"You can't do that!"

People that tell you all the things you can't do are often the same people who wouldn't dare step outside their own comfort zone of security. Sometimes, it's not about them thinking you really couldn't achieve the thing you want to achieve but the thought of doing something beyond a comfortable realm just throws them off. It doesn't even have to involve them, some people just don't like things that seem like they might be a risk or too challenging. Taking a risk is scary and change is really rough for some people. 

I don't personally want someone to tell me "yes Ashly" all of the time and I certainly don't mind when someone points out what they perceive as a flaw or a problem in something I want to do or in an idea I have. There's a difference between being critical in a helpful sense and being critical in an un-supportive way. Communication is important in so many aspects of life and it bothers me how often people in general don't communicate with each other enough in constructive, positive ways. It's possible to be supportive without just going along with everything because being supportive sometimes means pointing out why something might not work and getting that person to think through everything. 

Maybe they're concerned about your safety. That's always something to take into account. Sometimes people don't always take their safety into consideration. I have an impulsive nature and often I just think about how fun and exciting something will be long before the thought of safety enters my mind. I've gotten better about that, though. I also have a boyfriend, family members & a couple close friends who are always on the ready to point out safety concerns with things that I think I might want to try. Sometimes it's not an adventurous fun thing you're trying to do because there are plenty of things where safety needs to be factored in and thought over. If someone is discouraging you from something with reasonable concerns for your safety, listen.

Maybe they think you're wasting your time. It's your time to "waste" so go ahead if it's something you really want to pursue. Just don't forget that no matter how good of an idea you think you have, it is possible that it could lead to a dead end and turn out to be a waste of time. Though I always looks at things as if I learned something valuable in a pursuit that didn't work out, it wasn't really an entire waste of my time.

Maybe they think your pursuit is stupid. They're entitled to their opinion and for me, it's always worth listening to someone else's input as long as they're being respectful because maybe they'll point out something that I hadn't thought of yet.

Maybe they really don't believe in you. In that case, you should probably look at that person and figure out why you're listening to them in the first place. 

Instead of just listening to the "oh, you can't do that" and the "yeah, I think that's a bad idea for you" or etc, stop and ask them why they feel that way. There has to be a reason and you should hear that reason. Maybe it will offer a fresh point of view and put things into a fresh perspective for you. Ask and listen. 

If there isn't a major safety, moral or legal concern involving whatever your goal is, why are they trying to discourage it? Listen even if there isn't a sensible reason behind their discouragement because that's telling, too. 

Just remember, you're responsible for your actions and you're responsible for the things that occur because of those actions. So if you fuck something up, own it. If you fail, own it and don't let a failure discourage you from trying something else. If you try and decide it's not for you, accept that and move on. If you mess up, learn from it, fix what needs fixing and remember what not to do next time. Take the time to think things out, too. There are pros and cons of everything. Sometimes it's tough to do that but never let yourself get discouraged by other people telling you what you can and can't handle, what you can and can't do.

You're not fuckin' perfect & that's okay....

I wrote then posted this to my my Tumblr yesterday but wanted it here, too.

I hate when people try to cheer someone up or encourage them by saying, “stop, you’re perfect the way you are.” If that person is hating things about themselves, telling them they’re perfect that way isn’t the best way to make them feel better. Also, they’re not going to believe your cliche false comment anyway. No one is perfect. You want to really help? Tell them actual positive things that aren’t stupid.

Tell them they have a great sense of humor and you love how they make you laugh.

Tell them how you admire how creative they are.

Tell them how smart they are.

Tell them how they make the best cookies you’ve ever had.

Tell them they have pretty eyes.

Tell them you love the way they tell a story.

Tell them they’re stronger than they think they are.

Tell them something that’s TRUE and not something that reeks of fairytale happy ending bullshit.

That way when they think about it after you say it, they know you’re being genuine. And maybe, they’ll start to believe it and you will have actually helped them a little bit.

Telling someone they’re perfect to try and encourage them is just so stupid and unoriginal. Thinking up something specific about them that you like or think is great might be harder but it will mean more.

Happy Friday!

An e-mail from a reader...

**REMEMBER: I want y'all to send me pictures! If you already have, thank you! I want to see trees, sunshine, lips, booze, boobs, pets, toys, rain, shoes, candy, random street signs, legs, bright colors, piercings, silly face shots, beaches, whatever you want to send me. Pervy isn't discouraged but isn't a must. Most of the pictures I have so far aren't pervy at all but they're all pretty awesome. On Monday, I will post a very image heavy post to show off all the pictures I have received. Go here to read all the details. Come on, it'll be fun!**

So, if you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen me bitching and laughing over an obnoxious piece of email I received yesterday in regard to my Physical Flaws post. I contemplated posting it and was encouraged to do so by quite a few people who wanted to see what the e-mail said thought it would be a good idea.

Here is the e-mail. I'm not going to edit it so deal with the grammar and misspelled words, lol.

"AMOROUS I have read your blog for several years and I enjoy a lot of what you put out there you are an open and honest person and I respect admire that. I have to say that when you talk about flaws and being insecure physically it pisses me off. I see you talk about on your post today about how you have flaws and have things you dont like about you and all I think is

BOOHOO CRY MY A FUCKING RIVER LITTLE GIRL

SORRY but your post about your SO CALLED (BULLSHIT!!!) FLAWS REALLY set me off and put me a fire under my ass. You dont get how LUCKY you are to be a pretty girl and not have to deal with the PLIGHT of being UGLY. YOU JUST DONT GET IT! Im emal you HOPING you realize that you DONT HAVE JACKSHIT to cry about and Im ONLY saying this to HELP YOU.

MUST SUCK to be such pretty girl and have to cry about being upset and insecure over your ears nose butt and neck. GIVE ME A BREAK! Waaa waaa waaa! Go THRU LIFE being the UGLY girl that guys only want to be FRIENDS with and that PRETTY GIRLS LIKE YOU only hang out with because your smart and can help them keep their grades up. Have boys look at you like an alien or another guy but never see you as anything special.

GO THRU LIFE being the UGLY woman at work that the PRETTY WOMEN LIKE YOU only assosciate with because I will and can help them get there projects done. The UGLY woman who has to sit alone during lunch because all the pretty women have gone off WITHOUT INVITING the UGLY woman to go eat with them! Having to listen to them yammer on about their dates and their hook ups and seeings guys in the office flutter around after them because theyre pretty and then hearing those whiney whelps complain about their pathetic lives like they dont have it EASIER being pretty.Having guys in the office ignore you because youre UGLY. Having to openly glare at them day after day seeing there smug little faces as they laugh at me as I glare at them. There still PRETTY so what do they care that I know what they say and hate there being for it?? Doesnt hurt them at all!!!

You have NO CLUE how easy you have it!! Guys probably FLOCK to you. Buy you drinks. Offer you things! Give you the COMPLEMENT of coming over to say hell JUST BECAUSE they think your pretty. I NEVER get flirted with. You dont know what its like to be UGLY WOMAN in the room who works up the COURAGE make eye contact with a man ONLY to have him look up me up and down and DISMISS me beccause Im not pretty enough for them. Going on blind dates and seeing looks of DISAPPOINTMENT on there faces because they hoped for something MORE, someone PRETTIER than ME!

Must be nice to be PRETTY GIRL and have only PETTY things to bitch about. OH MY NOSE IS BIG OH I HATE MY FAT FOREHEAD OH MY BIG EARS MAKE ME LOOK LIKE DUMBO OH MY LONG NECK MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A GIRAFFE OR OH MY FAT ASS LOOKS FAT . BOOHOO bitch! GROW UP!! GET OVER IT!!!

You whine and CRY about your PETTY INSIGNIFICENT LITTLE "FLAWS" but you really have NOTHING to be upset and whining about! YOUR THE PRETTY GIRL here and you whining and crying about these dumb little things just MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID AND IMMATURE! WAAA WAAA WAA! Save the pity party because you aint got NOTHING to be pitying yourself about!!!

-Sassy Lindsay"

I used to be insecure about my entire body. I was always bigger than other girls. Even as a little kid, I was taller than all the other girls. I had broader shoulders, bigger feet and I wasn't fat but I wasn't skinny and petite like all the other girls in school. I was a tomboy through and through. I played sports and I didn't get along with girls. I didn't identify with the things they liked. I didn't giggle and laugh at other people.

I hit puberty early and I hit it hard. I never even owned a training bra because I seemingly went from no boobs to big boobs. I was in 5Th grade and transferred from a private school to a public school a couple months into the first semester. I was taller, bigger and I had actual boobs. Of course, they started the rumors that I stuffed my bra. I played sports and had muscular legs, so I was a "lesbo" and I sat every single day at lunch by myself because I was awkward and didn't fit in.

I felt fat. I felt ugly. I felt disgusting and wrong. I had mostly guy friends and yeah, once I was full into puberty, I noticed different changes. The big boobs, the butt, the hips, the changes in my face. The fact that when I played football with my guy friends they weren't sure how to tackle me anymore so they often didn't.

Just because some people think I'm pretty doesn't mean everyone thinks that way. It also doesn't mean I get life handed to me on a silver platter.

It doesn't mean I've never been turned down by a guy or girl I liked. Through puberty, I was still a tomboy. I played softball and hockey. I did track and field. I did basketball. I'm still a tomboy for the most part honestly. Back then though, I had my family telling me what a pretty girl I was becoming. When I finally started digging guys, I had issues there because I was such a tomboy and guys always got to know me and I ended up being just friends. I was "too cool" and "too much like one of the guys" to be someone they wanted to date.

I've had guys and girls I like not be attracted to me. It happens. I've been called amazon because I have big feet and broad shoulders. I think I need those broad shoulders to help hold up these huge boobs, lol. I don't let it get to me. There will be other people who will find me attractive and people who won't. I have an amazing guy in my life now so why worry about all the other guys and girls who turned me down or wouldn't give me a second look?

I don't care if my physical insecurities seem petty, silly, ridiculous, stupid and insignificant to other people. I don't care who thinks it's silly that I'm insecure about having my neck exposed, my ears out in plain view, my nose being too big and my forehead being too wide. Those are the things I'm insecure about and those things are things I'll have to get over on my own.

It has taken me years to be comfortable in my skin and accept as much as I have about myself. It has taken me years to not loathe every physical thing about me. It has taken me a lot of work to undo all the emotional damage I have done to myself. All the berating myself, thinking down on myself, calling myself names and emotionally and mentally beating myself up and tearing myself down day after day. Everyone has something or several somethings that they're insecure about. Just because this person and other people look at me and see a pretty girl doesn't mean that's what I look at and see. If I could see myself and see me the way my boyfriend does, the way some of my close friends do, the way some of you do; I wouldn't have any insecurities. I'd have a much better self image. I can't do that though and I'm going to be insecure about things. I used to NEVER look in mirrors because I so hated everything I saw. I wouldn't even look in reflective glass because I couldn't stand the reflection. I have come a long way from where I used to be.

"Sassy Lindsay", I don't think you being physically ugly has anything at all to do with why the girls and guys in your life treat you the way they do. I think it's your ugly attitude. Maybe you're open disdain and hostility towards them because they're pretty has something to do with it. It may be your bitchy, bitter, ugly attitude that does you in and not the exterior. Guys might not pass you by if you were a bit nicer. Maybe if you stopped being so judgmental of others, they wouldn't be so judgmental of you. If you dropped that bitter, ugly chip off your shoulder you might be better off all around.

Have a good weekend y'all.