Adult product reviews...

I haven't done any new toy reviews lately. I was unemployed and putting the majority of my efforts into finding a job, going on interviews and finding odd jobs to put cash in my account until something worked out. Then, I finally got a job and find myself at work 6 days a week, often working 10 to 12 hour days, sometimes more.

Another thing was, I was just tired of doing it. Tired of all the bitching people were doing about things. Tired of certain people picking at me. One thing that amused me was when people bitched about unnecessary things others had in their reviews. Unnecessary to whom? To someone who reviews 2 or 3 or more toys per month and has for months or years? To someone who has been reading sex blogs and reading toy reviews for long enough to know the boring details? To someone who is familiar with sex toys and the proper ways to store and care for them?

Lets break from my point to look at something. These are some searches used to find reviews of mine.

"LELO toy product review"
"pink curvy silicone dildo"
"LELO GIGI vibe product review"
"bumpy glass dildo information"
"tantus dildo pink"

There are more but I didn't think to do this post long enough ago to start saving up terms out of search engines that landed people on my review of whatever toy their search landed them on. Do you think the people searching that stuff knows a lot about the toy their searching for? Maybe they do. Then again, maybe they don't know anything at all other than they heard about this one brand of vibrators and wanted to research them to see what they're all about. Maybe they went into a toy shop and looked around, then went home and decided to do research on them to see what would be good and what wouldn't. That's not hard to believe. If you go into a store and see a LELO vibrator that's over $100, you're not likely going to buy that on a whim without knowing anything about the toy or brand.

The thing I think a lot of reviewers forget or just don't think about is that not everyone who reads the review is someone who has read several reviews before. It's not always someone has reviewed half a dozen, a dozen, three dozen or more toys before and knows the drill of the boring details. It's not always going to be someone who's even involved in sex blogging in any way at all be it reviewing, having their own blog or reading them. It's not always someone who has any knowledge about sex toys at all. I think with a lot of reviewers, they're so immersed into it and their online community is people who are immersed into it as well; that's what they're used to dealing with.

Things like proper ways to clean the toys, store them, what kind of lube you should use, etc might seem like boring and unnecessary details to you. They'll probably seem that way to a lot of the people who comment on your reviews, too. People who aren't unfamiliar with toys and people who also review or are part of the sex blogging community.

I've gotten plenty of e-mails in the passed with people asking me questions that they apologized for asking because they were "stupid" questions but they didn't know.

"Is any soap okay or does it need to be something specific?"

"When you say 10% bleach solution, what does that mean exactly?"

"What's the best way to boil a dildo? Do you need to clean it before or after or does boiling it cover it?"

"Can I use a latex condom with a silicone dildo?"

Sure, they seem like stupid questions to someone that knows the answer already. To someone who doesn't, they're legitimate questions that deserve real answers.

Now, I've mentioned this to several people before and their response is usually along the lines of, "Well, it's common sense how you clean a toy."

Yeah, to someone who already knows how to do it and already knows what will and won't damage a toy.

Not everyone who stumbles on your review is going to know all that you know. What does it hurt to add in a few boring details? Especially people who say they work so hard on their reviews so their readers can get as much information out of it as they can? Especially if you claim a big part of you doing reviews is to educate people on a product and try to help them make an informed decision? What's the harm in a few extra minutes typing out a few boring details that you already know but that a handful of people reading along might now know?

I know before I started doing reviews, I didn't know everything I do now. Another argument I have gotten with this is a couple reviewers saying, "Well, I learned by researching it so they can, too. Not like it's hard." True... but, if they read your review looking for a certain product they are researching it in a way, especially if they found the review through a search engine. If you're putting up a review of a product and claim to do such a thorough job of giving as much helpful information about the toy as you can, does that not include the "boring details" you're tired of typing out?

And yes, I know most reviewers have enabled comments and most have e-mail addresses listed so if someone had questions they could always just ask. I can also see how someone might be too intimidated to do such a thing for fear of seeming like an idiot.

I'm not saying everyone should change how they write reviews. Do your thing and include whatever the fuck you want. It's silly to pick at other people for what they choose to include in their reviews, especially when you're picking at things just because they seem unnecessary to you. I'm not picking on anyone. I just don't get why people make such a fuss about it. Certainly, if you're immersed into toy reviewing to any extent you're going to get sick of reading those boring details. You're going to get tired of typing those boring details. I just think it's silly to bitch about other people having those boring details in all of their reviews just because you, most of your commenting readers and other sex toy reviewers/sex bloggers you know/associate with already know all of those things. Outside of the community, not everyone else is so immersed and educated in these types of things. I'm not saying people who aren't reviewers/sex bloggers don't know shit because that's not true either by any stretch. There are going to be people who know what they need to know and people who know more than the person that wrote the review they're reading. There will also be people that don't know anything, though. People who know certain things but not other things. People that will appreciate that "unnecessary information" because they didn't know already or were uncertain and didn't want to ask. Just keep in mind that just because something seems "unnecessary" to you doesn't mean it's going to be so for every other person who reads the review you're slamming for having "extra information" in it. I'd rather know more than I need to know than walk away with things unanswered, in most cases.

And I'm done now. Thanks for reading. :)

Product Review: LELO Gigi

I received the LELO Gigi to review from the nice people over at Adult Sex Toys in this pretty color. I call it fuchsia, LELO calls it "deep rose" but either way...

I was initially excited to try this toy. It's my second LELO product and they have such great hype for being well made toys. Aside from being well made, people rave about their performance. I'm a cynical person so I don't often fall prey to a lot of hype because I always believe if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. So my excitement for tying a second LELO toy was more to see if I would like this one or not. I didn't enjoy my Ella. I have to tell you, I didn't enjoy Gigi too much either. So if you're looking for another review singing nothing but praise for the Gigi, this isn't the one you'll want to read. There are plenty out there, however.

I don't normally talk packaging but LELO's packaging is impressive. They make sure their
"luxury" sex toys arrive in style. The box matches the color of the toy. Then you open it up and there's another box inside, black and quite nice made out of study material. Inside you find all of this:

There's Gigi firmly in the sturdy holding place. You lift the toy out and underneath is a satin storage pouch, guarantee, instruction manual in several different languages and the charger for the sex toy.

One of the things I do like about Gigi is that it comes with a charger. Rechargeable sex toys eliminate the need for batteries. Which is not only environmentally friendly but nice since batteries can be fucking expensive and not something I can afford to spend money on right now, lol. You plug the toy in, let it charge for 2 hours and voila. It's ready to go and holds a pretty decent charge. I was able to use it a number of times for my reviewer research off of one charge. I think I got roughly about 3 hours of play time on one charge. Maybe a little more. You cannot use it while plugged in so make sure to fully charge it, then remove it from the adapter. The light around the control pad lights up while charging. When it turns red, it's time to charge it again.

Now when it comes to sex toy material, silicone is pretty much my favorite thing. The handle is hard plastic and smooth but I had a little trouble keeping a good grip on it because it's small. Also the control pad takes up most of the front of the handle so it was hard for me to keep the kind of grip I like to keep on a toy for control without messing with the buttons on accident. The toy is non-porous, Phthalates free and feels good to the touch. There aren't any ribs, twists, turns or other textures to feel with Gigi. Just a sleek silicone covered shaft that's incredibly smooth, almost luxurious in a way. The color is fun and pretty, too.

Lets talk size. This G-spot vibrator is not for anyone who likes size when it comes to picking out toys. The toy itself is 6 1/2" in length but you can only insert 4 1/2" inches of the toy. With a circumference of 3 1/2" inches and a 1 1/8" diameter, Gigi is pretty petite.

Size is one of my complaints about the lovely Gigi. It doesn't hit the spot for me like it does for a lot of people who have used it. The flat head and slight curve are meant to work your g-spot into a frenzy. It doesn't do it for me because it doesn't quite reach my g-spot. Also with thrusting, it was hooking onto my pelvic bone. Not fun, not sexy, no thanks.

There are multiple settings to work your way through, so if you're not prone to reading instructional manuals you may just want to make an exception in this case. ;) Though, it's easy to figure out. There are five programmed stimulation modes.

First: Continuous vibrations.
Second: Extended interval pulsations.
Third: Intermediate interval pulsations.
Fourth: Short interval pulsations.
Fifth: Wave pulsation.

The built in control pad lights up and is easy to use. A little too easy because I had issues switching between the vibration and speed settings accidentally. The control pad has an arrow pointing up and an arrow putting down for the top and bottom controls. This controls the vibration setting. The left to right are a plus and minus. You turn the toy on by pressing down on the plus sign. The +/- controls the intensity of the vibrations once you find the setting you want. It also has a locking feature so you can lock the vibrator to prevent it from accidentally turning itself on if you have it in a suitcase, purse or anywhere it could rub against something and accidentally come on. That's another plus for it.

The vibrations go from barely there on the lowest setting to vroom on the highest setting. Only one vroom, no vroom vroom. The vibrations aren't bad but I would have preferred them to be a little stronger, at least. I like really strong vibrations, though. Of course, I would have also liked it to reach my g-spot but I digress. If you're fine without really strong vibrations, you might find the vibrations here really pleasant. The lowest vibrations kind of reminded me of being softly, sweetly caressed. Just, you know, on the inside.

Even though I didn't enjoy thrusting with this and didn't get any g-spot stimulation out of it, I did try the toy on other parts of me where size/shape wasn't an issue. I used it on my nipples, that was fine and dandy. I have uber sensitive nipples and love having mine teased. I used it on my clit, it worked well there. However, for what it costs, I don't recommend it for nipple and clit play only. I also tested it as a massager on some sore muscles in my fore arm and it did nicely at working those, too. It's nice to find alternate uses sometimes. ;)

I didn't use this toy anally and pretty much think inserting this toy anally would be a bad idea. Don't do it. It's small, there's not a flared based to keep it from going places it doesn't belong and it's not easy to keep a good tight grip on.

Cleaning is easy. Blah blah blah, warm water and soap. Make sure the rubber piece that goes into the charging adapter hole is securely in place, avoid getting that area wet. Avoid getting the control pad wet. Gigi isn't waterproof and she's an expensive little thing so you wouldn't want to kill her while cleaning it. Toy cleaner or toy wipes work well too. Also, never use silicone lube on your silicone toy unless you're trying for some odd reason to ruin your pretty new toy.

Noise wise? LELO's are known for being quiet toys. I will give them that. Gigi is super quiet. On a scale of 1-5, I'd put the noise level at 1.5 or possibly a 2. No more than that, though. I used it the first time without any music or background noise and I could only hear a faint murmur or something. With a little background noise on, I didn't hear a murmur or anything else. Definitely another plus side there.

My issues with Gigi are the size, the vibrations not being as powerful as I like and the fact that it doesn't hit my g-spot like it should. Which is a bummer but at least I can still use it for other things once in a while so it's not just sitting in its pretty little box going unused.

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys : over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.

Happy Monday!

Comments, please?

Fun Factory Curve

I've wanted to try the Curve by Fun Factory for many months now but sadly, I couldn't get my hands on one to review. That is, until recently, thanks to the cool people over at Adult Sex Toys. I love love love g-spot stimulation. Don't get me wrong, clitoral stimulation is all well and good but it doesn't do it for me the way g-spot stimulation does. I know it's not what everyone loves (and I even know a few people who don't care for it at all for some "crazy" reason ;D) and if that's the case for you, then this clearly won't be the toy for you since it's specifically designed for delicious g-spot stimulation.

It's not a small toy so if girth isn't your thing, this might not be the toy for you. It's measurements are 8 1/2" in length (only around 6 3/4" is insertable, though) with a diameter of 1 5/8" and a circumference of 5". I personally love the size of it but I like that really full feeling you get from a girthy toy.

The Curve is 100% Silicone and has a smooth, raised texture swirling around it. It quickly warms to your body temperature which is nice. I dislike when toys can't retain warmth. The bulbous head is very smooth and that raised texture forms around it to form a bump. The bump can be slightly problematic if you're not using lube or not warmed up enough for it yet, though. Make sure you're either using lube (no silicone lube on silicone toys!) or if you don't like lube or don't have any on hand or just prefer natural lubrication, please be warmed up for it. I didn't use lube the first time and was only moderately wet, so there was some definite discomfort upon entry. That bummed me out at first because I really wanted to like this toy. I figured out the problem quickly and rectified it with some lube. After that, no problem at all with entry or during thrusting.
I also tried inserting the toy, holding it in place and then rocking my hips back and forth. Totally not as fun and didn't get as much enjoyment out of it used that way. It didn't feel bad, just not as intense. I didn't feel any pain or discomfort using the toy in that way.

Removal was a different story. Playtime was over, I was plenty lubricated due to the orgasm I achieved thanks to the wonderful g-spot stimulation, but I had a little issue with that bump when removing the toy. Apparently, the bump didn't want to go peacefully or painlessly. I found that if I angled the toy upwards a little, bring the handle closer to my body, I could remove it without the bump giving me any discomfort. Which is nice because no one likes to feel like their dildo is trying to pull their vagina out with it.

The toy is super soft and pliable. Oh so very pliable. I thought that would make it difficult to thrust with but I didn't have any problem with that at all. It has a handle with a loophole at the end which makes it extremely easy to keep a good grip on the toy during use. I love toys with handles like this on them because you don't have to keep intently focused on keeping a good grip on it. It's just latched right there on whatever finger you slide into the loophole and you're good, though, I still kept a nice firm grip on it. Like I said, the toy is very pliable which helps if you want to bend it a bit. I found bending it lessened some of the severity of the curve, which was fun but I didn't prefer that sensation. I probably would have been fine if the toy had been a bit less pliable and a bit more firm. Not because I had any issue with it being too floppy but just because I prefer my dildos a little more firm. If you prefer something rather firm without a lot of give, I wouldn't recommend this to you.

I didn't try it anally because, well, I wasn't putting that bump in there to see if it would give me any trouble during insertion, thrusting or removal. Especially during removal, lol. I like everything in my body to stay where it's supposed to be. ;)

You can use this toy with another person (though it's not harness compatible) but make sure you direct them on the best way to do it for you. It's easy to thrust this into another person the wrong way and cause them pain so don't be afraid to be vocal and give direction. ;)

The raised, glossy swirls on the toy feel nice but after a while, I stopped noticing them. I felt them at first but then once I had used it for a few minutes, I only noticed them if I changed the angle of the toy. That's really not a deal breaker for me, though, given the amazing g-spot stimulation you get from the dildo.

Cleaning is easy. Since it's 100% Silicone, you can clean it multiple ways. Toss it in the top shelf of the dishwasher, boil it, bleach it with a 10% solution, use your favorite toy cleaner, use it in the shower and then lather it up as you clean off with soap and water; whatever floats your boat.

I was super happy with this toy and have used it many times. I love the shape, I like the cute design, I love Silicone (because it's such a great feeling material, yum) and I love the handle. I really like the intense g-spot stimulation I get out of this toy as well. I think if the bump on the head didn't give me any trouble upon removal and if it were just a tiny bit less pliable, it would be my favorite toy. Even with that in there though, it's still top five for me. :D

Happy Thursday!

Leave a comment? :)

Review: Micro Power Egg

The Micro Power Egg by California Exotics is a remote control egg vibrator. I was apprehensive about it because most toys I've received to review from C.E. have been decent at best. I figured what the hell and decided to give it a shot. I've tried plenty of eggs and bullet vibes that I've been less than impressed with and have wanted to find one that I actually liked. I admit it, I'm picky so finding toys I really like is some what of a challenge.

If you want the specs on the toy such as length, weight, etc then just give a quick little click right here and you'll find them listed on EF's page on the left column of the page. The measurements are accurate. There's only one spec that's inaccurate but that has to do with the toy's function. Which I'll get to later in the review. :)

After I opened it and cleaned the egg with soap and water (because I always wash my toys before I use them, lol) I rolled the egg around in my hand. The rubber cote felt velvety and silky in my hand, which I dig. I don't mind hard plastic but I don't actually want to feel cool, hard, plastic. I popped two AA batteries into the controller/battery pack and then went to hit the button to turn the toy on.

And... nothing.I checked to make sure I had the batteries in properly. Check. Screwed the cap to the battery compartment back on. Hit the button again. Still nothing. I tightened the cap up until it wouldn't tighten anymore and hit the button yet again. This time, it worked. Also, the button looks quite large but really, the whole oval isn't the button. You have to hit directly in the center of the oval to turn the toy off. That's also how you cycle through the four settings and turn the toy back off. If you skip the setting you want accidentally, you'll have to cycle back through them all to get back to the one you want. Also, there isn't a quick way to turn the toy off if you're in need of such a thing. You have to cycle through all the settings to turn it off. So, if you're having fun and someone walks in, there's no discreet one button push for turning it off. That's not a problem for me but I know for some people it is. So if you want something that turns off with a single click, this isn't one of them.

It says the toy has several functions; vibrating, escalating and pulsating. The product description on EF says it's so and that would be because the package the toy comes in says it's so. My gripe is that I don't find that to be true. There is no escalating function in my opinion. To me, escalating is a vibration that starts out slight and then increases in intensity. There isn't a setting that does that. All four settings have the same level of intensity, they just go in different rhythms. The first setting is quick, fast pulses that run steadily over and over. The second setting is slower pulses that have a very slight pause between each pulse. The third setting pulses twice at a slow rhythm and then there's a slight break (not even a full second) before the pulses start again. The fourth setting is a constant, steady vibration. None of those are what I would consider to be escalating by definition. Which is honestly fine with me because I don't tend to enjoy escalating sensations in bullet vibes. However, to someone who saw that in the product description and considered it a selling point, they would be disappointed to find it doesn't actually do that.
It packs a nice punch for such a small egg running on two AA batteries. I was pretty happy with the intensity of the vibrations. I like the first function and the fourth function the best. I only like the toy as a clitoral stimulator. I did insert it and try it out vaginally but just didn't dig it. Though, the vibrations still felt nice.

The remote control opens at the bottom to insert the batteries. The cap is easy to remove and easy to screw back on. The toy is waterproof and there is a seal around the bottom cap to keep water/liquid out of the battery compartment. I had no issue getting batteries in and out of the compartment. They fit nice and snugly but didn't prove to be a hassle inserting or removing. Which seems like a boring detail but if you've ever had to spend several minutes trying to get batteries in or out of a toy, you know how nice it is to have something that is easy going.

The toy's cord that connects the egg to the control pack is covered in a thick seal to protect it from water/liquid. The cord is pretty lengthy at 26 inches so using it in any position should be easy,

I used it in the shower and didn't have any issue with it during or after. I've since used it a few more times while in the shower and it's still working just fine and there's never been any moisture/liquid inside the battery compartment.

I was also happy that the noise level wasn't bad either. I have really sensitive hearing, to the point that most vibrating toys are annoying to me. Or to the point that I tend to easily over hear conversations, even when the people doing the talking are 20 feet away from me. Keep that in mind if any of you ever meet me. There will be no mumbling insults at me under you're breath because I'll probably hear it, lol. Anyway the point here is the noise level is decent. It's not whisper quiet but it's not a little noise machine either, thankfully.

The size of the bullet and the control pack makes it easy to store, hide or travel with which is a plus in my book. I don't have a lot of space to store regular every day things so toys that can fit in small spaces are great for me.

Clean up is easy. Warm water, soap, rinse, blah blah blah. It's attached to a battery pack so there's no putting it in boiling water or your dishwasher. Well, you can but be prepared to buy another one if you do, lol. ;)

I'm definitely happy with this toy. I've used it several times already and will continue to keep using it. It's still not my perfect bullet but it'll do nicely until I find the one that *really* does it for me. ;)

Happy Tuesday!

Comments, please? ;)

Video: The Winner!

Finally, I got the fucking video to upload and work correctly. What video you ask? To reveal the winner of my sex toy contest! Thanks so much to everyone who entered! I got a lot of entries via comments and people posting on their own blogs and tons more from people tweeting about it. So, thanks! It was fun.

The video is not the best quality but it was done on a cell phone so, work with what you have, right? Right. Click play to find out if you won!




If you don't want to watch the video, then that's cool. Not like I went to a lot of trouble for it or anything. :p Y'all don't even want to know how many times I had to do it over because I kept fucking up what I wanted to say, lol. Thankfully, I only fucked up during the opening part of the video. =)

The winner is...............















..................... ilikebs! Congratulations, lady! You'll need to e-mail me (amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com) with a shipping address whenever you get a chance to.

Thanks so much to everyone who commented, posted and tweeted to enter the contest. Sorry only one of you could win. Maybe next time. ;)

Happy Monday!

Leave a comment? ;D

My first sex toy giveaway!

The lovely people over at Adult Sex Toys are sponsoring my very first sex toy giveaway! Isn't that nice of them? I've mentioned this before and been chattering a little on Twitter about it but today is the day I start the contest. Woohoo, right? Right?

So what do I have? The BNaughty Bullet Vibe!
Just click the link or the picture to find out the details of the toy. ;)

So, how do you enter to get your chance to win this?

Easy! I thought up a ton of different things I could do that would be fun or challenging but in the end, I decided to keep it simple.

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this blog post and tell me about your favorite sex toy. Tell me what you love about it and why it's your favorite. You don't need to go into a long story about your favorite experience with said toy, just tell me WHY it's your favorite. If you don't have a favorite or have never used a toy at all, then tell me why you want to win the BNaughty.

You want a second entry? Tweet about the contest. Just copy the following text EXACTLY as you see it here and then tweet it on Twitter. If you do that, make sure you let me know you've done it. Don't follow me? Well, you need to, lol. ;) FYI, if your updates are locked and I DON'T follow you, I won't be able to see the tweet to know you did. So, if you tweet about the contest. Let me know. ;)

"RT @AshlyStar's doing her first sex toy giveaway! Details here: http://bit.ly/9Gnbu0 Please RT!"

If you don't have Twitter and want to get a second entry, you can easily post about the contest on your own blog if you want and that can count as a second entry. Just make sure you link back to this blog and send me the link so I'll know.

The contest ends on Friday! So you have until April 30th to enter to try and win this thing. You have to be willing to provide a mailing address so the toy can be sent to you. It doesn't cost anything and you won't have to pay any shipping. Have fun! =)

Leave a comment?

Happy Monday!

Slut!

Someone on Twitter mentioned that they should have a shirt that said "Slut Pride" on it and ironically, I know someone who has a t-shirt shop who has a shirt that says exactly that on there. You can even get the star (or the heart since there's one with a heart instead of the star) a different color scheme or get it one solid color or get a black shirt instead of a white one. Though, the black one costs a few bucks more. The white one is cheaper at $19. ;) And yes, I'm totally using my blog to attempt and help her sell more t-shirts. She has some delightfully awesome and some possibly tacky tees and I admire anyone who ventures out to try and start their own business. I'm not giving any of them away because you know, I'm not well off enough financially at the moment to be doing stuff like that and she's not making enough money (yet) to be giving freebies away. If you want to buy one though, let me know. ;) amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com or just leave a comment and make sure you have an e-mail address in your profile. Totally hate when people get mad because I don't get in touch with them but if I don't have your email address and you don't have one readily available in your profile, what do you want from me? I'm not psychic or a magician you know. ;)

But if you do want something totally free and sexy, you definitely need to come back here on Monday. I'm going to be doing my first sponsored blog give away. I just have to think up what kind of contest I want to do to see who gets it. No worries, it won't be anything difficult. ;) I won't tell y'all exactly what it is until Monday but it is a sex toy, it's got a remote control and it's pretty cool. =)

Playoff hockey is so fucking awesome. What's not awesome? People who don't watch all season and then watch during playoffs and think they know everything. "Oh yeah well Detroit rocks so of course they're going to win! They always play well and had a great regular season to keep rolling into the playoffs with. So it's obvious they're going to get the Stanley again this year like last year." Really? FYI, they had a mostly shitty season due to injuries and it looked quite shaky and debatable if they would even make playoffs this year. Once they got healthy, they were doing better and fought their way back up into a playoff spot. Also, they didn't win the Stanley last year. But you know, if you didn't watch all season (or the end of last the playoffs last year)... please don't act like you did and don't try to argue with people about certain things. Yeah, that quote was a real argument, too. They also admitted defeat once they hit Google and saw I wasn't the one talking out my ass.

Last thing... Do any of you know any good Tumblr's to follow that don't have anything to do with sex, erotica, fetish and things of that nature? I try to find new stuff to follow and can't come up with much since most of the bloggers I know that also have a Tumblr generally post things of a sexual nature in one form or another. Which is cool, I just want to find some good pictures of pretty much anything that aren't sex related. I did already try the search Tumblr option. I entered in keywords and I found lots of cool pictures but once I visited the profiles they belonged to... well, the good content was few and far between. I don't spend a lot of time on Tumblr anyway (my own page gets neglected, lol) but you know, if you want to recommend someone for me to follow, I'd appreciate it. ;)

Happy Thursday!
Leave a comment? =)

Showers, sleep, medicine, hockey & sex toys.

You know what one of the things about cold, snowy weather that I actually like is? It's the only time I take steamy, hot showers. Most of the time, I'm good with a nice warm shower. I don't generally like the water that hot. Which is kind of a bummer for my sinuses because all that steam from a hot shower is quite helpful, especially if you drop a Shower Soother in there and breathe it in. So last night, I was winding down for the night and folding some laundry. I was a little chilly though. Even with the heat on, I still wasn't warm enough. I didn't worry about it because it wasn't that bad and I was planning on a nice hot shower after I got done folding laundry. You know, since that stuff still hasn't learned to fold itself. I tried explaining a few times to my socks how easy it is if they would just get with the program and roll up on each other. Didn't work out and laundry still doesn't fold itself. Good thing it's not at all difficult to do, eh? I digress though. So, I got in the shower with the water abnormally hot and let the steam swirl around me while I worked my way under the water. It felt fucking glorious to my chilled skin to be surrounded by so much warmth. I did what I do, enjoyed the feel of the water and the sinus benefits of the steam for a few minutes longer, then I hopped out. The bathroom was so warm from all the heat and steam. It was nice. The only thing that sucks about taking hot showers when it's snowing and below freezing semi late at night? When I walked back into the bedroom to put clothes on, it felt a hundred times colder because I was so much warmer than I previously had been. I was in there maybe a second before I had chill bumps everywhere. So, I did what anyone else would have done. Went back into the bathroom to warm back up, lol. I can't get dressed when my skin is at all damp though so chilling (haha) in there wasn't going to work for me since the moisture from the steam hanging around was preventing me from getting dry. So, I went back into the bedroom, let the cool air in there dry my skin in a minute, then got dressed before using my hair dryer to blow dry my hair. And maybe parts of my body.

You want to know something that bugs me? I went to bed last night some time after 1 AM. I had gotten cold so I put some too-big yoga pants on because they're the only pants I can actually sleep in without them twisting around, riding up, etc. Thus them being the only pants that don't make me feel tangled amd trapped. Which is why I usually never sleep in pants. Anyway, I put them on, curled up under the nice blankets and fell back asleep. When I woke up at 8 AM this morning, I noticed my yoga pants weren't on anymore. Just my tshirt and my Batman boxers. I looked around, yoga pants were no where to be seen. I let it go for a few minutes while I laid there stretching. Then, I got out of bed and went searching for them. They were in the cabinets my clothes are kept in, neatly folded and put away. I have an awesome memory. Really, it's ridiculous the things I can remember at times. I don't for the life of me remember getting up to take off my yoga pants. Much less actually folding them and putting them back away. I sat there thinking and thinking and thinking. Nothing. Then I got to thinking, what the fuck else do I get up and do while I'm sleeping that I don't know about? I'll never know either because apparently I don't remember what I get up and do. And for anyone that might suggest I might have kicked them off to the floor and maybe my boyfriend picked them up, folded them and put them away for me? Please, don't waste your time typing such a though. I'm not insulting him but he just doesn't do things like that. He'd step over the yoga pants if they were laying in the middle of the floor and proceed on to the bed as if they were just a part of the floor. Or he might kick them out of the general path but he wouldn't neatly fold them and put them away. Everything he owns minus socks and boxer briefs goes on a hanger because he absolutely hates folding anything. So, now I want to find a way to set up my webcam to record the room while I sleep. It's motion activated when it's on so even if the computer is in sleep mode, if something trips the censor, the webcam will start rolling. I just want to see if I'm folding laundry in my sleep or if I get up and do anything weird. It would make sense that my legs wake up sore and feeling freshly worked out once in a while if I'm secretly getting up and ballroom dancing with myself around the room all night.

Why must drugs be so expensive? Lol. Seriously. Doesn't help that I don't have health insurance but hell, a lot of stuff is still ridiculously expensive for those who do have insurance. Anyway, I won't get into that whole rant. Today anyway. =p

USA vs SWITZERLAND is today! Men's hockey! Woohoo! At 3 PM Eastern time. So 2 PM for me. Actually, it's hockey all day, I just won't see most of it because of the whole no cable thing. I might actually get to see USA vs Switzerland though since I think NBC is actually going to be showing the game. Albeit, it's at fucking 2 PM so most people will be missing it since you know, they'll still be at work and such. Which sucks. I'll probably be home in time to see it, or at least catch the second and third period. HELL YES! GO USA! =) I wonder if any of y'all can guess what other country I'm secretly pulling for... You know, unless it comes down to the USA for a medal then I'm not hoping anyone places higher than USA does. ;) If some how, we get knocked out and we're not in it anymore, there is a country I want to see come out on top. I'll even gve y'all the options if you want to make a guess, heh. Switzerland, Canada, Russia, Czech Republic, Finland, Slovakia or Sweden.

I got a gift recently. It's a sex toy. It's one I already have and rather enjoy using. It was a surprise gift. I did offer to give the toy back to the person who got it for me. She declined and told me to sell it because she didn't have the receipt for it anymore so couldn't take it back. I asked her if she wanted it, she said she already had one and knew I would like it so it was a way late Christmas gift. So, I think I'm going to put it up on here for sale, at a discounted rate. It's a $90 toy but I'll be asking for a little less than that, if anyone is at all interested in it. Then if someone buys it, I can give my friend the money. She gets some of her money back that way it isn't a total loss for her and someone out there gets a nice, new toy for cheaper than they would anywhere else. Sound good? Okay. =)

Happy Wednesday!

If sex is the drug, what is the cost..

Golden raspberries are so fucking yummy. I wish you could get them all year long.

I'm happy about something. I'm giving the Ella from yesterday's review away to a good home. No, I'm not having a contest. I already have it worked out who she's going to. Hopefully the lady who is getting Ella will enjoy it more than I did. =)

The blog title has nothing to do with the post. It's a lyric from a song by Papa Roach that I have stuck in my had. Won't you be sad if you clicked here to read something sexy. No matter. There's enough smut on the web, far better than what I'd write anyway. Yuh. Though, I'm totally posting the video now. Uh, don't watch it while you're at work. There's some language and some people getting whipped and some other stuff. There's your warning.



I love going to the post office early in the morning because almost no one else is there. No rude ass people, aside from the ones that work there, to deal with. No long lines. No listening to kids screaming. No gaggle of people all chirping into their phones about various things while standing in line. It's nice, quiet and you're done in minutes. Kick. Ass.

One of my best friends pestered me for weeks to watch the show Modern Family. I ignored her because honestly, I don't watch a lot of TV because I think most of the shit that comes on is crap. Though, I never watch any of it so I don't have much to go off of aside from my general disinterest in TV. I finally gave in and watched an episode to shut her up because she agreed to stop pestering me about it if I'd watch one episode. She loves the show and knowing me as well as she does, somehow knew I would totally dig it if I'd just watch. I figure she watches a hundred shows and never tries to get me into any of them because she knows me and knows I wouldn't really like most of them anyway. She was right. I love that show.

Now, a short little question session. Got a question you want to ask me? Leave it in the comments or send me an email.

Could you handle living together with the last person who sent you a text message?
The last text I got was from my boyfriend. I live with him already and we have yet to kill each other. So, yes.

Do you think you could be with someone for over four years?
Actually... The Boyfriend and I will be celebrating the 4 year anniversary in May. (Oh my gosh. HOLY FUCK!)

Does anything on your body hurt?
My lower back and my right thigh.

Do you prefer pudding or ice cream?
Ice cream, definitely.

You're thinking about zombies right now, aren't you?
Nope. Not even after reading this question. You can't break the concentration I got going on, fools.

At what age do you want to have your first child?
Never. I don't want kids.

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them?
Yes. I've got a bad temper so it's not too hard to tell.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
I already do.

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday?
Every year. =)

When was the last time you had an alcoholic beverage?
Friday night. Beer and Jack and Coke.

Are you a patient person?
Not so much but I've gotten better!

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
LOUD!

Happy Wednesday!

Ella Enchanted? Not so much.

I had heard a ton of great things about LELO sex toys. People rave about them, singing their praises and rave on and on about what fabulous toys they are. Me, I'm a cynical girl so I didn't entirely believe that these toys were some kind of magical goddesses meant to work magic in one's vagina. Though, the hype did make me want to try a toy by the company something bad. With so many people raving about their toys, it did make me want to try one. So, I waited patiently and I got lucky after months of waiting. The wonderful folks at Tabu Toys were awesome enough to send me the Ella by LELO. The high majority of the reviews I had seen on Ella were all superb, filled with praise. Again, I'm a cynical girl but I was excited when I opened my box from Tabu and saw Ella's box peeking out at me.


I admit, I don't get hung up on packaging. I don't store my toys in the boxes they come in. I get that you don't want something to come in a taped together cardboard box. I get that you want the package holding whatever you're getting to be aesthetically pleasing. I get it but I don't care much about packaging honestly. I will hand it to Lelo however. They're packaging is quite lovely. The Ella came in a black box that was nice enough it could have been holding a fancy necklace instead of a double ended dildo.

It comes with a satin pouch to store the toy in and that does make me happy. I prefer to store my toys in pouches honestly. They take up less space than a box and they keep lint, hair, dust or any other type of debris lurking in your drawer from getting on the toy.

It also includes and instruction manual and the standard 1 Year LELO warranty. So lets start where I always do and check out the boring details of the toy.

Material: Silicone
Texture: Velvety

Features: Double ended, Phthalates free

Length: 7"
Insertable length: 5"
Circumference: 4"
Diameter: 1 1/4"


Ella is made from silicone and has a super soft, velvety texture. Holding the toy in my hand, I was happy with the shape and feel of the toy. She is firm but not completely rigid. There is some pliability to the toy. She'll flex for you but she isn't the least but floppy. Which is nice. I like a good firm dildo that has a little bit of flex. It makes it easier to use if the form will flex a little yet still be firm.

If you want a toy that is going to fill you up, this won't be the one for you. It's not that big and it's going to leave you wanting if you're looking for something to give you that full feeling. If you want g-spot stimulation, you're definitely going to get it with this baby. The shape and size of the flat, wide head of the toy make it easy to stimulate the g-spot. Getting the head of the toy to hit my g-spot wasn't a problem at all. The problem I had is that the head kept getting hooked on my pubic bone which caused a slight bit of discomfort each time it happened. Totally hard to have an enjoyable time when something keeps doing something that doesn't feel entirely pleasurable.

The head tapers down into a thinner neck that has a flat, top surface. Then it widens back out to a wider, thicker bottom then the bottom ends in a slimmer point. The flat surface on top at the neck works quite well for getting a good grip on the toy if you're inserting the bulkier end.

Which brings me to the next thing. The other end of the toy. It's wider but still won't give you that full feeling if that's what you're looking for. I did like how this end of the toy felt inside me though. It felt less awkward than the head. The smooth texture combined with the shape felt quite nice inside of my vagina. However, after several minutes of using it, it just wasn't doing it for me.

You can also use this toy anally but I chose not to. Not for any safety reasons, more so because I just wasn't feeling the Ella that well. If you do use it anally, please be careful and keep a good grip on the toy. When the toy gets covered in lube, it's a little difficult to hold on to.

I did get off once while using the toy. It's almost impossible for me to not get off when stimulating my g-spot. The head end does work well for that. I just really wasn't feeling this toy though.

Remember, Ella is made of silicone so don't use a silicone based lube with her or you'll do some damage.

Cleaning of this toy is super easy. There are no batteries since it isn't a vibrator and there's nothing you have to watch out for. Some warm water and soap and you're good to go if you just want to give it a good clean. You can also give boil, use a 10% bleach solution or sit it in the top rack of your dish washing machine if you're lucky enough to have one of those things. If you plan on sharing Ella, make sure you sterilize the toy well before passing her on and once you get her back.

I really wanted to like this toy. Not because of all the hype that surrounded it. I don't ever let my expectations get too high with anything. Like I said, I'm a cynical girl so having high expectations just isn't my thing. I wanted to dig it because once I had it out of the box and in my hand, the texture of it and the shape made me really want to enjoy it. I was hoping it would rock my socks off and be my new favorite dildo. The lines and curves of the Ella are gorgeous. The texture is wonderful and feels almost decadent against your skin. When people call LELO "luxury sex toys" they really aren't exaggerating. From an engineering standpoint, this toy is great.

From my own personal standpoint, I'm just not impressed with Ella and she doesn't do that much for me. I'm sure there are quite a few of you out there who would LOVE to own this beautiful dildo though. Hell, there are tons of people out there who do own Ella and do love the toy to death. I'm just not one of them and don't see myself using this toy very often, if I use her again at all.

Thank you to Tabu Toys for letting me trying this toy out!

Thumbelina, this isn't a fairy tale...

The lovely folks at TabuToys sent me the Vibratex Thumbelina to try out. I really dig Vibratex toys most of the time so I was happy to see the company name on the toy box. I was also happy to see a pretty purple toy peeking out of the box at me.

I know a lot of people don't want the specifics of the toys in reviews but some people do. I know you can get them off the website that's selling the toy. Blah blah blah. Not everyone wants to go look them up and it's not a big deal to include them. If you don't want the boring details, skip down a little bit and get to the good stuff. =)

Material: Elastomer.

Size: The toy as a whole is 8 1/4" in length but you can only insert 3 1/2" of the toy. An inch in diameter at it's widest point and 4 1/4" in circumference.

Functions: Rotating, vibrating.

Features: Textured, multifunctional, multi-speed, contoured, phthalate-free, built in control pad that doubles as a nifty handle.

What you need: 4 AAA Batteries. (And some lube ;))

When I first opened up the Thumbelina, my immediate reaction was to scrunch up my face and ponder the shape of the toy. I took it and rinsed it off with some warm water and some soap because I never use any toy without cleaning it first. Some people don't do this, some people think it's weird I do it; whatever. I just feel weird not cleaning before using it for some reason, lol.

Thumbelina is a dual action vibrator that not only vibrates but also rotates. It is made out of elastomer and covered with a nubby texture. The shaft begins with a large bulbous head, perfectly angled and ergonomically designed to hit the G-Spot then she tapers down into a slimmer shaft. The nubs are all over the shaft but there is only a single line of nubs around the side of the thick, bulbous head. Due to the softness of the elastomer, you can't really feel the nubs on the shaft/head all that much. Even though the nubs are a rather decent size, they're just too soft to really be felt that well. For anyone who likes to really feel the nubs on their toys, you will probably be disappointed with the lack of sensation the texture on this toy provides.


The clitoral stimulator is also covered in nubs but they're quite a bit larger and thicker than the ones that cover the shaft. There is also a thing at the top of the clitoral stimulator, reminds me of a rhino horn but it's an elastomer prong that buzzes around quite nicely when the toy is turned on. That, as well as the nubs, work quite well on the clitoris. You'll have no problem feeling them against you and since they're so soft, they're not irritating at all.

The handle has a hatch on the bottom that pops open to show the battery housing. There's a little button at the back of the handle that you press in and it easily pops open the hatch door to insert or remove the batteries. My only gripe about that would be that if you hold your thumb at the base of the handle to hold the toy, the button is right there so it's easy to release the hatch door on accident. It all depends on how you hold the toy though. Avoid the button and you'll be fine. There are two sliding controls on the handle. One to control the rotation function and one to control the vibrations. They don't move easily enough that you'll be able to accidentally change settings while you're using it but they're not so firm that you'll have any trouble getting them to move while playing.

The bullet for this toy is inside the clitoral stimulator. It packs a nice little buzz considering this thing runs off AAA batteries. The vibrations travel decently to the head and slim shaft of the toy. Oddly, even though the shaft is closer to the clitoral stimulator, the vibrations are better felt in the head of the toy. Not a complaint honestly. ;)

The shaft and head of the toy can move in a rotating motion. I might like this except honestly I'm a bit too tight to really enjoy the rotations. If I turn the rotation function on, press the head to my clit and let it work circles there, it feels rather nice. Insert the toy and let it rotate though and it doesn't work too well for me. It's not strong enough and pretty much doesn't move around. It also sounds like it's about to break in there on that feature. I thought it might be the toy so I used it in my hand a few times, just making a fist around the toy and it moved around in my fist just fine. So that was a bummer because I have another toy that also rotates and it feels flipping amazing.

The vibrations are pretty nice for something small that runs off AAA batteries. Definitely more of a punch than I was expecting which was a pleasant surprise. The clitoral stimulator, with the vibrations and the textures, feels extremely good. I had the toy inserted, on vibrate and just let the clitoral stimulator work me over for a few minutes. It felt amazing. You can rock the toy back and forth inside you, you can slide it in and out, rock up and down with it; any number of combinations. Though for me, the length doesn't make it very enjoyable for sliding it in and out but I'm sure there are some out there that would be fine with that.

The noise level wasn't bad at all. I had the radio on at a moderate level and it covered up the sound of the vibe. Even without background noise on, it still wasn't that loud. Someone walking by wouldn't have heard it unless they stopped outside the door and were listening. Then they would definitely hear a little something.

To hear the noise level and me showing off the rotation skills this toy has, watch the video. ;)



Sometimes, the smell of a toy just kills me. Luckily, that wasn't the case with this one. I didn't notice any smell at all. And yes, if you're wondering, I held it up to my nose and smelled it after I pulled it out of the packaging. It didn't smell like a damn thing at all. Which is wonderful. Who wants a toy that has a scent that makes you want to gag when you pull it out of the box? Not I.

Cleaning this toy is easy. You have to watch out for the handle/control pack. Like any other toy with batteries that isn't waterproof of splashproof, you have to be mindful of the battery pack. I've been keeping it inside of a velvet pouch when not in use and it doesn't collect lint or anything at all. Which is definitely nice.

So, do I have a gripe about the toy?

Aside from not being able to use the rotation feature, which is no fault of the toy honestly, one thing that bugs me is that if you use both features at the same time, it isn't powerful enough. If you turn on the rotations while it's vibrating, it sucks the vibrations down to a gentle buzz, even if the vibrations are on high and the rotations are on a middle speed. That's a bummer in my opinion. Though, since I can't use the rotation feature once inserted, it's not too big of an issue personally. For someone else who may not have the same issue, it might be a real turn off for the toy though.

As I already said, the nubs on the shaft and head are a bummer too. If the texture on the shaft and head were like the thicker, larger nubs on the clitoral stimulator, ohmywow would that be awesome. As is though, they might as well not even be there.

Thumbelina is a fun toy but since I can't fully use it the way it's intended, I probably won't be using it very often.

You want some cheap sex toys or gift cards people?!

I love helping people. I do it as often as I can, in any way I can. So when one of my blog/twitter buddies, @naughtyeliot, tweeted that she was going to put some sex toys and gift cards up for sale on her website at discounted rates, I immediately offered to help pimp her sale out. Her and her family go through a lot of ups and downs and they're having a damn difficult time right now. She's parting with some really awesome stuff too so run over there and check out what she's got up for grabs. There's $100 gift card she's doing for $75 and a motherfucking PURE WAND for $80. If I had the $80 to spare, I'd so buy the Pure Wand myself, sadly I can't do that. She has glass up for sale as well as a few other gift cards not to mention books. And if you don't want to buy anything she's offering but want to give them some help, use the donation button and drop a few bucks her way.

She is one of the kindest, sweetest, most caring people I've come to know on the interwebz. She is always offering to let me vent and she can always make me chuckle when I need to. She's a total sweetheart. And she's been wonderful in privately checking up on me to see how I'm doing and asking about the ordeal going on with my grandfather right now. She's a truly wonderful woman and I adore the hell out of her.

Alright, what are you still doing here? GO check out her discounted toys and gift card sale! Scoot!

Do The Wave... or don't.

The Wave is an interesting looking toy. Designed to stimulate the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time with little nubs for added sensations. The design is what attracted me to it. So when it showed up in a box on my doorstep, I was anxious to give it a try. It looked like fun so I was happy to try it out courtesy of the awesome people at Tabu Toys. Though due to being sick for close to a month and then Mother Nature blessing me with her monthly gift right when I started to feel better from having the flu, I didn't get to try this toy out for quite some time.

The Wave is a multi-speed G-spot and clitoral vibrator. It's made out of jelly. I don't normally care for jelly but this toy looked interesting so I set aside my dislike of jelly to test it out. The toy isn't that small. It's 9 1/2" in total length. Though the curved shaft of the toy is only 4" in length. The rest is made up of the clitoral stimulator and the handle. The Wave is 1 3/8" in diameter at it's widest point.

The curved shaft has a circumference of 3" at the smaller part close to the base of the clitoral stimulator then widens to a circumference of 4 1/2" inches. The bulbous head has little nubs all over for added stimulation.

The clitoral stimulator base is also covered in little nubs and has a diameter of 1 3/8". The bullet is also located in the middle of the toy, where the clitoral stimulator is.

The Wave is controlled by a light up control pack that connect to the toy via a lengthy cord. The control pack is powered by 2 AA batteries and unscrews at the bottom easily to insert the batteries. There are 4 levels vibration and you cycle through them with the arrows on the control pack, one arrow pointing up and one pointing down.


The Wave is made out of jelly, it's firm but slightly flexible. It's not very pliable but it isn't completely stiff either.

When I opened the toy, the smell was a little off putting. Thought the smell was only slight, not near as bad as other jelly toys I've had to try.

I put the batteries into the control pack and then cleaned the toy off. I ran my fingers over the little nubs over the bulbous head and the clitoral bump. They felt okay but slightly rough. I used a water-based lube to lube the toy up and started my play.

That bulbous head with the nubs all over it? Ouch! From the get go, it hurt putting it in. I stopped trying and grabbed another vibrator to work myself open a bit more. Once I wasn't as tight, I tried The Wave again. The nubs on the bulbous head still hurt going in but once you get the toy in place, the nubs on the head don't hurt anymore. The shaft didn't really hit my g-spot but the clitoral stimulator fit snugly against my clit when the toy was in place. The shaft seemed a little too long inside me though and it felt slightly awkward. I love g-spot stimulation but it just wasn't rocking it for me.

The hump that the clitoral stimulator is on felt damn good though. The nubs there weren't as abrasive as the nubs on the head. The vibrations were nice and felt good against my clit.

Despite hurting on the way in, once the shaft was inserted, the nubs on the head weren't painful. I was only able to rock the toy side to side slightly. As I said, the shaft didn't hit my g-spot so the rocking didn't really do much for me there. The clitoral stimulation was quite nice but it just wasn't enough to get me off.

Pulling the toy out was as painful and annoying as putting the toy inside me was. The nubs on the head are just too abrasive to feel good.



I did try to use the head on my clit but that didn't do much either. The bullet is located in the middle of the toy in the hump where the clitoral stimulator is. The vibrations don't travel very well to the head of the toy. Which might be a reason why the shaft, once inserted and in place, didn't do much for me. I couldn't really feel the shaft vibrating much, even on the highest setting. So using the head on the clit didn't do so hot for me either.

The toy is not for sliding in and out of your vagina. Even if you wanted to, the uncomfortable nubs on the head are painful enough that sliding it in and out wouldn't feel good at all.

There are four level of vibrations. The highest setting is a good vroom. The lowest one isn't much. The second and third settings are decent. As I said though, the vibrations don't travel very well to the end of the toy so the shaft and head only get a low to mild vibration.

The Wave isn't very noisy. Some low background noise would cover up the noise of the vibrations pretty well and the noise it makes isn't at all distracting.

The control pack is attached to the toy via a cord that is pretty lengthy. The cord doesn't really get in the way and the control pack is easy to operate.

The handle is one of the better features of the toy. Though once inserted, the toy doesn't move much. The handle makes it quite easy to have a good hold on the toy and get a lot of control over it.

The toy can be used anally but I didn't try it. It hurt enough going in my vagina and being removed, no way was I trying it in my ass. I also imagine it would be difficult to keep a condom over the toy based on the design.

It's also waterproof but I didn't test that feature honestly. The abrasive nubs on the head really turned me off of experimenting with this toy a lot.

The design is interesting but it isn't going to fit everyone. The clitoral stimulator was perfectly in place once I had the toy inserted but I didn't get any g-spot stimulation from the shaft at all. Had the shaft been a little shorter and curved up slightly more, it would have hit my g-spot perfectly. We're all built differently so there isn't really a way to tell if the toy is going to fit your body comfortably or not just by looking at it.

Cleaning was super easy though. The nubs were easy to get clean and with some warm water and soap the toy was clean as new. That funky smell wasn't as noticeable after I washed it either.

I think had the nubs on the head been less abrasive and had I actually been able to feel some g-spot stimulation, I would have LOVED this toy. I love the concept of it but this toy just didn't do it for me. Though I'm sure there are those of you out there who would absolutely love it.

Bonsai!

The most recent toy the super awesome people at Eden Fantasys sent to me was another one that looks rather odd. Like I've said before, I love trying out the toys that don't look like all of the rest. The unique ones catch my eye. So when I saw the Bonsai Joy by Erotic Embrace, it looked like something I would totally be down to try. Check it out.

Weird looking little thing isn't it?

The Bonsai Joy is made out of Phthalate free Elastomer. It has a similar feel to a jelly toy but it's softer and there isn't any funky smell to it. From what I understand, the material is supposedly safer and all around better than jelly and I would agree that it definitely feels better than jelly. Then again, I'm not a fan of jelly at all but I digress. It's a g-spot vibe that also offers clitoral and perineum stimulation. The toy is 6" in length but you can only insert 3 1/4" of the toy. The shaft is curved and formed mostly of three balls with little ticklers all over them. There is also one little nub on the bottom ball and two little nubs on the second ball for added stimulation. The nubs also have ticklers attached there as well. The shaft is pliable yet also rather firm. The shaft is rather slim for my liking as the center ball is 1 1/4" in diameter and is the largest ball of the three. It's easy to get in though and the unique design of the curved shaft formed of tickler covered balls is definitely nice over your average simple curved toy.

A large bullet attached to a battery powered control pack takes care of the multi-speed vibrations. There are four settings for the vibrations. The first three are continuous vibrations like most toys and range from what I'll call low, medium and high. The fourth setting is a pulsating vibration. The controls are simple. The button to the right turns the toy on or off and the button on the left cycles through your four levels of vibrations. The bullet is also removable and comes out with no problem. It's also easy to put back in.

The battery pack runs off two AA batteries. The battery compartment lid slides down easily but doesn't come off all of the way. You slide down and then flip it up to insert or remove the batteries. I liked that the lid doesn't come off all of the way because you never have to worry about losing it. I also had no problem with it slipping at all during use of the pack so yay.



I always clean my toys when I get them out of the package. I know they've never been used before. In this toy, there was no chemical smell or no smell at all honestly. Still, I clean them before the first use, after every use and sometimes if they've been sitting for a while... yep, I clean them again before using them. No one can ever say my naughty toys are dirty. In a literal sense anyway. ;)

I really love the way the shaft feels. It isn't the biggest and even though it's a g-spot toy, it doesn't really reach the g-spot that well. It reaches enough that the vibrations of the toy provide some stimulation to the g-spot but it's not enough. If the insertable length for half an inch or an inch longer, it would be heaven for your g-spot. The design of the toy is what I like. The top and bottom balls are the same size I believe but the center one is larger. You can really feel the size of the balls as you slide the toy in and out. I got a lot of stimulation from the curve and the ball shapes. It really feels great. The ticklers also provide more added sensation but only slightly for me. The nubs that I mentioned on the center ball and the one nub on the bottom ball weren't noticeable for me. I didn't feel any added sensation from them and only vaguely noticed their presence once inserted.

The base of the toy in the front has more ticklers and that is supposed to be a clitoral stimulator. It didn't reach my clitoris though which was disappointing. That part of the toy is pretty much useless because it doesn't do what it's supposed to do. If your clit is maybe an inch or less from your vagina, you'll have great luck with this. Mine doesn't happen to be that close so I didn't get any stimulation from the front. If it were a bit longer then it would have offered great clitoral stimulation I assume. I could feel the vibrations from it greatly since the base is sitting right on top of the bullet. It would have been nice if it would have been long enough to actually reach my clit. Though, I don't mind much because while I do LOVE clitoral stimulation, I don't need it to get off. It's just like sprinkles on a cupcake for me; not necessary but definitely a nice little extra I'll never complain about.

The base of the toy in the back has a larger size nub. I figured that was probably there to massage the perineum because it's not going much farther than that honestly, lol. If that's not what it's for then I'm going to say it's just for decoration because seriously, even if it could reach something else, it's not big enough to do any kind of good. I could feel the vibrations gently in that area so it did add a small amount of added sensation.

The actual vibrations aren't bad. The low setting is gentle and didn't do much for me. The second vibration setting was a bit stronger and the third vibration setting was fairly nice. It wasn't really strong but a good moderate vibration that got me going really well. The pulsating vibration was only so-so. It was somewhere between the gentle low setting and the second setting for the vibrations. You could feel it but there wasn't a lot of oomph behind it.

My only complaint vibrations wise is that I didn't feel that the top ball (that has the most ticklers on it by the way) of the curved shaft got enough vibration. The base sits on top of the bullet so it was buzzing away nicely. The bottom and middle balls of the curved shaft were fine too but the top ball seemed to be missing out because even on the highest setting, it didn't feel like it was getting enough of the power distributed up to it. With that being the part that was actually toying with my g-spot, I would have liked some of the oomph from the base to make it up to the top. Still, it felt good though. A lot of what I enjoy about that toy is really the shape and curve of the shaft. It's just delicious as it's being worked in and out of you.

I did try to use the shaft of the toy to stimulate my clitoris. It got there fine and the ticklers felt interesting in a very good way against my clit. The lack of power reaching that top ball wasn't a problem when using it on and around my clitoris. That felt awesome.

I also removed the bullet and played with it on it's own. I used to to tease and stimulate my clitoris, nipples and slid it up and down the lips of my vagina. Fun times I say. Since it's removable, you can also use a different bullet in the sleeve if you have one similar in size. That way if you want more powerful vibrations, more tame vibrations, a different combination of things or whatever; you can just remove the one it comes with and use your own.

Noise wise, it isn't too bad. I also have incredibly sensitive hearing. Seriously, don't whisper if you're going to sit next to me because there's about a 90% chance I'm going to hear what you say. I have freakishly good hearing. I digress. It's a little noisy but nothing that can't be handled. If you shut the bedroom door and have on some background noise such as the TV or some music playing at a moderate level, you can faintly hear the noise of the bullet mixed in with the background noise. That's if you're standing right outside the door. Standing about two feet away from the closed door, I didn't hear anything but the music I had on.

Cleaning the toy is easy. The bullet comes out quite easily so you don't have to worry about getting the large bullet or the cord wet. The end of the toy is left open though, leaving the bottom of the bullet and the cord exposed. That part of the toy doesn't come in contact with the body though. Inside the shaft, there is a tube that prevents the shaft from being floppy. The tube can come out but it is extremely difficult to get the tube out and equally as difficult getting it back in since it wasn't made to come out, lol. I don't think it's very likely you're going to need to clean the inside of the toy since you shouldn't be able to get much, if anything, in there. If you do, luckily the insides don't come in direct contact with flesh. I get extremely wet during play and sex and I didn't have a problem. I was also careful in cleaning not to get any soap and water up in the shaft area. Getting that tube out and back in twice was so not something I wanted to do, lol. You could always use a condom over the toy as well. The only downfall to that is you don't get the soft feeling of the elastomer and the condom also keeps you from feeling the ticklers that are all over the shaft. If you're going to share the toy, using the condom would be good anyway since you can't totally sanitize the toy.

You can use this toy anally but I haven't done that. Yet. I will and my follow up commentary talking about my anal experience will be added on Eden Fantasys. So you'll have to check there in a week or so and see what I think about this toy when used for anal. I also need to use it with my boyfriend and see what he has to say about it. I love throwing in the male perspective on these things. Though he did help with something in the review. You'll notice in some of the pictures there is a large hand holding the toy in a few of the shots. I had my boyfriend hold it while I took pictures. He's such a good sport. ;)

I do like this toy though and I've used it several times now. I think if the shaft were slightly longer, if the top ball got all the vibrations the base does and if the clitoral stimulator could actually reach my clit.... then I would love this toy. Just a little fine tuning is all it needs and it would rock my fucking socks off.

Bonsai joy G-spot and clitoral vibrator by Erotic Embrace Material: Elastomer Safety: $42.99 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee: