And it's the stars, the stars that shine for you....

I LOVE stars. For once, I'm not talking about the Dallas Stars either. (Though y'all know I love them too.) My boyfriend got me this necklace a couple years ago. Not for any reason. Just because. He saw it and knew I would like it because it was a star and it was simple in design. Nothing too girly. Nothing too flashy. So he got it for me and gave it to me. I remember asking what it was for. When we were finally in a serious relationship together, I was a little suspicious about his "just because" gifts. I'd never had a dude that got me things "just because" as often as he did. He said he just liked to get me little things because it made me smile and because I get excited and goofy about them. True story. I still do. He still gets me little random things, just because, almost 3 years later. Nothing ever expensive and usually not jewelry because I don't really wear a lot of jewelry and prefer things that are darker and less shiny, lol. I digress. I thought I lost this necklace. I hadn't seen any sight of it for around 6 months now and figured after going through my things several times in search of it that it must be gone, lost for good. I found it yesterday. Buried in my backpack in a hidden inner pocket. How it got there, I have no idea. I was happy to see it though. I traded in my standard choker yesterday and wore this lovely dangling little thing instead. I would forget I had it on until I would shift a certain way and one of the points would gently poke into my skin, reminding me it was there. Which subsequently reminded me of how sweet my boyfriend can be and put me in a better mood. You can click that picture up top to see a slightly bigger picture of the necklace.

I went to Best Buy yesterday. I purchased two games for my Nintendo DS. One of them was LEGO Batman! I came SO dangerously close to buying a Wii too. I want one. We used to have one. We don't anymore. 22 and his girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, had a not so good breakup and she took the Wii back since it was a gift from her. Bitch. Anyway, I miss the Wii. I had the money to buy it. I need the money for other things though. The pull was strong though. It definitely didn't help that the Wii was on the same aisle as all the DS games. I called Boyfriend and had him be my willpower to talk me out of buying the Wii. Lol. Usually, I have no willpower issues when it comes to spending money. I'm very good at budgeting and saving. I just had a temporary *moment* and wanted to go spend crazy and get that Wii. I was fine once I was out of that damn store and happy I hadn't wasted the money. I can get a Wii once I get moved back to Texas and have a job going there.


"Through Glass" by Stone Sour.
The lyrics that scroll by in the video are mostly accurate, heh.

Happy Wednesday!

Your blinding smile is only your illusion, stop, baby don't breath....

"Why do we fall sir?

So we can learn to pick ourselves back up."

That is one of my favorite lines out of the movie Batman Begins. Of course, I had heard something similar long before the movie was thought up. Just sayin', the line and the scene it happens in are among my favorites in the movie. I love the movie too because hey, I love just about anything that has to do with Batman. Not to mention I think Christopher Nolan rocks.

One of my favorite ways to relax after work is to watch a movie. I don't care for much that comes on television. I'm a House freak. I love CSI. I find other shows entertaining but I don't try to keep up with much. I'd rather watch sports or a movie. I get home from work between midnight and 2 am, so there isn't much in sports for me to watch. Unless I have a Stars game from the night recorded on the DVR because I missed it earlier because of that job thing. So generally, I prefer to watch a movie after work to relax. Or at least part of one I've seen before if I'm not going to be able to stay awake for it all, lol. I like my job for the most part. I like most of my managers for the most part too. It's my co-workers and the customers that irritate me. I can't stand how petty, immature, two-faced, gossipy, self-entitled, over-inflated and ignorant my co-workers are for the most part. The customers, it's about half and half with. Some days better, some days worse. You just have to try and not let people get to you too much. I used to get so annoyed, so much more easily than I do now. I learned not to let people piss on my parade and make my day more shitty. They can only do that if I allow them to influence me so. Most days I remember that and don't let people get to me. Some days, I slip. Thankfully, I always remember later. After I'm done slamming things around and venting my anger through actions and noises. ;)

Anyway.... My Stars play tonight! I'll be at work though. I always wear a Stars tshirt (I have 4 or 5 different ones, lol) under my work shirt on game nights I have to be at work. I'm not sure why I do that either. I just started doing it. The night I started doing it, they lost. I still do it anyway. Recently, we've done pretty badass. I'm talking weeks, not the last couple games, lol. Hopefully they do well in the game tonight. GO STARS!

I haven't had much internet here in the last few days. The weather has been terribly crappy. Lots of strong wings, cold, rain, ice, snow and all that fun shit. We have wireless. It doesn't like to keep a signal for long. I actually wrote this post out in MS Word and then when the internet was working for a few minutes, hopped on and set it to auto post. While I miss reading the blogs and being able to respond to the emails I have stacking up (I'll get to them as I can =D) what sucks more is not being able to check on the couple games I play on-line and not being able to get on NHL.com, lol. I'm lame, I know this and I'm fine with it. My games I play are interactive games so my characters on them need tending to on a regular basis. I'm missing doing that, lol. I'm not your hardcore total OMG I'M HAVING WITHDRAWALS type gamer but I'm semi-addicted to the couple I do play. Which reminds me. I LOVE the Nintendo DS Lite that Boyfriend got me for That Holiday. I knew I loved those things already. Youngest Brother has an original DS and I loved playing that thing. My issue is, especially with the Guitar Hero game, is that I sit down to play it for half and hour and then I'm playing for an hour or longer. I say I'll play one more song and then five songs later, I put it down. I'll clear one more level on this game and then I'll be done. Then six levels later, I'll finally put it down. I get sucked into that shit and end up playing for longer than I intend to, lol. I want some of those Brain games too. I love doing things like those and I already know I'll get stuck on them too. It's the same with books. My biggest problem with books is I go through them too fast. I'll say I'm going to stop for the day at the ending of chapter five and then by chapter twelve, I finally put the book down. Usually because I have something else I actually have to do, not because I'm tired of reading, lol. I get lost in things I really enjoy. I don't mind. Sometimes, it's annoying though since I know I could have gotten something more productive done. It doesn't bother me or effect me negatively enough to change it though so I'm good.

Oh you know what pisses me off? When you're watching a movie and the DVD/BluRay player just fucking flakes out and the movie freezes. You can try all the ways you're supposed to to make it work, to make it go but nothing. Wait, wait, wait. Troubleshoot this, troubleshoot that. You're restarting your damn movie, all over from the beginning. That little power light blinks right off as you're resetting it and it's totally mocking you. Simple little human, slave to the electronic devices. You push the buttons but who ends up frustrated when it doesn't work right or when it malfunctions? Yuh, we do. Of course, I don't believe the BluRay player we have has any emotions or feelings but it sounds all dramatic like to make it seem like there's a bigger plan in the scheme of things other than the simple fact that there was some kind of lame malfunction in the hardware. C'mon now. =)

That's enough rambling for today. I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. =)

Happy Monday!

Love sings, when it transcends the bad things....

I have been called a slut more than my fair share of times. Whore, skank, hoe, tramp, cock whore, cum dumpster and tons of other lamely crafted nicknames that all mean the same basic thing. Sometimes it's said jokingly, mildly with affection but mostly in jest. More often than not though, it's being said with the negativity that most people associate with those terms.

It's never really bothered me though because I don't think I'm a slut. Sometimes, it does piss me off if it's coming from some moron who can't argue properly and resorts to name calling. Or if the girl calling me a whore is someone who spends twice as much time on her back as I do with three times as many different people. Then shh, bitch please. Mostly though, it's just a stupid term, a silly little word, that means very little to me.

Tell me, who cares who I fuck or how many I fuck as long as I'm doing it safely? Why does it concern anyone else? The only people it should concern are the ones doing anything physical with me.

I have never cheated on anyone. I wouldn't ever cheat on someone. I don't cross boundaries. I don't deceive. I always made sure anyone I got physically involved understood what was going on and what I wanted. If what I wanted was something casual, I made it known. If I was hoping for me, I made it known. If I didn't want to go passed a certain activity point, it was known.

Does it make me a bad person because I like sex?

Does it make me a bad person because I've had sex with more than one person?

Does it make me a bad person because I like sex with both males and females?

No, I don't think it does.

Do I have low self esteem?

Do I have low self worth?

Do I lack self respect?

No, no and no again.

I don't have sex to make myself feel good about who I am. I don't use sex to get what I want. I don't use sex to make anyone do things I want them to do. I don't use it for power, control, advancement or manipulation. I don't use it to feel wanted, loved or needed. I don't do it to feel worthy of anything. I do it simply because I enjoy it.

Some people do it for those reasons. I don't think those are good reasons to have sex honestly but it's not my business if I'm not involved. I think it's shitty to use it as a form of control. I think it's shitty to use it to manipulate. I wish those who use it as a means of esteem or to feel loved could get what they're looking for another way because people are worth more than just that. Whatever works for them though.

Some people think you shouldn't fuck until you're married. Some people think if you fuck more than 3 people, you're a whore. Some think this. Some think that. It's about your own morals, beliefs and perspective on the subject.

I remember a couple weeks ago, they were talking sluts at work again. I asked, again, what made one a slut. Different people in this convo as opposed to the last time. The girl said anyone who had slept with more than 5 people was a slut. The guy said anything in double digits made one a slut. The guy asked how many people I had slept with. I responded, "Enought to make me a really big slut by y'alls standards." Which is true, by their standards and how they think of things. Which is fine for them. I don't happen to agree but I can respect what they want to think and believe in. We talked a few more minutes and then it was done bun can't be undone and over with.

I don't care if someone wants to fuck 50 people. I won't assume they're doing it for any one reason or another. That's their business and not mine honestly.

What I care about is people who don't do it safely. I care about that. I care about the fact that people spread sexual diseases and infections around like it's nothing just because they don't like how a condom feels and want to fuck around a lot. I care about chicks getting knocked up by guys they won't be with in 6 months. I care about kids bringing kids into this world when they can't take care of themselves. I care about grown people bringing 10 kids into this world when they can't take care of 2. I care about people not practicing sex safely. Nothing is 100% effective but to not use condoms because you don't like the feel? Give me a fucking break. To not use birth control because you're too lazy or too embarrassed to go get yourself on it? The money excuse doesn't work. There are plenty of places you can get it for free. Even if you're underage. You can get free condoms and tons of other helpful things too. There is no excuse for having unprotected sex. If you're going to do it, you better be able to handle the consequences that very well may come along with it. Be it disease, infection, unplanned pregnancy or anything else.

I don't care if you want to fuck 30 different people in 30 different days. I don't care if it's your mission to fuck one person from every state. I don't care if your goal is to fuck yourself into an orgasm coma. Whatever floats your fucking boat. Just do it safely. There's no excuse not to. If you're too embarrassed to buy condoms or too embarrassed to get on some form of birth control, you don't need to be having sex. That's just my opinion though. If you can't deal with it responsibly, you don't need to be doing it at all.


Did you see this post complete with pictures?! It's my post from yesterday. I want to brag pimp it some more. ;) I sent Boyfriend his box of stuff off today. Can't tell y'all what I sent him though. Just in case he stops by to read before the box gets there. Maybe he'll blog about it when he gets it, lol. Doubt it though. ;)

Is anyone tired of the gothy pictures yet? Too bad if you are, lol. I totally have far too many of these things. Which is why I'm posting 4 each week. ;)

Happy Thursday!

Weak and want you need, nowhere as you bleed....

I did that sex meme yesterday that has been going around. I was kind of amused by some of the emails I got in regards to some of my answers. I even put a little disclaimer up. You would think "sex" meme alone would tip some folks off. The disclaimer spelled it right out for them too. Simple people. Don't email me and bitch about what I write, I'm going to ignore you. Seriously. Delete your email without replying and just laugh about it. Then write about it and gently poke more fun at you because you're whiny little butt (or big butt, whatever the case may be) has to complain about something instead of just moving on. You don't like it, don't read it. Go find a blog about cupcakes, movies, kittens, flying kites, making Play-Doh castles, cooking, seagulls, hot air balloons, pictures of leaves falling off trees or whatever suits your fancy. Mmmkay thanks bye! =)

A couple blogger friends of mine were giving me a hard time the other day. We were having a little group chat thing and they were teasing me for the fact that most of my clothing is black. They asked if I owned a single shirt that wasn't black. Of course, I do. I own some red ones, a dark green one, some grey ones, a few white ones, a couple blue ones and even an orange one. Also, this purple one I've got on right here. So, there. *sticking tongue out* There's nothing wrong with wearing black by the way. Don't ask why I own that purple t-shirt. The design on it was badass and I do like the color purple. Plus, it was on sale. Yuh.

Yesterday, I went and saw Underworld 3 again. Youngest Brother wanted to see it again and so did I. Little Sister hasn't seen it yet so she went with this time. I still love it. Mmmm. I love love love the Underworld movies. I think they're some of my favorites. As a matter of fact, we're about to watch the first one again. It's been far too long since I've seen it. =)

My boyfriend rocks. Of course, for a multitude of reasons which I brag talk about now and again. The praise of his rocking-ness today comes from a happy little surprise. I got a Valentines Day gift early yesterday. I got this....




It's a NintendoDS Lite. In onyx. Isn't it cuuute? Okay, so not as cute as some people find fluffy teddy bears and little puppies holding "I Love You" hearts but it got me feeling a certain level of "awwww" warm and fuzzy. I'm not a cards, candy, jewelry girl for the most part. I've wanted a DS for the longest time now. I was so beyond excited to get my hands on this little amazing monster.

I felt a little bad that he spent that much on me though. So I paid for the Guitar Hero bundle and Super Mario 64 DS plus the one year warranty for the DS.

I've already been playing Guitar Hero. Surprise! I've cleared several levels already but had to give my hand a break. Not like that pervos. Calm down. ;) Here's a few Guitar Hero shots. So fun.

I'm not a fan of Valentines Day honestly. I don't like it. My boyfriend gets in to it though. He likes to celebrate it and has fun with it. It makes him all kinds of happy. I'd feel like such a bitch with him getting me things and doing special things for me if I did absolutely nothing in return for him. Especially given that he does so awesome for me and plus, he's not so happy about the fact that we aren't going to be together this time around. So while I have never liked the holiday and find it ridiculous, I don't skip doing something for him in return just because it's my least favorite "holiday" all year. That would make me suck, in a bad way, for sure. I'd feel like a bitch, shithead, asshole etc, know what I mean? So, I got him a bunch of little things, a special little something and one awesome thing so I can send them off to him. Awww.

I'm skipping the Weirdness today. The questions are good this week but I'm not in the meme mood today. I'll probably answer them next week and have double the questions instead, lol.

"Today We Are All Demons" by Combichrist

Happy Wednesday!