Wordless Thursday.....
(Image heavy. Not my own photos.)
(Image heavy. Not my own photos.)
Happy Thursday!
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Monday, May 23, 2011
S&M VS abuse...
I am not a fan of Rihanna's music. I cannot stand the sound of her voice and I dislike her songs. Though, we play crappy pop music at work so at times I have to hear songs by her. Something that bothers me is after she did the song with Eminem about domestic violence and now her own S&M song is that I've heard people making comments about how she must have been asking for the abuse her ex gave her. Now, I don't watch her videos and don't follow anything about her. I don't even follow celebrity news or gossip because frankly. I don't give a damn about what goes on in the lives of people I don't know. So, I don't know if this is something a lot of people are saying or not but it really doesn't matter. I'm going to assume that it's a popular opinion among a lot of ignorant people and not just some of the people I work with and a few other narrow minded people I know.
Sex can get rough without getting in to anything S&M. Delving into S&M can be mildly rough. It can also get violent. Extremely painful. It depends on what you and your partner like and participate in.
Say your partner likes you to slap and choke her/him during sex. Does it make it okay to slap and choke her/him outside of sex? No, it doesn't.
Say your partner likes you to tie them down, drip hot candle wax all over them and then whip them until they're nice and welted. Does that mean you can get pissed at them, throw hot candle wax on them and beat them with that same whip? Nope.
Say your play goes outside of the bedroom and happens on a more regular basis. Does it make it okay to take advantage of that and be abusive during a disagreement or just because you're taking out stress or another emotion on them? NOPE.
Does it mean once they've told you to stop or used their safe word that you can keep going with the abuse because they like it most of the time? Nope, sure doesn't.
The difference between abuse and being rough in your sex life is the consent to do so. During sex and S&M play, your partner is consenting for you to do things with them. They're consenting to the level of pain you're inflicting and how you're delivering that pain. When it's outside of the bedroom and you hit them out of anger or some other emotion when they weren't consenting it; that's abuse. That's why people use safe words during play. So that one can let the other know that it's too much and to reign it in or stop all together. That's why there are rules people set in place with their partners when consenting to rough and sometimes violent play so you know what boundaries can be crossed and what boundaries can't be crossed. That's why communication in these roles is so important so you can discuss what's not enough, what's too far, what was okay but should never happen again, etc.
So people that say Rihanna likely deserved the abuse she got because she had it coming for getting kinky in the bedroom are ignorant.
Just because someone likes rough play in their sex life does not give anyone the right to abuse them any time they feel like it. Just because someone enjoys being rough or violent during sexual play doesn't mean "they have it coming" or "secretly want it" and it doesn't mean "it's okay because I've done worse in the bedroom before" because that's all bullshit. If they're not consenting to what you're doing to them, it's not right.
Sex can get rough without getting in to anything S&M. Delving into S&M can be mildly rough. It can also get violent. Extremely painful. It depends on what you and your partner like and participate in.
Say your partner likes you to slap and choke her/him during sex. Does it make it okay to slap and choke her/him outside of sex? No, it doesn't.
Say your partner likes you to tie them down, drip hot candle wax all over them and then whip them until they're nice and welted. Does that mean you can get pissed at them, throw hot candle wax on them and beat them with that same whip? Nope.
Say your play goes outside of the bedroom and happens on a more regular basis. Does it make it okay to take advantage of that and be abusive during a disagreement or just because you're taking out stress or another emotion on them? NOPE.
Does it mean once they've told you to stop or used their safe word that you can keep going with the abuse because they like it most of the time? Nope, sure doesn't.
The difference between abuse and being rough in your sex life is the consent to do so. During sex and S&M play, your partner is consenting for you to do things with them. They're consenting to the level of pain you're inflicting and how you're delivering that pain. When it's outside of the bedroom and you hit them out of anger or some other emotion when they weren't consenting it; that's abuse. That's why people use safe words during play. So that one can let the other know that it's too much and to reign it in or stop all together. That's why there are rules people set in place with their partners when consenting to rough and sometimes violent play so you know what boundaries can be crossed and what boundaries can't be crossed. That's why communication in these roles is so important so you can discuss what's not enough, what's too far, what was okay but should never happen again, etc.
So people that say Rihanna likely deserved the abuse she got because she had it coming for getting kinky in the bedroom are ignorant.
Just because someone likes rough play in their sex life does not give anyone the right to abuse them any time they feel like it. Just because someone enjoys being rough or violent during sexual play doesn't mean "they have it coming" or "secretly want it" and it doesn't mean "it's okay because I've done worse in the bedroom before" because that's all bullshit. If they're not consenting to what you're doing to them, it's not right.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monogamy, non-monogamy and sex...
I hate how so many non-monogamists believe that non-monogamy in some form is the only way to go. That monogamy can't work. Shout and shout that your lifestyle should be accepted yet criticize another one because it doesn't work for you. It works for plenty of people and plenty of people are happy in their monogamous marriages/relationships with no desire to add anything or change anything.
Before any non-monogamists go nuts on me; cool your jets. I'm bisexual. I've been with the same guy for almost 5 years now. I occasionally fool around with girls. He knows about it. He's fine with it. We don't have a traditional relationship. If he were ever uncomfortable with me doing what I do, I'd quit and never be with anyone but him ever again. I rarely ever have sex or fool around with anyone but him anymore anyway. When it happens, it's usually not planned. I don't have a very active interest in looking for a girl to play around with but if the opportunity is there and it happens? As long as he's okay with it and she's okay with it just being about sex; swell.
I just get annoyed with how many people spend so much time fighting for their lifestyle choices not to be judged negatively and looked down upon just because it's different yet in the process of fighting for that, they're negatively judging and putting down other people's lifestyle. You don't need to throw out divorce statistics, reasons why monogamy isn't sensible, tossing out statistics on why people cheat and on and on and on about how it doesn't work or how it's outdated, etc. It's insulting to tell someone in a happily monogamous relationship that they're jealous of you because you're open and secure enough to have other partners in your life and that they just wish they could have what you do. Not everyone wants that. It's like when someone against your open lifestyle tells you that you're just self-centered and attention seeking and that's the reason why you look for partners outside your relationship. Or that you're insecure and that you need to be validated by as many people as possible to feel worthwhile. While both statements can be true for some people on both sides, they're not true for everyone. You can support your lifestyle and your choices without tearing down another one to make your point. It puts you on the same level as the people you're "defending" yourself against once you start judging, trashing and negatively tearing them down for their choices.
You can't expect people to be accepting of you as you scoff at them, no matter what the subject is.
Before any non-monogamists go nuts on me; cool your jets. I'm bisexual. I've been with the same guy for almost 5 years now. I occasionally fool around with girls. He knows about it. He's fine with it. We don't have a traditional relationship. If he were ever uncomfortable with me doing what I do, I'd quit and never be with anyone but him ever again. I rarely ever have sex or fool around with anyone but him anymore anyway. When it happens, it's usually not planned. I don't have a very active interest in looking for a girl to play around with but if the opportunity is there and it happens? As long as he's okay with it and she's okay with it just being about sex; swell.
I just get annoyed with how many people spend so much time fighting for their lifestyle choices not to be judged negatively and looked down upon just because it's different yet in the process of fighting for that, they're negatively judging and putting down other people's lifestyle. You don't need to throw out divorce statistics, reasons why monogamy isn't sensible, tossing out statistics on why people cheat and on and on and on about how it doesn't work or how it's outdated, etc. It's insulting to tell someone in a happily monogamous relationship that they're jealous of you because you're open and secure enough to have other partners in your life and that they just wish they could have what you do. Not everyone wants that. It's like when someone against your open lifestyle tells you that you're just self-centered and attention seeking and that's the reason why you look for partners outside your relationship. Or that you're insecure and that you need to be validated by as many people as possible to feel worthwhile. While both statements can be true for some people on both sides, they're not true for everyone. You can support your lifestyle and your choices without tearing down another one to make your point. It puts you on the same level as the people you're "defending" yourself against once you start judging, trashing and negatively tearing them down for their choices.
You can't expect people to be accepting of you as you scoff at them, no matter what the subject is.
Happy Wednesday!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
My NYE: Drinking, dancing, kissing girls, etc...
I had planned to do a post today talking about my New Year's Eve. Just because I don't get to go out very often since I work weekends so I tend to lack having fun stuff to post on here lately, lol. Then last night got kind of crazy so I was contemplating not posting about it. Then I thought about it for a minute and was thinking, "fuck it, why not? I've posted worse on here anyway." ;) So, here we go.
So the night started with the Stars/Canucks game. I found some tickets last minute for cheap and we ended up going. Sitting up in the top sections but honestly, it's not so bad sitting up there for games. It's still a decent view and I was just happy to be there. The boyfriend, my and then our friend's Jameson and his girlfriend Blade. Jameson and Blade got tickets to the game months ago and were already going. We just made plans for them to ride with us and then all of us go party after the game. The game wasn't so great, we lost 4-1. Their backup goaltender was fucking killer. We outshot Vancouver 45 to 22. They weren't getting anything passed him. Dude keeps playing like that and he probably won't have any trouble landing as a #1 goalie somewhere. The Stars also didn't play that well. The penalty kill was atrocious and most of Vancouver's goals came from PP opportunities they had. Anyway...
After the game, we went to one of The Boyfriend's favorite bars. They had party hats, noise makers and all sorts of other party favors randomly laid out on the tables, bar top and pretty much everywhere. Giving drunk people noise makers is a great idea by the way. ;) The Boyfriend was our designated driver and drank water all night. The rest of us sat down, ordered drinks and got started. About 5 minutes after I got my first drink, we saw a girl go by with a tray with flashing LED lights on it. She had Jell-O shots and some other kind of bright colored shots. Blade and I hopped up and went to track her down. The other shots were different shots and game with a glow bracelet. Anyone who knows me knows I have a slight problem with glow stuff so I had to get a shot of stuff for the glow bracelet. Which at 5 dollars for a shot and a glow bracelet wasn't bad. The shot was... well, she told me.. I have since forgot. Meaning I forgot after she told me pretty much, lol. It was good and strong so woohoo. I also got some Jell-O shots. Blade got a shot with a glow bracelet and a few Jell-O shots for her and Jameson. Back to the table. Shots consumed. Laughter ensued. More drinks ordered. We were talking, people watching and having a good time. More drinking. Chased down the Jell-O shot tray girl again for a couple more Jell-O shots. Then it was almost midnight. They started passing out glasses of champagne for the countdown to midnight. Our waitress knew The Boyfriend wasn't drinking but left him one anyway. Blade wanted to know how awful the champagne was. I took a sip to let her know. It wasn't the worst I've had honestly. Then we both might have drank our champagne early. Our waitress might have also been really cool and brought us more without us even asking. ;) Midnight hit, champagne was consumed, making out ensued. A random girl came over and kissed Blade. She said she wanted to start 2011 off by kissing a stranger. Then she put her noise maker against the noise maker I had in my mouth and started blowing hers as I was blowing mine. Then she laughed and said we had noise maker sex. I told her she was off to a slutty start and she cracked up like that was the funniest thing she had heard all day. Ah, drunk people. Blade and I decided we wanted to go to the other side of the bar. (It's huge and has 2 sides with a bar on each. One side has a ton of tables, a stage for a band and a dance floor as well as the bar area and a couple booths along the wall that lead outside to the patio. There's also pool tables, dart boards and an air hockey table. The other side is more chill will a lot of booths, a few tables, lots of comfy leather chairs, dimmer lighting, more laid back music and lots of TVs playing sports and news.) We were on the more laid back side and were ready to head over to the other side and have some more fun. The Boyfriend and Jameson can't dance and don't like to dance. Blade and I left them over there. Blade hit the floor while I went after drinks. I came back to her to find some guy talking to her, trying to get her to dance. I put my arm around her and Blade told him I was her date for the night, so sorry she wasn't dancing with him. He looked at me and grinned and said, "Oh yeah, that's fine, I'll dance with both of you." Got a big grin on his face. I told him no thanks and to back off and lead her away from him. He moved off back to stand with his friends and we started dancing. A couple minutes later, some guy comes up behind me and starts dancing. I turn sideways and tell him to back off. He keeps dancing so I push him away from me. He moves back and yes, keeps dancing. So I elbow him in the stomach to back him up off me and tell him to back off and move away. He doesn't look happy about it but he does move away for the time being. A couple minutes later after the song ends, he comes up to Blade and asks her if I'm her friend and what's my deal. Blade told him we were together and he apologized and moved on. More dancing. Then another guy came up to me and asked if he could move in because he wanted to dance with me. I told him no, he whined. I told him to go away. He sulked off. We decided to go grab The Boyfriend and Jameson. After informing them of what we knew would likely happen if we went over there by ourselves, they decided they would come over to that side. We cashed out with our waitress then headed back over there. I thought the boys were just going to stand there but they actually danced with us. I have been with The Boyfriend for 4 and 1/2 years now. That was the first time he's ever danced with me because he always says no when I suggest dancing. I danced with him. I also danced more with Blade and some other random girls while the guys were there and we didn't get bothered my anyone else. Except one guy that came up and wanted to cut in with me when I was dancing with Blade but when he noticed the two guys after a second later, he held up his hands like he was saying sorry and went off to try his luck with another couple girls. We drank a little more as we danced. We went back to the other side to sit and cool down for a little bit. Blade was smashed and was staring at my chest. I was wearing a shirt with a low neckline (had been my undershirt but the Stars shirt had come off before we went into the bar so I was wearing a long sleeved v-neck shirt in there.) She smacked her hand on the table randomly and said, "Gosh your boobs are fucking huge. And nice. I can't... you know, I can't stop looking. I keep seeing other people looking and I'm like damn I don't blame them. I just want to grab them." So I told her something, don't remember what, but it was essentially saying it was fine. So she did. (A little backstory really quick, totally not the first time she's done that. Something similar happened during my birthday celebration in June last year and then during Jameson's birthday party in August as well. Also, for those who don't know... I'm bisexual and have been with girls before as well as had an actual girlfriend before years ago. Same for Blade. Anyway...) Then we decided to go back to the other side and dance more. We danced until 1:55 when the band stopped playing. It was so much fun. Aside from the few random guys but meh, that happens when you go out. You just have to be firm with them and if that doesn't work, there are cops and security around. Go find one if a persistent guy just will not leave you alone; that's what they're there for. Among other things.
And here's where it gets a little crazy and a little sexy. So if you don't want to read such things, even though I don't plan on going into a lot of details, skip the next few paragraphs, lol. Jameson, Blade and myself were all really drunk. Thankfully, even though we're loud and goofy drunks, The Boyfriend is amused by us when we're all smashed. I don't even remember what we were talking about for the most part. A lot of random stuff more than likely, lol. I do remember at one point Blade felt it necessary to apologize to my boyfriend for staring at my boobs all night. He just laughed and made a joke about that not being any different from most nights we hang out together. Which is true. She was sitting behind me in the backseat and ended up reaching up and around to put her hands on my chest. She was feeling me up and some how ended up leaning around up front. We were laughing about something and she said my lips smelled like raspberries. My lip balm has raspberry extracts in it. She asked if it tasted like raspberries, I kissed her. Then we were laughing... and then making out in the car. My boyfriend is fine with me having fun with other girls if the opportunity is available. Our rule is that I can't do it without talking it over with him first. Obviously, I kind of broke the rule because we didn't talk this over before we started making out and groping each other. I did stop a few minutes in to it and ask him if he was okay with it. He said, from his vantage point next to us in the drivers seat lol, if he wasn't okay with it he would have said something already. I asked if he was sure, he looked me in the eyes and said fine. I knew he was fine with it, we went back to making out. We stopped and asked Jameson a minute later if he was fine with it. He said he was. Apparently, they have the same kind of boundaries that The Boyfriend and I have, they just haven't actually had to worry about it yet. As we were closer to Blade's house, she somehow ended up in my lap and had her mouth going to work on my breasts as I was kissing and biting her neck. Then we turned down her street and her mom was outside of their house with her boyfriend, I guess waiting for them to get home or something. So, Blade and I kissed goodnight and then she hopped out of the car to go see what her mom and her mom's boyfriend were doing sitting out there. Jameson hopped out a minute later after saying goodnight and making a couple jokes.
The Boyfriend and I ended up going to get some food because I was starving and I was still pretty wound up. I get kind of hyper when I'm drunk. I asked again if he was okay with what happened and he assured me he was. Like he assured me it was fine the couple times we've flirted and made contact over the last few months. I know he says he's okay with it but I always like to check and make sure anyway. If he's ever not okay with it, I know he'll tell me.
We hung out while I ate and chatted about things. Jobs and stuff we're looking forward to. He also had a good time dancing and said he won't make me wait another 4 and 1/2 years to go again. So woohoo!
Then we went home. I think we were going to pass out by watching a movie but ended up making out instead. Then there was awesome sex. I remember he was trying to talk to me more afterward but I was so relaxed and drunk that I just passed right out as he was talking. Hopefully he wasn't anything important. :)
So, there was my New Years Eve. I'm sure I left some things out but for the most part, that covers it. :D Definitely not what I had planned on but I usually don't mind when things don't go according to plan anyway. It was a really damn fun night and I'm so happy that I convinced my boss to let me have the night off. It was the most fun I've had in months.
I hope that whatever way you chose to ring in the new year was fun, too. :)
So the night started with the Stars/Canucks game. I found some tickets last minute for cheap and we ended up going. Sitting up in the top sections but honestly, it's not so bad sitting up there for games. It's still a decent view and I was just happy to be there. The boyfriend, my and then our friend's Jameson and his girlfriend Blade. Jameson and Blade got tickets to the game months ago and were already going. We just made plans for them to ride with us and then all of us go party after the game. The game wasn't so great, we lost 4-1. Their backup goaltender was fucking killer. We outshot Vancouver 45 to 22. They weren't getting anything passed him. Dude keeps playing like that and he probably won't have any trouble landing as a #1 goalie somewhere. The Stars also didn't play that well. The penalty kill was atrocious and most of Vancouver's goals came from PP opportunities they had. Anyway...
After the game, we went to one of The Boyfriend's favorite bars. They had party hats, noise makers and all sorts of other party favors randomly laid out on the tables, bar top and pretty much everywhere. Giving drunk people noise makers is a great idea by the way. ;) The Boyfriend was our designated driver and drank water all night. The rest of us sat down, ordered drinks and got started. About 5 minutes after I got my first drink, we saw a girl go by with a tray with flashing LED lights on it. She had Jell-O shots and some other kind of bright colored shots. Blade and I hopped up and went to track her down. The other shots were different shots and game with a glow bracelet. Anyone who knows me knows I have a slight problem with glow stuff so I had to get a shot of stuff for the glow bracelet. Which at 5 dollars for a shot and a glow bracelet wasn't bad. The shot was... well, she told me.. I have since forgot. Meaning I forgot after she told me pretty much, lol. It was good and strong so woohoo. I also got some Jell-O shots. Blade got a shot with a glow bracelet and a few Jell-O shots for her and Jameson. Back to the table. Shots consumed. Laughter ensued. More drinks ordered. We were talking, people watching and having a good time. More drinking. Chased down the Jell-O shot tray girl again for a couple more Jell-O shots. Then it was almost midnight. They started passing out glasses of champagne for the countdown to midnight. Our waitress knew The Boyfriend wasn't drinking but left him one anyway. Blade wanted to know how awful the champagne was. I took a sip to let her know. It wasn't the worst I've had honestly. Then we both might have drank our champagne early. Our waitress might have also been really cool and brought us more without us even asking. ;) Midnight hit, champagne was consumed, making out ensued. A random girl came over and kissed Blade. She said she wanted to start 2011 off by kissing a stranger. Then she put her noise maker against the noise maker I had in my mouth and started blowing hers as I was blowing mine. Then she laughed and said we had noise maker sex. I told her she was off to a slutty start and she cracked up like that was the funniest thing she had heard all day. Ah, drunk people. Blade and I decided we wanted to go to the other side of the bar. (It's huge and has 2 sides with a bar on each. One side has a ton of tables, a stage for a band and a dance floor as well as the bar area and a couple booths along the wall that lead outside to the patio. There's also pool tables, dart boards and an air hockey table. The other side is more chill will a lot of booths, a few tables, lots of comfy leather chairs, dimmer lighting, more laid back music and lots of TVs playing sports and news.) We were on the more laid back side and were ready to head over to the other side and have some more fun. The Boyfriend and Jameson can't dance and don't like to dance. Blade and I left them over there. Blade hit the floor while I went after drinks. I came back to her to find some guy talking to her, trying to get her to dance. I put my arm around her and Blade told him I was her date for the night, so sorry she wasn't dancing with him. He looked at me and grinned and said, "Oh yeah, that's fine, I'll dance with both of you." Got a big grin on his face. I told him no thanks and to back off and lead her away from him. He moved off back to stand with his friends and we started dancing. A couple minutes later, some guy comes up behind me and starts dancing. I turn sideways and tell him to back off. He keeps dancing so I push him away from me. He moves back and yes, keeps dancing. So I elbow him in the stomach to back him up off me and tell him to back off and move away. He doesn't look happy about it but he does move away for the time being. A couple minutes later after the song ends, he comes up to Blade and asks her if I'm her friend and what's my deal. Blade told him we were together and he apologized and moved on. More dancing. Then another guy came up to me and asked if he could move in because he wanted to dance with me. I told him no, he whined. I told him to go away. He sulked off. We decided to go grab The Boyfriend and Jameson. After informing them of what we knew would likely happen if we went over there by ourselves, they decided they would come over to that side. We cashed out with our waitress then headed back over there. I thought the boys were just going to stand there but they actually danced with us. I have been with The Boyfriend for 4 and 1/2 years now. That was the first time he's ever danced with me because he always says no when I suggest dancing. I danced with him. I also danced more with Blade and some other random girls while the guys were there and we didn't get bothered my anyone else. Except one guy that came up and wanted to cut in with me when I was dancing with Blade but when he noticed the two guys after a second later, he held up his hands like he was saying sorry and went off to try his luck with another couple girls. We drank a little more as we danced. We went back to the other side to sit and cool down for a little bit. Blade was smashed and was staring at my chest. I was wearing a shirt with a low neckline (had been my undershirt but the Stars shirt had come off before we went into the bar so I was wearing a long sleeved v-neck shirt in there.) She smacked her hand on the table randomly and said, "Gosh your boobs are fucking huge. And nice. I can't... you know, I can't stop looking. I keep seeing other people looking and I'm like damn I don't blame them. I just want to grab them." So I told her something, don't remember what, but it was essentially saying it was fine. So she did. (A little backstory really quick, totally not the first time she's done that. Something similar happened during my birthday celebration in June last year and then during Jameson's birthday party in August as well. Also, for those who don't know... I'm bisexual and have been with girls before as well as had an actual girlfriend before years ago. Same for Blade. Anyway...) Then we decided to go back to the other side and dance more. We danced until 1:55 when the band stopped playing. It was so much fun. Aside from the few random guys but meh, that happens when you go out. You just have to be firm with them and if that doesn't work, there are cops and security around. Go find one if a persistent guy just will not leave you alone; that's what they're there for. Among other things.
And here's where it gets a little crazy and a little sexy. So if you don't want to read such things, even though I don't plan on going into a lot of details, skip the next few paragraphs, lol. Jameson, Blade and myself were all really drunk. Thankfully, even though we're loud and goofy drunks, The Boyfriend is amused by us when we're all smashed. I don't even remember what we were talking about for the most part. A lot of random stuff more than likely, lol. I do remember at one point Blade felt it necessary to apologize to my boyfriend for staring at my boobs all night. He just laughed and made a joke about that not being any different from most nights we hang out together. Which is true. She was sitting behind me in the backseat and ended up reaching up and around to put her hands on my chest. She was feeling me up and some how ended up leaning around up front. We were laughing about something and she said my lips smelled like raspberries. My lip balm has raspberry extracts in it. She asked if it tasted like raspberries, I kissed her. Then we were laughing... and then making out in the car. My boyfriend is fine with me having fun with other girls if the opportunity is available. Our rule is that I can't do it without talking it over with him first. Obviously, I kind of broke the rule because we didn't talk this over before we started making out and groping each other. I did stop a few minutes in to it and ask him if he was okay with it. He said, from his vantage point next to us in the drivers seat lol, if he wasn't okay with it he would have said something already. I asked if he was sure, he looked me in the eyes and said fine. I knew he was fine with it, we went back to making out. We stopped and asked Jameson a minute later if he was fine with it. He said he was. Apparently, they have the same kind of boundaries that The Boyfriend and I have, they just haven't actually had to worry about it yet. As we were closer to Blade's house, she somehow ended up in my lap and had her mouth going to work on my breasts as I was kissing and biting her neck. Then we turned down her street and her mom was outside of their house with her boyfriend, I guess waiting for them to get home or something. So, Blade and I kissed goodnight and then she hopped out of the car to go see what her mom and her mom's boyfriend were doing sitting out there. Jameson hopped out a minute later after saying goodnight and making a couple jokes.
The Boyfriend and I ended up going to get some food because I was starving and I was still pretty wound up. I get kind of hyper when I'm drunk. I asked again if he was okay with what happened and he assured me he was. Like he assured me it was fine the couple times we've flirted and made contact over the last few months. I know he says he's okay with it but I always like to check and make sure anyway. If he's ever not okay with it, I know he'll tell me.
We hung out while I ate and chatted about things. Jobs and stuff we're looking forward to. He also had a good time dancing and said he won't make me wait another 4 and 1/2 years to go again. So woohoo!
Then we went home. I think we were going to pass out by watching a movie but ended up making out instead. Then there was awesome sex. I remember he was trying to talk to me more afterward but I was so relaxed and drunk that I just passed right out as he was talking. Hopefully he wasn't anything important. :)
So, there was my New Years Eve. I'm sure I left some things out but for the most part, that covers it. :D Definitely not what I had planned on but I usually don't mind when things don't go according to plan anyway. It was a really damn fun night and I'm so happy that I convinced my boss to let me have the night off. It was the most fun I've had in months.
I hope that whatever way you chose to ring in the new year was fun, too. :)
Happy Saturday!! :)
Monday, August 9, 2010
The anti-rape condom...
"This is so brilliant! An anti-rape female condom invented by Sonette Ehlers… A South African women working as a blood technician with the South African Blood Transfusion Service, during which time she met and treated many rape victims.
The device, known as The Rape-aXe, is a latex sheath embedded with shafts of sharp, inward-facing microscopic barbs that would be worn by a woman in her vagina like a tampon. If an attacker were to attempt vaginal rape, their penis would enter the latex sheath and be snagged by the barbs, causing the attacker pain during withdrawal and (ideally) giving the victim time to escape. The condom would remain attached to the attacker’s body when he withdrew and could only be removed surgically, which would alert hospital staff and police. This device could assist in the identification and prosecution of rapists."
I saw this and wanted to post something about it. I'm honestly not sure what I think about this yet and I've been meaning to post about it for a while now to see what others would have to say about it. can think of several pros and cons but I'm having an issue with articulating my complete thoughts on this. Probably because I'm exhausted. So I might come back and edit this once I'm more rested or just make a second post as a continuation.
What do y'all think?
The device, known as The Rape-aXe, is a latex sheath embedded with shafts of sharp, inward-facing microscopic barbs that would be worn by a woman in her vagina like a tampon. If an attacker were to attempt vaginal rape, their penis would enter the latex sheath and be snagged by the barbs, causing the attacker pain during withdrawal and (ideally) giving the victim time to escape. The condom would remain attached to the attacker’s body when he withdrew and could only be removed surgically, which would alert hospital staff and police. This device could assist in the identification and prosecution of rapists."
I saw this and wanted to post something about it. I'm honestly not sure what I think about this yet and I've been meaning to post about it for a while now to see what others would have to say about it. can think of several pros and cons but I'm having an issue with articulating my complete thoughts on this. Probably because I'm exhausted. So I might come back and edit this once I'm more rested or just make a second post as a continuation.
What do y'all think?
Happy Monday!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Life? It happens...
I watched Kick Ass last night. It was good. I don't know that I would watch it again, though, now that I know how it ends. Some movies, while they can be awesome, I don't have interest in seeing them again. Other movies, I don't mind watching them several times or over and over again.
I had a scary situation happen Wednesday night and then another sketchy situation happen Thursday afternoon. The police were involved Wednesday night because I ended up calling them out of necessity. Thursday afternoon, I was going to attempt to help someone but I realized quickly that he didn't need help and didn't have good intentions, either. Thanks to be being so cynical, having a lot of mistrust of people in general and being full of common sense, I avoided something potentially bad happening Thursday. I don't want to go into detail about either incident to be honest but I'm okay. I usually attract strange and weird incidents or people to me. I'm not sure what it is about me but weird, random things often happen to me. Mostly? It's very rarely anything bad. It's normally amusing or just odd but non-threatening. This last week or so? Not so much. This last week or so? I haven't been venturing out of the city we live in. I very rarely spend any time in the city we actually live in because it's not the best area to be. This last week or so has been proving my theory about it being worth the little bit of driving to be in a better area to do things. I don't believe in coincidence so I don't think it's coincidence. Thanks to my being unemployed for so long, we don't live on our own anymore currently and we don't live in the best area, either. The Boyfriend and I plan to move back out to our own apartment, into a different city, as soon as we're financially able to again. Which thankfully should be able to happen in a few months. Which will be lovely. I hate where we're living now and I seriously miss having my own place.
Anyway. :)
I'm working on a post about one night stands and keeping up or not keeping up with the number of sexual partners one has. I'm also working on a post about a type of vaginal surgery I saw about on the news last night. It isn't reconstructing surgery, either. I just didn't feel like finishing either because they both ended up longer than I thought they would. All I'm going to say? I'm not letting anyone operate on my vagina unless it's necessary. I mean life and death or serious illness or health complications kind of necessary.
I know a ridiculous amount of girls that are pregnant right now. I'd say friends but none of them are friends. My boyfriend's little sister, friend's siblings, people I know due to mutual friends, etc. None of them are married or in serious relationships. None of them were planned. And none of them even live on their own or have jobs or the ability to take care of themselves, let alone a child. I'm talking 7 girls that are all 22-28. Most of them hoping people around them are going to help them take care of their babies once they're born; emotionally, financially, etc. CONDOMS AND BIRTH CONTROL PEOPLE. At least condoms if you can't afford birth control and can't get it for free. There are a lot of places you can get free condoms from. And for all the people I know? They can afford protection and just didn't use it. No one likes the way condoms feel but be responsible if you're going to have sex.
I had a scary situation happen Wednesday night and then another sketchy situation happen Thursday afternoon. The police were involved Wednesday night because I ended up calling them out of necessity. Thursday afternoon, I was going to attempt to help someone but I realized quickly that he didn't need help and didn't have good intentions, either. Thanks to be being so cynical, having a lot of mistrust of people in general and being full of common sense, I avoided something potentially bad happening Thursday. I don't want to go into detail about either incident to be honest but I'm okay. I usually attract strange and weird incidents or people to me. I'm not sure what it is about me but weird, random things often happen to me. Mostly? It's very rarely anything bad. It's normally amusing or just odd but non-threatening. This last week or so? Not so much. This last week or so? I haven't been venturing out of the city we live in. I very rarely spend any time in the city we actually live in because it's not the best area to be. This last week or so has been proving my theory about it being worth the little bit of driving to be in a better area to do things. I don't believe in coincidence so I don't think it's coincidence. Thanks to my being unemployed for so long, we don't live on our own anymore currently and we don't live in the best area, either. The Boyfriend and I plan to move back out to our own apartment, into a different city, as soon as we're financially able to again. Which thankfully should be able to happen in a few months. Which will be lovely. I hate where we're living now and I seriously miss having my own place.
Anyway. :)
I'm working on a post about one night stands and keeping up or not keeping up with the number of sexual partners one has. I'm also working on a post about a type of vaginal surgery I saw about on the news last night. It isn't reconstructing surgery, either. I just didn't feel like finishing either because they both ended up longer than I thought they would. All I'm going to say? I'm not letting anyone operate on my vagina unless it's necessary. I mean life and death or serious illness or health complications kind of necessary.
I know a ridiculous amount of girls that are pregnant right now. I'd say friends but none of them are friends. My boyfriend's little sister, friend's siblings, people I know due to mutual friends, etc. None of them are married or in serious relationships. None of them were planned. And none of them even live on their own or have jobs or the ability to take care of themselves, let alone a child. I'm talking 7 girls that are all 22-28. Most of them hoping people around them are going to help them take care of their babies once they're born; emotionally, financially, etc. CONDOMS AND BIRTH CONTROL PEOPLE. At least condoms if you can't afford birth control and can't get it for free. There are a lot of places you can get free condoms from. And for all the people I know? They can afford protection and just didn't use it. No one likes the way condoms feel but be responsible if you're going to have sex.
Happy Friday!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
One night stands: Numbers...
One of my good friends sent me a text message yesterday to ask me a question he had been puzzling over all day. I am going to type this out exactly as the hundred page text message appears on my phone, lol.
"This is going to be several pages long so sorry but at least we both have unlimited text. Now to my point. I had a one night stand with a girl about a month ago. I didn't know her, we agreed to not exchange any contact info because we agreed it was just for the one night. She left at the end of the night and that was that. Then a little more than one month after that night, I ran into her at a bar and we decided to hook up again for one night but again agreed that it was only for the night and again don't exchange any contact info. How do you phrase that? Does it count as a one night stand again even though you've hooked up before? If up until that point I've had 12 one night stands and then after sleeping with her again, is that now 13 one night stands or is it still 12 and I count it as having sex with her twice? Or, since I've slept with her twice, is it no longer a one night stand either time now and now I've only had 11 one night stands instead? I know this seems silly to puzzle over but if a future girlfriend asks me how many one night stands I have had well you know my honesty on the sexual partner subject and I want to be able to give an accurate count. HELP me figure this out please. LOL."
After I read that novel of a text messages, I replied and told him to get a phone that didn't let him type to his heart's content, heh. Then, we discussed this for a little bit but didn't really get anywhere before he had to go to work. So, we're planning on continuing the conversation later on today in an effort on how to best explain this and work the numbers around so he could give an accurate answer and stop pondering about this nonsense.
Now, my whole point in posting this at all is that I want to know what all of YOU think on this. How would you solve this puzzling little phrasing/numbers predicament? If it were you, what would you count it as? Don't be shy, speak up and let us know what you think! Please? :)
"This is going to be several pages long so sorry but at least we both have unlimited text. Now to my point. I had a one night stand with a girl about a month ago. I didn't know her, we agreed to not exchange any contact info because we agreed it was just for the one night. She left at the end of the night and that was that. Then a little more than one month after that night, I ran into her at a bar and we decided to hook up again for one night but again agreed that it was only for the night and again don't exchange any contact info. How do you phrase that? Does it count as a one night stand again even though you've hooked up before? If up until that point I've had 12 one night stands and then after sleeping with her again, is that now 13 one night stands or is it still 12 and I count it as having sex with her twice? Or, since I've slept with her twice, is it no longer a one night stand either time now and now I've only had 11 one night stands instead? I know this seems silly to puzzle over but if a future girlfriend asks me how many one night stands I have had well you know my honesty on the sexual partner subject and I want to be able to give an accurate count. HELP me figure this out please. LOL."
After I read that novel of a text messages, I replied and told him to get a phone that didn't let him type to his heart's content, heh. Then, we discussed this for a little bit but didn't really get anywhere before he had to go to work. So, we're planning on continuing the conversation later on today in an effort on how to best explain this and work the numbers around so he could give an accurate answer and stop pondering about this nonsense.
Now, my whole point in posting this at all is that I want to know what all of YOU think on this. How would you solve this puzzling little phrasing/numbers predicament? If it were you, what would you count it as? Don't be shy, speak up and let us know what you think! Please? :)
Happy Wednesday!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Kinky or not? It's a perspective thing..
I am going to bitch about something today. I don't normally bitch about stuff that goes on around the internet because honestly, I couldn't care less most of the time. I hate drama in real life and online bullshit isn't any different other than it's people I don't really know and all words on a computer screen. I'm not attacking anyone in particular here, just trying to make a point. And the one example I use is from a comment off of a post a friend of mine wrote and someone had something bitchy to say. I already got into it with the person who said it. She knows how I feel, I know how she feels , blah blah blah. That comment, on top of other comments on blogs I like plus other stuff I've seen inspired this post.
I have noticed something over a period of several months that annoys me. When sex bloggers or people involved in kink or bdsm make fun of something that they don't find kinky when someone else does.
Example:
"hahaha omg uh yeah getting ur hands tied w a scarf isnt kinky. at all. why dont u try something actually kinky and then come back and try to talk kink"
Okay, so to someone who's versed in kink, fetishes, BDSM or anything like that; it is nothing.
To someone who's done this before, long ago, and has since advanced on to kinkier, naughtier things; it's is nothing.
To the person saying it? They clearly found it kinky and there's absolutely no reason at all to make fun of them publicly for it. None what so ever. Other than to be a cunty bitch. This goes beyond the one example I gave because there have been more instances than just that one. I don't see the need to list a bunch of examples because you get the idea. Great, you feel superior and you're way beyond finding being bound with a silk scarf kinky. Good for fucking you. That doesn't mean someone just starting out venturing into kinkier things should be made to feel like an idiot newb just because you don't find their kink kinky.
Being bound with a scarf, being gagged by a tie, ice on a private area, on and on with stuff you would probably see in Cosmo magazine teaching people how to up the heat in bedroom with something new? All of it sounds ridiculous and stupid to someone who owns thigh harnesses, spreader bars, nipple clamps that could peel an apple and an assortment of other toys. Guess what? PLENTY OF PEOPLE find those tips helpful.
I think the problem is with the people poking fun at people is that they spend so much time online associating with people who have similar interests that they forget or don't realize the kink world they're living in isn't the same one every one else is in. Just because you know/associate a lot of people that would find being bound with a scarf silly and amateur-ish doesn't mean that someone else (or 1,000 someone else's) isn't going to find it kinky.
I have a friend who recently found out I review sex toys once in a while and she was shocked by it because she's never even owned one let alone a drawer full of them. She's never even been in a toy store or visited a toy store online. Does that mean I should laugh at her and make her feel bad about that? No. Not everyone likes toys. Not everyone is comfortable trying new things like that. Even if new things counts as a simple, discreet vibrator which seems like no big deal to a lot of people out there in sex blogger land.
My point is, by being around it so much and it being such a big part of life for some people, they don't realize (or maybe they do and just don't care) that not everyone is going to be the same way. Not everyone plays with toys, not everyone watches porn, not everyone has gone to a sex convention and been tied up by a professional with rope. It's fine and dandy if that's what you're into and what you want to do. It's fine if kink, fetish, etc is a big part of your life. It's not fine to make fun of other people who are just venturing into trying new things. It's not fine to make fun of people who only want to try simple things and find them kinky.
I see these two words getting thrown around a lot. You know what I mean? Did you guess "sex positivity" as the two words? If you did, you got it right. How is poking fun of someone be it to their face, with flippant rude ass comments you know they'll see or snarky passive-aggressive statements the least bit sex positive? It's not. At all. You can think it's pitiful all you want. You want to laugh and make jokes? Fine, do it to whatever friends you talk to about that stuff. There's no need to be that kind of bitch just because some one's not as advanced as you in their turn-ons, fetishes, etc. Grow up a little.
What makes me really shake my head is that some of the people I see poking fun at people for what they find kinky are some of the ones who claim the most to be so very sex positive. Maybe I have it wrong and if so, leave me alone because I'll continue to think of it this way but, being sex positive shouldn't mean picking and choosing what you're positive about and making people feel bad about the rest. You can think it's silly all day long but really, there's no reason to make fun of someone just because of that.
Comments, anyone?
I have noticed something over a period of several months that annoys me. When sex bloggers or people involved in kink or bdsm make fun of something that they don't find kinky when someone else does.
Example:
"hahaha omg uh yeah getting ur hands tied w a scarf isnt kinky. at all. why dont u try something actually kinky and then come back and try to talk kink"
Okay, so to someone who's versed in kink, fetishes, BDSM or anything like that; it is nothing.
To someone who's done this before, long ago, and has since advanced on to kinkier, naughtier things; it's is nothing.
To the person saying it? They clearly found it kinky and there's absolutely no reason at all to make fun of them publicly for it. None what so ever. Other than to be a cunty bitch. This goes beyond the one example I gave because there have been more instances than just that one. I don't see the need to list a bunch of examples because you get the idea. Great, you feel superior and you're way beyond finding being bound with a silk scarf kinky. Good for fucking you. That doesn't mean someone just starting out venturing into kinkier things should be made to feel like an idiot newb just because you don't find their kink kinky.
Being bound with a scarf, being gagged by a tie, ice on a private area, on and on with stuff you would probably see in Cosmo magazine teaching people how to up the heat in bedroom with something new? All of it sounds ridiculous and stupid to someone who owns thigh harnesses, spreader bars, nipple clamps that could peel an apple and an assortment of other toys. Guess what? PLENTY OF PEOPLE find those tips helpful.
I think the problem is with the people poking fun at people is that they spend so much time online associating with people who have similar interests that they forget or don't realize the kink world they're living in isn't the same one every one else is in. Just because you know/associate a lot of people that would find being bound with a scarf silly and amateur-ish doesn't mean that someone else (or 1,000 someone else's) isn't going to find it kinky.
I have a friend who recently found out I review sex toys once in a while and she was shocked by it because she's never even owned one let alone a drawer full of them. She's never even been in a toy store or visited a toy store online. Does that mean I should laugh at her and make her feel bad about that? No. Not everyone likes toys. Not everyone is comfortable trying new things like that. Even if new things counts as a simple, discreet vibrator which seems like no big deal to a lot of people out there in sex blogger land.
My point is, by being around it so much and it being such a big part of life for some people, they don't realize (or maybe they do and just don't care) that not everyone is going to be the same way. Not everyone plays with toys, not everyone watches porn, not everyone has gone to a sex convention and been tied up by a professional with rope. It's fine and dandy if that's what you're into and what you want to do. It's fine if kink, fetish, etc is a big part of your life. It's not fine to make fun of other people who are just venturing into trying new things. It's not fine to make fun of people who only want to try simple things and find them kinky.
I see these two words getting thrown around a lot. You know what I mean? Did you guess "sex positivity" as the two words? If you did, you got it right. How is poking fun of someone be it to their face, with flippant rude ass comments you know they'll see or snarky passive-aggressive statements the least bit sex positive? It's not. At all. You can think it's pitiful all you want. You want to laugh and make jokes? Fine, do it to whatever friends you talk to about that stuff. There's no need to be that kind of bitch just because some one's not as advanced as you in their turn-ons, fetishes, etc. Grow up a little.
What makes me really shake my head is that some of the people I see poking fun at people for what they find kinky are some of the ones who claim the most to be so very sex positive. Maybe I have it wrong and if so, leave me alone because I'll continue to think of it this way but, being sex positive shouldn't mean picking and choosing what you're positive about and making people feel bad about the rest. You can think it's silly all day long but really, there's no reason to make fun of someone just because of that.
Happy Friday!
Comments, anyone?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Pussies, Vampires, Penguins; OH MY!
Veronica of Another Suburban Mom posted a something wonderful today titled, "Trolls and Internet Rules of the Road" due to a lot of the nastiness that's been going around on a lot of blogs lately. The video featured in her post is awesome, short and features the ever so awesome Phineas and Ferb. Yes, I like Phin and Ferb. My youngest brother was into the show and I used to watch it with him. While I still lived in California anyway. So, I haven't seen Phin and Ferb since around July but I digress. You should definitely go over to her blog and check out the post.
I was reading a blog post yesterday on a livejournal account that baffled me. The post has since been deleted so I can't reference anything from it so I'm just kind of going to go off what I remember. Natalia, my point isn't to piss you off but I just seriously don't get it. Basically, her post was about how disgusting vagina's are because of the "monthly bill that all women have to pay." Um, really? Sure, no one likes having to bleed every month. No one likes the cramps and other cons that come with having a period. Most women just don't dig having to bleed a few days (or more) a month. Sure, that part sucks but the rest of the time, you see nothing good about having a vagina? A vagina brings new life into the world. They stretch like whoa for it to happen and then go back down (mostly, from what I hear since I have no kids thus have no experience) to size. It might not be as tight as it once was after that but seriously, something that can stretch that way and then tighten back up? Awesome. Not to be gross, I also like being able to pee. I drink a lot of liquids through out the day and it feels good to let them back out, too. How awkward would peeing be if you didn't have your vagina? That's what I thought. Also, how do you not get pleasure from your vagina? Be it sex or masturbation, you can thank your vagina for providing those orgasms. You hate your vagina and find it disgusting just because you have to bleed monthly? That's fine if that's how you feel but I seriously just can't understand the logic behind it. I still fucking love mine. Seriously, dude. Thanks for being awesome and wonderful, vagina!
I posted this picture yesterday to my Twitter account but I wanted to post it on here too because it made me chuckle and I want to share. Sorry to all my readers who dig the Twilight series but it's no secret to most that I just don't get into them. I got quite a few comments on the picture once I posted it to Twitter but my favorite one?
number23_rob: Five... FIVE KNUCKLES... AH! HA! HA!
So for people who know me or that have read my blog for a while know that I love love love penguins. No, not the Pittsburgh Penguins (though, I do like a few of the dudes who play for that team. No, Sidney Crosby is NOT one of them.) but real penguins. They're one of my favorite animals and I've been fascinated by them since I was a little kiddo. I have a legion of plush penguins. This one is Mo. (Thanks to the Boyfriend for his assistance in getting this picture, lol.)
Ain't he cute?
I was reading a blog post yesterday on a livejournal account that baffled me. The post has since been deleted so I can't reference anything from it so I'm just kind of going to go off what I remember. Natalia, my point isn't to piss you off but I just seriously don't get it. Basically, her post was about how disgusting vagina's are because of the "monthly bill that all women have to pay." Um, really? Sure, no one likes having to bleed every month. No one likes the cramps and other cons that come with having a period. Most women just don't dig having to bleed a few days (or more) a month. Sure, that part sucks but the rest of the time, you see nothing good about having a vagina? A vagina brings new life into the world. They stretch like whoa for it to happen and then go back down (mostly, from what I hear since I have no kids thus have no experience) to size. It might not be as tight as it once was after that but seriously, something that can stretch that way and then tighten back up? Awesome. Not to be gross, I also like being able to pee. I drink a lot of liquids through out the day and it feels good to let them back out, too. How awkward would peeing be if you didn't have your vagina? That's what I thought. Also, how do you not get pleasure from your vagina? Be it sex or masturbation, you can thank your vagina for providing those orgasms. You hate your vagina and find it disgusting just because you have to bleed monthly? That's fine if that's how you feel but I seriously just can't understand the logic behind it. I still fucking love mine. Seriously, dude. Thanks for being awesome and wonderful, vagina!
I posted this picture yesterday to my Twitter account but I wanted to post it on here too because it made me chuckle and I want to share. Sorry to all my readers who dig the Twilight series but it's no secret to most that I just don't get into them. I got quite a few comments on the picture once I posted it to Twitter but my favorite one?
number23_rob: Five... FIVE KNUCKLES... AH! HA! HA!
So for people who know me or that have read my blog for a while know that I love love love penguins. No, not the Pittsburgh Penguins (though, I do like a few of the dudes who play for that team. No, Sidney Crosby is NOT one of them.) but real penguins. They're one of my favorite animals and I've been fascinated by them since I was a little kiddo. I have a legion of plush penguins. This one is Mo. (Thanks to the Boyfriend for his assistance in getting this picture, lol.)
Ain't he cute?Happy Tuesday!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tell me what you think.
I'm going to do a couple things. Mainly the thing I want y'all to add to in the comments is the second part. I have a list of things that I think are some of the most wonderful things in the world, TO ME. I find the things I listed to be so good that little else, if anything, compares. I didn't list everything but I made it a pretty decent sized list. If you want, add a few things in the comments that you find so wonderful that nothing or very little can compare to it. =)
Happiness > Approval from others. I'd rather be happy and be doing my own thing and have people disappointed in me for it. I live my life for not and I do things the way I want to do them. I'm careful to not put anyone at harm or at risk for anything bad. I'm careful to keep myself out of harms way as much as I can. If the way I live my life is a disappointment to you, too fucking bad. I live my life for me, not anyone else.
Ice cream > Cookies. Ice cream owns all desserts. Well, not all of them but most of them. Well, definitely cookies. And no, adding ice cream to cookies isn't better. I like vanilla with chocolate chip cookie or cookies and cream as well as the next person. However, I prefer my ice cream to not have cookies and I'm not fond of cookie ice cream sandwiches.
Long conversations with friends, in person > Long conversations with friends through IM. Not that there's anything wrong with long instant messaging conversations, I just prefer to talk in person. Sitting on my butt looking at a screen for too long bothers me. I talk in an animated way. I cannot animatedly type into an instant message box and have as much fun as having a real live person in front of me. Given that most of my friends aren't people I know from on-line, it's not really an issue. I do love a good instant messaging chat from time to time though.
Washing dishes > Doing laundry. True story. I hate doing laundry that much. Really, it's the folding and hanging bit I hate. The putting stuff in the washing machine and watching the detergent bubble up like mad is pretty fucking sweet. It's like baby steps chemistry without the risk of blowing something up. Putting stuff in the dryer is easy too. If only cleans clothes would fold and hang on their own. See, technology isn't that fucking advanced yet people.
Little is better than...
A bowl of cereal with ice cold milk.
A long, warm shower after a stressful day.
Kisses on the back of the neck.
Freshly washed sheets warm out of the dryer.
Seeing a favorite band play live.
Being able to laugh about something mid-fuck and being able to keep going.
Red velvet cupcakes.
Getting those hugs from behind where your back is resting against his stomach with his arms wrapped around your waist.
Surprise gifts that are given "just because."
A mug filled with a warm drinks and being wrapped in thick, warm blanket when it's really cold.
Laughter, genuine gut busting laughter.
Spending a lazy, rainy day in bed with your significant other. Not just for sex but just laying there talking, listening to the rain hit the window, watching movies and being goofy hanging out together.
Going to see a live hockey game. (Must say, I went to the Stars/Kings game last night and my seat was down in the lower bowl, center ice, 5 rows away from the fucking glass. AMAZING seats.)
Happy Wednesday!
Happiness > Approval from others. I'd rather be happy and be doing my own thing and have people disappointed in me for it. I live my life for not and I do things the way I want to do them. I'm careful to not put anyone at harm or at risk for anything bad. I'm careful to keep myself out of harms way as much as I can. If the way I live my life is a disappointment to you, too fucking bad. I live my life for me, not anyone else.
Ice cream > Cookies. Ice cream owns all desserts. Well, not all of them but most of them. Well, definitely cookies. And no, adding ice cream to cookies isn't better. I like vanilla with chocolate chip cookie or cookies and cream as well as the next person. However, I prefer my ice cream to not have cookies and I'm not fond of cookie ice cream sandwiches.
Long conversations with friends, in person > Long conversations with friends through IM. Not that there's anything wrong with long instant messaging conversations, I just prefer to talk in person. Sitting on my butt looking at a screen for too long bothers me. I talk in an animated way. I cannot animatedly type into an instant message box and have as much fun as having a real live person in front of me. Given that most of my friends aren't people I know from on-line, it's not really an issue. I do love a good instant messaging chat from time to time though.
Washing dishes > Doing laundry. True story. I hate doing laundry that much. Really, it's the folding and hanging bit I hate. The putting stuff in the washing machine and watching the detergent bubble up like mad is pretty fucking sweet. It's like baby steps chemistry without the risk of blowing something up. Putting stuff in the dryer is easy too. If only cleans clothes would fold and hang on their own. See, technology isn't that fucking advanced yet people.
Little is better than...
A bowl of cereal with ice cold milk.
A long, warm shower after a stressful day.
Kisses on the back of the neck.
Freshly washed sheets warm out of the dryer.
Seeing a favorite band play live.
Being able to laugh about something mid-fuck and being able to keep going.
Red velvet cupcakes.
Getting those hugs from behind where your back is resting against his stomach with his arms wrapped around your waist.
Surprise gifts that are given "just because."
A mug filled with a warm drinks and being wrapped in thick, warm blanket when it's really cold.
Laughter, genuine gut busting laughter.
Spending a lazy, rainy day in bed with your significant other. Not just for sex but just laying there talking, listening to the rain hit the window, watching movies and being goofy hanging out together.
Going to see a live hockey game. (Must say, I went to the Stars/Kings game last night and my seat was down in the lower bowl, center ice, 5 rows away from the fucking glass. AMAZING seats.)
Happy Wednesday!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Like memories of dying days...
Last night was the first meet up between Team USA and Team Canada for the Olympics AND USA WON 5-3! Kessler's empty net goal to close the deal and put USA up by 2 with less than a minute left in the game was amazing. We don't have cable or satellite but luckily, we found a sports bar that was showing the game. And even had the audio for the game on! I'd say a little less than half the bar was watching hockey. There was a poker tournament going on that was getting more attention. I don't care though, I love hockey. And yes, NBC's lame coverage annoys me too. I hate that people say, "No one cares about hockey." Fine, you don't care about it, I don't care. A vast majority of the United States doesn't care about it? fine, I don't care. No one likes hockey? Tell that to the millions of hockey fans all over the US alone that look forward to watching their favorite teams in not just the NHL, but the AHL and other leagues as well. Tell that to the millions of people who buy tickets, get season tickets and look forward to going to see a game played live. Hell, I look forward to just getting to watch a game. I get it though. Hockey isn't wildly popular in America. I live in Texas, seriously, I get that it's not as popular as the NFL, NBA or MLB. I also have a ton of friends and plenty of family members who couldn't care less about hockey, never watch a game, don't understand it, don't care to understand it, etc. Blah blah blah. Just because it's not wildly popular doesn't mean that "no one here likes hockey" because yeah, that's bullshit. Drive down to Victory Avenue in Dallas on a night when the Stars are playing and tell the people who are decked out in jerseys and team t-shirts that they're only fooling themselves because really, deep down, none of them really like hockey. Don't say that "absolutely no one likes XYZ" because no matter what it is, somewhere, there are people who will like and enjoy whatever you're claiming no one likes. (Warning. Something I find gross is about to be said. You may even find it crude, graphic and down right vomit inducing. Don't say I didn't warn you if you end up throwing up in your mouth a little bit. If you wanna skip it, just move down to the next paragraph.) Even if it's fucking someone in the ass, ejaculating inside of them and then using a baby spoon to remove the sperm from said ass only to feed it to the person you came in or eat it yourself. Yes, that's disgusting. I used that as an example because I have a friend who used to do that with an ex-girlfriend. My point is, don't say "no one is into this so...." because no matter what it is, there are people out there who dig it.No one need take that as a personal attack by the way. I'm directing that more at articles and a few obnoxious people. The obnoxious people in question know I'm talking about them because we've had our "discussions" on it already. So, if I didn't discuss this with you already, don't feel like it's aimed at you or anything. Unless you want to, then whatever. =p
The always helpful, wonderful, Osbasso fixed my layout for me. Thanks, Os! The side columns were not wide enough and stuff was cut off because of that. That problem doesn't exist anymore. How does it look? I'm still on the hunt for a template that screams out at me. So you know, if you know any websites for templates for blogger that are free, let me know. =) Please & thank you. The address to my blog along with the name I blog under is probably going to change next week. So, get ready, bwahaha. You'll just have to change your links in your blogrolls, bookmarks, etc though. You'll get automatically redirected if you try to come to this address.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JESSICA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! - While I don't have permission to post the link to Jessica's livejournal, I did have permission to wish her a happy birthday as long as I didn't post the address of her sacred space. ;) Happy 21st Birthday, girlie! Hope you have a good one!
Y'all know I do the Twitter thing. I also do the formspring thing, once in a while. I thought it was goofy. I was super bored one night so I gave it a shot. It was fun. I do it irregularly now. Saturday night, I got some good/interesting questions. So, I'm going to post them here. You can anonymously ask questions & the few I'm posting today were all asked anonymously. Enjoy!
Everyone asks about positives, what about negatives? Thing you won't eat? Place you never want to visit? Person you never care to meet? Sex act you say "no" to? Music you won't listen to? Team you never want to win Stanley Cup?
Oh! I love this one! No clue who asked this but thank you. =)
Mountain Oysters. If you don't know what that is some how, look it up. =)
Russia. I have nothing against it, just not somewhere that I'd want to visit.
That's a long list, lol. Most famous people honestly. Celebrities don't interest me much.
Anything involving shit, piss, vomit or animals.
There isn't much I won't listen to. I can't stand most of the pop crap that comes on the radio though. Lady GaGa, Beyonce, etc. I also really can't stand most rap.
Haha. I wouldn't say I never want a team to win it because those guys all play their asses off and work really damn hard for it. I'd never deny someone an achievement they worked hard to get. I'll admit I wouldn't be happy about the Sharks, Capitals, Flames, Ducks, Devils or Flyers winning it though since those are the 6 teams I dislike most. Though, each of those teams has at least one player on there that I like but that's not enough to make me smile if they won the Stanley Cup. ;)
Is it healthy to be in a relationship when you can't get along with in-laws?
You're not in a relationship with your in-laws. You and the person you're with is the more important relationship. You won't like everyone, you won't get along with everyone and that applies to in-laws and your SO's family in my opinion. Granted, not getting along with your SO's family makes it a bit more difficult if your SO has a decent relationship with their family.
Is there a odor that makes you instantly sick?
Cabbage cooking. The smell makes my stomach churn instantly & blech.
What would the founding fathers think of the USA today, if brought back to life in 2010?
I have no idea. As far as I know, I'm not any of the founding fathers reincarnated so I wouldn't begin to speculate about the disappointment or joy they get from the current progression of things.
WHICH IS BETTER: chicken or beef? apples or oranges? sex or chocolate? hockey or football? massage or lots of kissing? the icing or the cake? starbucks or dutch bros? google or bing? one tree hill or gossip girl? american idol or so u think u can dance?
Chicken. Hands now.
Apples. Don't like oranges.
Sex. I'm not a fan of chocolate.
HOCKEY. Duh.
Massage. Then lots of kissing after.
The cake. Not a big fan of icing.
Starbucks. Dutch Bros. sucks IMO. Not at all sad we don't have them in Texas.
Google.
House.
House.
Happy Monday!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Survey time...
Brought to you by: Amorous Rocker
What's something you just don't understand?
Drama and people's need for it.
What was the last store you went to?
Damn... Kroger (grocery store) probably.
What color is your cell phone?
Light blue. Bleh.
Who is your 7th text message from?
HP.
Are you dating them?
Nooope.
How long have you known them?
6 1/2 years.
Have you ever used an asthma inhaler?
I've used an inhaler but it wasn't for asthma.
Does the last person you kissed have any tattoos?
Yes. =)
If you could have one chore taken care of forever, what would it be?
LAUNDRY.
How often do you have sex?
Not often enough.
Do you have trust problems?
Yeah.
Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes.
Have you ever kissed or had sex with the last person you texted?
Kissed, yes. Sex, never.
What's your relationship between you and the last person you had deep conversation with?
He's one of my closest friends.
When you walk passed a mirror do you stop and look at yourself?
Not usually.
Is there anybody who truly disgusts you?
Oh yeah.
You receive $50 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
As much as I'd like to blow it, I'd probably save it for help on a bill or for some groceries or something like that.
Is there anyone in your family that just annoys the living shit out of you?
Sure. Everyone has a relative or two like that. You can't get along with everyone, even if they are family.
Do you get drunk every weekend?
Contrary to popular belief, no, not at all.
If you woke up naked next to the last person that texted you what would your reaction be?
Oy. I'd be wondering how I go to the state they're in, what the fuck I was doing there, where my clothes went, wondering if I need to slap a bitch or not, etc random crazy thoughts of confusion and minor violence.
What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
"Kitten!" or I'd think of Foghat since he loves cats and sings the "meowmix" song on a regular basis, lol.
Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
Yeah, not in a long time though. With one of my exes, we used to sleep on the couch all the time because it was way more comfy than his futon even though there was less room.
Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk?
Actually, yes. YB does it and it always tripped me out when I saw him doing it.
If you were upset, who is the first female friend you'd go to?
Meh, I don't go to any girl friends when I'm upset. I don't have that many girl friends in the first place and I'm also not close enough with the ones I have to go to them for stuff like that. I don't go to a lot of people when I'm upset. There's a select few that I trust and feel comfortable enough with to let them see me that vulnerable.
Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
Of course. The only people I tone myself down around is family honestly.
Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
Nope.
Who would be a better president; Tommy Lee or Kid Rock?
Fuck, neither. I'd go with Alvin & the motherfucking Chipmunks over either of them.
Who would be a better president; Lindsay Lohan or Courtney Love?
Fuck Courtney Love, not literally either, blech. Meh. Alvin & the motherfucking Chipmunks again me thinks.
Who would you rather have sex with; Tommy Lee or Kid Rock?
Celibacy for the win!
What would you do if flowers had to poop?
A shitting flower? Lol. Weird question. If it's a potted plant, just consider it fertilizer and keep the plant outside I guess. I dunno. I don't like flowers anyway.
Have you ever been negatively criticized about your sexual performance?
Nope.
Do you believe in the Easter Bunny?
No. Apparently, one of my friends caught the Easter Bunny, spiced it up and roasted the poor rabbit. He's long since been devoured and digested. He's grass somewhere now possibly.
Do you have any typically assumed to be disgusting habits?
I'm sure someone would find one/some of my habits to be disgusting but whatever. =)
How is/are your New Years resolution[s] going?
I don't make them. Ever.
Do you enjoy busy mall shopping?
No. I hate shopping even when it's not busy.
Do you live near the ocean?
Not anymore. It was nice all the times I did live near the ocean though. Mmm, beaches.
How often do you shop online?
Rarely.
Have you ever had mononucleosis? Was it as bad as it sounds?
Nope, never had mono. *knocks on wood*
Would you ever date someone of a different ethnicity than you?
I have before.
Would you ever have sex with someone of a different ethnicity than you?
I have before.
When did you last buy new shoes? How many pairs do you own?
I got new shoes for Christmas. I have three pairs of shoes.
Happy Sunday.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Great Read Award!
Amy of Sex, Chocolate and Red Lipstick gave me a blog award. I had intended to do this earlier on in the week but like I said, haven't felt like writing. So, I'm finally getting it done The award calls for a Top Ten List and then passing the award on to whomever you see fit. So, lets go.
For my Top Ten, I'm making a random list put together of my favorite suggestions from the readers and blog friends who made suggestions when I asked. I didn't pick just one idea, I picked 10 out of the 20-something ideas I got offered up to me. In example, some suggestion were "Top 10 Awesome Concerts You've Been To" & "Top 10 Favorite Childhood Toys You Still Love" so I look the themes and made them into one question. I got so many good suggestions, I couldn't decide. This way seemed fun. So woohoo. Thanks y'all. Onward.
1. I Wish I Hadn't.
Paid so little attention in Spanish class. It would be helpful now if I could speak it. In my job searching, I get rather sick of seeing jobs I want to apply for and then seeing they want someone bilingual.
2. One Of The Worst Ways A Guy Has Tried To Pick Me Up.
My boyfriend and I were out at a bar. We had just gotten there and were waiting on friends. Boyfriend headed off to the boys room and I stayed standing around the front, doing something on my phone. I was making a call and a guy came up to me and flipped open his cell phone and stood next to me. When I got off the phone he says to me, "Were you trying to call me or was I trying to call you? Either way we need to exchange numbers so we can call each other sometime." No fucking joke. My boyfriend had been on his way back already and then he waited for the dude to finish his lines before walking around him to get to me. I forgot what I said to the guy but he got the hint (as if my laughing didn't give it away enough already) and went away.
3. Awesome concert.
So hard to pick just one since I've seen SO MANY great ones. I pick Incubus. It can be read about here. They're one of my absolute favorite bands. <3
4. Best Hockey Commercial.
I love the hockey commercials that come on Versus & the NHL channel during hockey season. They're hilarious. My favorite?
5. One Way "The Mood" Was Definitely Killed.
I was with a guy and we had gone to a movie. During the movie, we were fooling around a little here and there. After the movie, we fooled around in his car for a little bit. We decided it would be fun to go to a playground and fool around there. We went and started making out on the slide. He started going down on me and a car drove by and backfired. He thought it was a gunshot, freaked out and bit me so hard I started bleeding. Blood made him nauseous and the taste of blood in his mouth grossed him out so he had to turn away so he could throw up.
6. Actress That Everyone Finds Sexy That Don't Do It For Me.
Angelina Jolie and Jessica Alba. I don't follow celebbullshit news so I couldn't think of anyone other than those two and don't know who is hot right now. Don't care enough to go Google it either actually, lol.. Nothing against their skills and talent as actresses though. Nothing against them as people either since I don't know them. Just saying as far as looks go I don't find either of them appealing.
7. Favorite Childhood Toy That I Still Love.
LEGOS. Those are awesome.
8. Sexual Position I Could Happily Never Do Again.
Bended Knee or Pile Driver. Both are more trouble than they're worth.
9. Best Non-Physical Thing I Love About My Boyfriend.
He is a total sweetheart and does everything he can to make me happy. I could make a top 20 list on this topic but since I'm taking each list idea and keeping it to one thing, I'll go with that one. Actually, I did two things on a few here so I'll pick another. He makes me laugh. =o)
10. Odd Sexual Experience.
I was fooling around with a girl once. She was performing oral on me and then decided it would be fun to blindfold me. I went for it because we had fooled around many times and she was a friend of mine. I didn't think she would do anything to hurt me plus I had my hands free to pull off the blindfold if I got uncomfortable. Which I did after a few minutes because I felt a really odd sensation. I pulled off the blindfold and she was dragging a fork up and down my lips while she licked my clit. It was such a weird feeling. I told her to knock it off and she asked me if I would prefer a spoon or butter knife instead. I told her neither because silverware just didn't rock my socks off.
Now to pass on the Great Read Award! I know, my list was so long I bet some of y'all forgot there was an award given that needs some passing on. I read a lot of really kickass blogs so it's hard to only pick a few to give this to.
Panda Dementia
TUG
Sexie Sadie
Ms Bitchtits
13 Messages
Rage
Saucy Wildcat
Emmy
Barefoot Dreamer
Weekends Off
Mina & Sylvanus
Of course, I won't mind if any or all of those fine people pass on doing a Top Ten List of their own. =o) Also, no surprise I went overboard in picking people to hand off the Great Read award too, lol. ;)
For my Top Ten, I'm making a random list put together of my favorite suggestions from the readers and blog friends who made suggestions when I asked. I didn't pick just one idea, I picked 10 out of the 20-something ideas I got offered up to me. In example, some suggestion were "Top 10 Awesome Concerts You've Been To" & "Top 10 Favorite Childhood Toys You Still Love" so I look the themes and made them into one question. I got so many good suggestions, I couldn't decide. This way seemed fun. So woohoo. Thanks y'all. Onward.My Random Top Ten
1. I Wish I Hadn't.
Paid so little attention in Spanish class. It would be helpful now if I could speak it. In my job searching, I get rather sick of seeing jobs I want to apply for and then seeing they want someone bilingual.
2. One Of The Worst Ways A Guy Has Tried To Pick Me Up.
My boyfriend and I were out at a bar. We had just gotten there and were waiting on friends. Boyfriend headed off to the boys room and I stayed standing around the front, doing something on my phone. I was making a call and a guy came up to me and flipped open his cell phone and stood next to me. When I got off the phone he says to me, "Were you trying to call me or was I trying to call you? Either way we need to exchange numbers so we can call each other sometime." No fucking joke. My boyfriend had been on his way back already and then he waited for the dude to finish his lines before walking around him to get to me. I forgot what I said to the guy but he got the hint (as if my laughing didn't give it away enough already) and went away.
3. Awesome concert.
So hard to pick just one since I've seen SO MANY great ones. I pick Incubus. It can be read about here. They're one of my absolute favorite bands. <3
4. Best Hockey Commercial.
I love the hockey commercials that come on Versus & the NHL channel during hockey season. They're hilarious. My favorite?
5. One Way "The Mood" Was Definitely Killed.
I was with a guy and we had gone to a movie. During the movie, we were fooling around a little here and there. After the movie, we fooled around in his car for a little bit. We decided it would be fun to go to a playground and fool around there. We went and started making out on the slide. He started going down on me and a car drove by and backfired. He thought it was a gunshot, freaked out and bit me so hard I started bleeding. Blood made him nauseous and the taste of blood in his mouth grossed him out so he had to turn away so he could throw up.
6. Actress That Everyone Finds Sexy That Don't Do It For Me.
Angelina Jolie and Jessica Alba. I don't follow celeb
7. Favorite Childhood Toy That I Still Love.
LEGOS. Those are awesome.
8. Sexual Position I Could Happily Never Do Again.
Bended Knee or Pile Driver. Both are more trouble than they're worth.
9. Best Non-Physical Thing I Love About My Boyfriend.
He is a total sweetheart and does everything he can to make me happy. I could make a top 20 list on this topic but since I'm taking each list idea and keeping it to one thing, I'll go with that one. Actually, I did two things on a few here so I'll pick another. He makes me laugh. =o)
10. Odd Sexual Experience.
I was fooling around with a girl once. She was performing oral on me and then decided it would be fun to blindfold me. I went for it because we had fooled around many times and she was a friend of mine. I didn't think she would do anything to hurt me plus I had my hands free to pull off the blindfold if I got uncomfortable. Which I did after a few minutes because I felt a really odd sensation. I pulled off the blindfold and she was dragging a fork up and down my lips while she licked my clit. It was such a weird feeling. I told her to knock it off and she asked me if I would prefer a spoon or butter knife instead. I told her neither because silverware just didn't rock my socks off.
Now to pass on the Great Read Award! I know, my list was so long I bet some of y'all forgot there was an award given that needs some passing on. I read a lot of really kickass blogs so it's hard to only pick a few to give this to.
Panda Dementia
TUG
Sexie Sadie
Ms Bitchtits
13 Messages
Rage
Saucy Wildcat
Emmy
Barefoot Dreamer
Weekends Off
Mina & Sylvanus
Of course, I won't mind if any or all of those fine people pass on doing a Top Ten List of their own. =o) Also, no surprise I went overboard in picking people to hand off the Great Read award too, lol. ;)
Happy Saturday!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
How Important Is Sex....
NOTES: This post is extremely long. It's emotional and parts of it were hard for me to write but in having to re-do the "How Important Is Sex to mark the beginning of that post. HNT is at the bottom. I would really appreciate if y'all didn't skip the meat of the post though as I put a lot into it.In March of 2005, when my boyfriend was 19, he had a stroke. I didn't know him when it happened.He had gone to school to be an auto mechanic and already had a job working for an auto repair business. He loves cars and he was thrilled he could make a living doing something he loved. After the stroke, he couldn't work on cars any longer due to some medical issues he was left with as a result of the stroke. I met him shortly after. He was dealing with not being able to pursue the career he had wanted and been excited for. He was disappointed and sad. He was also confused about why a healthy 19 year old boy had a stroke in the first place. He saw doctors, he saw neurologists and they all did every test imaginable and not a single thing hinted at why a healthy 19 year old boy had a stroke. His neurologists wrote papers on him and used his case as an example of medical mysteries in a class he taught. He was lucky though, he was still walking and still alive. It could have been worse. He had to go on a couple medications and he did lose his peripheal vision and had a couple other issues. Other than that, he did well. Still, it was frustrating having doctors and specialists run countless tests on you only to find nothing wrong with you.
I met him in April of 2005, one month and two days after the stroke. He was tall, broad shoulders, full lips, had longish dark hair that curled and twisted at the ends and he resembled a young Bam Margera. I thought he was damn hot. He also had a 1986 red IROC Camaro which I thought to be pretty badass. We talked and we hit it off. The first night we met, we spent 9 hours talking and trying to find things we didn't have in common. I was hanging out with a guy friend that night but ended up giving all my attention to the 6'8" giant that I had so much in common with. Then, in early June of 2005 I decided to move to California, where my dad was living and had been living for a while. I had only known Boyfriend for 6 weeks but I felt like there was something special about him. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other in that time and I felt like I knew him better than I knew some of my friends. That wasn't enough at that point to keep me from moving to the west coast though. I kept in contact with Boyfriend and we got to the point where we were talking several times a day. Texting through out the day, talking for hours on the phone at night, chatting online when I couldn't be on the phone. In November of 2005, we were making fun of shirts on a website and I was joking about one that would be good for him. He made a smart ass remark that went along the lines of, "Well that means I'm in love with a..." and I just smartly replied back with a stunning, "huh?" Then he told me he was in love me with me. He was worried I'd think he was nuts because I hadn't known him long before moving. I asked if he was sure of that and he said he was. I didn't feel the same way but I liked him so much and cared a lot about him. I told him that and he asked if I would move back to Texas. I wasn't happy there. I was an assistant manager and working the night shift.
Then, in early 2006, I was closing up at work one night where I was an assistant manager. There was a female crew leader there and a male employee closing. I told her to take off because she was just standing there texting. I was doing a deposit and had to enter the information in and finish up. I had Jeremy there and she wasn't any help at all anyway. She finished texting, clocked out and left. Five minutes later, a huge 25 pound rock came crashing through the glass side door that I had locked up tight. If people want in, locks aren't an issue. A group of guys dressed completely in black from their ski masks down to their shoes came running in through the door and crunching over the broken glass. They were screaming and I didn't even realize two of them had guns and that I was about to be in an armed robbery until they were behind me, screaming at me to open the safe and give them the money. One of them stayed to the side waving his gun, screaming that if I didn't hurry that he'd kill me. Screaming out bitch, whore, you're going to die and tons of other shit. The one directly behind me had a gun aimed at my head. The guy next to him was yelling at me to hurry up as well. Two others had watch over Jeremy who was laying on the floor in the back with a gun aimed at him. Then the guy kneeling on the floor next to me, filling up the bag with the cash was trying to calm me down. He spoke to me nicely, calmly and told me to relax and just give them the money and they wouldn't hurt me. We had two safes. I had the top one open because I had been putting the cash drawers in when they came crashing through the doors. The bottom safe had documents and a cash box that had $100 in it. I was freaking out, scared out of my mind and I messed up the code to open the bottom safe. I tried a second time. The guy behind me pushed the gun hard into my head and told me not to fuck up again. I did. I had a third and last time to get it open and I couldn't do it. I was so scared I kept messing up the order of the numbers in the code. The guy knelt with me on the ground asked me how much was in there, I told him only $100 and nothing more. He told me to lay down, not look at them and stood up. They ripped the phone off the desk and out of the wall and dropped it down on me. The crazy one to the side that had been cussing, screaming and waving his gun at me started screaming about my cell phone. One of them leaned down and checked my pockets and he told them I didn't have a phone on me. They glanced at the desk looking for it but it was hidden under a jacket I had sitting on a file cabinet. The calm one told them to forget it. The one that had been behind me with the gun told me to stay on the ground or he would shoot me if he saw me get up. I stayed laying on the ground, shaking and crying, absolutely terrified to move for ten minutes. It was so deathly quiet and I slowly got to my hands and knees and crawled along the ground to see if Jeremy was okay. He was laying face down on the floor with his hands behind his head. He looked up and saw me, stood up and asked if I was okay. He was totally and completely calm. Not shaken at all despite what had just happened. He pulled out his cell phone and called the police. I called my dad, who was also the supervisor/owner of the job I was working at the time. LS answered his cell phone and heard me, obviously shaken and crying, and ran the phone back to my dad to wake him up. I told him I got robbed at gun point and I told him Jeremy had already called the police. He told me to calm down and he would be there quickly. We only lived a few minutes away. On the way, he called our GM and woke him up to get him up there as well. My mom had came home in time to catch my dad going groggily out the door. He explained quickly and she decided she was going with him. I was afraid to be in front of the windows because I wasn't thinking clearly and thought for some reason the robbers might come back by. In a rational state of mind, I'd never think such a think but I was 20 and hugging the ground thankful they didn't deliver on their threats to shoot me. I did stand up finally and look out the windows. When I did, I yelped because I saw someone in all black clothes standing outside looking in. Jeremy grabbed me and told me it was just a cop. We looked around and the police were outside walking around. My parents got there shortly after the police did and I went to them and started crying all over again, trying to tell them what happened. I calmed down, got questioned by the cop. He was convinced it was an inside job and convinced I had had something to do with it. The cop that had gotten Jer's side of the story came over to talk to me and send the dickhead over to talk to Jeremy. He had apologized to me for the dick playing "bad cop" and said that he thought I was too shook up and too scared to be part of this. I told him my story. I told a third cop my story. They left me alone and I sat there waiting. Jer and mine had matching stories. I told Boyfriend about what had happened later and he was angry and wanted to come out to California and hurt people, lol. I took 6 days off work but I had to go back on the 7th. Not because they made me but because after several days of playing it all over in my head, I realized the cop had been right in saying it was an inside job. I realized who several of the masked robbers were too since I worked with them. The 3 guys I knew had been part of the robbers were working that Sunday as well as the dumb bitch crew leader who had cued them in after I sent her off that night. I wasn't ready to be back there but I wasn't going to let them win. I remember going to work that day and they were the only 4 who wouldn't look at me. The only 4 who wouldn't meet my eyes if they said something to me despite the fact that before hand, they were always very social and chatty with me. I chatted with all of them and asked them all why they wouldn't look at me. They all glanced at me slightly and then looked away, paying attention to work and giving me some bullshit and cracking a joke. For days after, those same 4 continued to avoid looking at me and avoid having to talk to me. They also worked damn well on my shift because they didn't want to have me bitching at them. I didn't close again after that night though. I went to mornings and became the opening manager. I got to work just before sunrise to open and I spent a lot of mornings, checking the doors and checking the mirrors. Having panic attacks when something popped when it shouldn't, when something metal fell off a shelf and fell noisily onto the tile floors in the back. Feeling anxiety when I saw the shadows of the homeless walking out of the darkness because all I could see in my head was dark silhouettes coming out and I didn't trust a single straggler out there not to be up to something. I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid of being outside by myself at dark. I had nightmares almost every night. I tried to fight against everything I was feeling and in that, I became so angry with myself. Angry because I had let a group of assholes have power over me and turn me into someone that jumped at shadows and strange noises. I became obsessed with checking the doors and windows at home. Making sure they were locked, making sure no one was outside trying to find their way in. The slightest noise would wake me up and I'd have to get up and creep around, making sure everything was okay. I could have seen a therapist and I wouldn't have had to pay for it nor would my family. I could have gotten therapy free to me but I couldn't go. I wouldn't go though part of me wanted to. I didn't see it as getting help. I saw it as being even more weak than I already felt like I was. I talked to Boyfriend instead. A lot. I told him about the nightmares, the panic attacks, the anxiety, the paranoia and how I was angry at myself. We talked about things a lot. He tried to encourage me to seek therapy but I wasn't having it. I was determined to work through it on my own. If I hadn't had him to talk to, I don't know what would have happened. I didn't even tell most of my friends about it and I didn't want to tell my family about all the thoughts and issues I was having. I was lucky to have him and he helped a lot. I got to where I wasn't scared to be at work though I was still far more alert than I had ever been before. I was still more suspicious of everyone than I had ever been before.
In June of 2006, I moved back to Texas with my mom and two youngest siblings. The night we pulled back into Dallas, boyfriend met us at IHOP. I hugged and kissed him in that parking lot and he smelled so good and felt so warm. I missed him and as we stood there kissing and giggling about how I wasn't allowed to move off anymore, I knew I was in love with him. I left with him that night and spent the night with him.
I spent a lot of time with him. He helped me more through things. I still had to obsessively check locks, doors, windows and outside surroundings. I used to love being alone but at that point, I would go anywhere even when I didn't want to go as long as I wouldn't have to stay home alone. When we went out, I wanted to sit in places where I could see the doors and see who was coming through them. I had half a dozen or more other little things that had to be this way or that way and I probably would have driven most people nuts. He has dogs and when they would start barking for longer than a few seconds, I had to check and see what was going on. I didn't feel safe, I realized. I couldn't hear unfamiliar noises and not have my pulse speed up. One day, a friend of his that I had met and liked let himself in the house. I was in the bedroom in the back and I hadn't heard him come in. He decided it would be funny to scare/surprise me by sneaking up on me. He scared the hell out of me and I had a panic attack and almost took his head off in the process. He thought I was nuts and overreacting. My boyfriend explained to him in very short form why I had reacted that way, why I was still jumpy and anxious. He felt bad and apologized.
Jeremy had kept in contact with me up until Fall of 2006 via email and MySpace. I asked him one day if he felt the need to make sure I was okay was to ease his guilty conscious. I told him I knew he knew it was going to happen, which is why he was so calm and why they didn't pay much attention to him at all. He apologized to me and said he just needed to know I was okay and that I would continue to be fine. He didn't want to do it the way it went down, he said he felt weapons would be too much and threatening to kill me was too much. The others thought if I didn't fear for my life, I wouldn't cooperate given that I am such an outspoken, strong person. I might be outspoken, strong and have some stubborn pride but I'm also smart and wouldn't have given a group of guys any issues even without the weapons. It wouldn't be worth any harm they could do and I told him as much. He apologized a lot over the next month and I finally told him I was fine and to just leave me alone, to never contact me again for anything. He said he wasn't ready for that and that he still needed to check up on to make sure I stayed fine, to make him feel better about what they did. I didn't care about his guilt and doubted I could fix it. So I began to ignore him and eventually, he left me alone.
My boyfriend had to deal with my panic attacks, my anxiety, my freaking out over every little thing, the nightmares I had from time to time and the anger I felt towards myself. I finally told two of my friends what I was going through and I talked a little to them. My boyfriend was still the most help to me. I started drinking more than I already did. I wasn't an obsessive freak when I was drunk. So, I drank and I drank a lot. My boyfriend was patient with me most of the time and less patient with me the rest of the time. In my anger, I had gotten depressed and I began wishing that they had just shot me so I didn't have to exist anymore. I felt weak and felt like I was the only person to blame for my weakness. I felt dysfunctional and felt like I was a waste of skin, energy and life. I contemplated a little but I didn't want to die. So, I drank and I drank some more and once in a while, I popped pills while I drank.
I tried not to spend a lot of time at home with my family. I knew I was a mess and I didn't want them to see me that way. My mom knew I wasn't entirely me but she didn't know to what extent. A friend of mine contacted her and told her things I had confided in him. Something like an intervention happened with my boyfriend and my family. My mom was worried about my drinking and my well being. My boyfriend was worried about me. My siblings were worried about me. I got angry some more. Not at them though. Angry that I had let myself try to wash it all away with booze and not face the issues. My mom asked a lot of hard questions about my well being and where I was at mentally. The idea of therapy came up again and I wouldn't do it, again. I didn't want therapy.
My boyfriend was there for me while I tried to drink much less. I could drink this big bottle of rum by myself in one night over several hours and not have a hangover the next day. I wouldn't get sick that night. I wouldn't be black out falling down drunk. I would be drunk as fucking hell but I wouldn't be ill or hurting afterward. I had been drinking too much and I did need to cut way back.
A lot of work on my part and support on his (and some others as well) later and I was a mentally and emotionally healthier person. I'm still more wary and suspicious of people than most others are but I'll probably always be that way. I was always rather alert and aware of my surroundings but now I pay almost constant attention to what's going on around me and don't allow myself to get distracted. I always check to make sure everything is locked but I don't have to obsessively do it several times through out the day and night.
In February of 2008, my boyfriend had a second stroke. We had been laying in bed. I got up to go smoke a cigarette and he was working on getting up to do the same. I was waiting for him to get up and he started trying to get up, he couldn't move and when he did move up a little off the bed, he fell to the floor. I tried to help him up and asked him if he was okay. He was slurring and not making any sense. I got him up and was asking him what was wrong. He couldn't talk, he kept insisting he would be okay and he fell over again. I ran into the front room and got his mom. She came to the back of the house and checked on him. I said I was going to call 911. He tried to tell me he didn't need help, that he was fine. He kept trying to talk and I wasn't understanding him. He was confused and didn't understand when I tried telling him things. His mother called 911 and told them he was having a stroke and we needed an ambulance. I kept trying to talk to him, he tried pushing me away telling me he was fine. He tried to stand but couldn't move. He kept falling over and had trouble staying balanced enough to sit up straight on his bed. I was terrified he was going to die.
Paramedics arrived. He's 6'8" and not a skinny guy. He's not fat but he's a big guy. They had trouble getting him arranged because they were all barely taller than I am. He was still dazed and uncoordinated but they got him out and got him into the ambulance. One paramedic talked to his mom and she informed them of the medications he was on and a quick medical history including his last stroke. They had me ride in the ambulance with him so I could tell them what happened and so I could answer questions for him if I had to. I only had to answer a few questions and then he was able to talk well enough to talk to them. He didn't remember exactly what was going on though. I called my mom and told her what was going on. Her house was two hours away but her, LS, YB and my cousin (her sister and her family lived in the house next door to my mom's) ended up coming up there anyway and stayed for many hours while we waited to see if he would be okay or not. He had some friends who came to visit him as well.
He was in the hospital for quite a few days after that stroke. They, again, did tons of tests from A to Z and still couldn't find out what was wrong or what had caused him to have another stroke. He saw his neurologist again (he has to see him every few months to do blood work and make sure his medication dosage doesn't need to change) and nothing there either. No one can figure out why my pretty much healthy boyfriend has had two strokes.
This most recent stroke did mess a bit more up. In the hospital, he had friends that came to visit. He had no feeling in most of his left side. Chevelle needed to test the theory and decided to inflict pain on Boyfriend's left thigh. It didn't matter how hard he hit or what he did, Boyfriend didn't feel it. He would feel a faint pressure but nothing else. He would try to hold my hand with his left hand and then get upset, he could perform the function but couldn't feel my hand in his. He got out of the hospital and had to work on things. His doctors and neurologist told him he might be able to regain feeling in his left side but not to count on it. He had a medication he had to get shot with in the stomach. It bruised him horribly and I had to give the shots to him. I didn't mind giving the shots because he needed them and that kind of thing doesn't bother me. I hated seeing the bruises. I hated seeing him upset and frustrated with himself too. He didn't have a lot of control over his left arm and hand. He wouldn't use it at first. Then his neurologist told him he had to work it and had to use it to try and make it functional again. He had trouble doing things as simple as pouring a pitcher of water because he couldn't feel what he was doing, couldn't feel if he had a good grip on it, couldn't feel if he was lifting it or not. He had a little ball to work in his hand to do hand exercises with. He used it and hoped he would be able to feel again on his left side.
Currently, that hasn't changed much. His left leg and thigh are extremely sensitive to heat and cold. If I touch his leg or thigh with chilly hands, he jumps away because it's painful to him, like being stabbed in several places. Same goes for his arm. He did get some strength back in his left arm and he did practice things enough to get used to doing them again. He just has to be careful and pay more attention to what he's doing because he doesn't and won't ever have full use and normal feeling of his left parts again. There are other issues he has from that but I won't go into those.
I know this post is long enough as it is but all of this brings me to the point of sharing all this background. I've left out a lot of hard, trying things we've been through together because these are the biggest issues we've had to get each other through.
This is where I finally get to the "How Important Is Sex A rather delicate result from Boyfriend's second stroke was that his ability to perform in bed was hindered. He has problems down south that he can't control and it results in us having sex quite a bit less than we used to. Now granted, we used to have sex every day no matter what and twice a day when time permitted and sometimes even three times a day. I like to fuck, a lot. No, we have sex when we can and sometimes that's once a week. I do play with toys, let him use toys on me and we fool around without sex for intimacy and orgasms. Masturbation, finger fucking, oral sex and toy fucking is fun and gets me off but it's not as good as fucking. It's not as close, not as intimate, not as raw and just not as good as the real thing. Having skin to skin contact, being as physically close and connected as you can be. Certain pills he could take that might work would clash with his medications that he has to take every day for the rest of his life to keep him alive and going. Life is more important than fucking. So, I get frustrated at times even though I try not to. It isn't his fault and there's nothing we can do about it for the time being. I enjoy it when we can fuck and when we can't, well that's when the other stuff comes into play. This likely won't ever change either. Which is hard for me because I'll admit, I'm a slut and I might have a slight addiction to sex. I love sex and get physically frustrated, cranky, annoyed and even at times out right bitchy when I'm not getting a regular release. Since losing my virginity, I've never gone very long without getting sex regularly with guys and girls.
May 25th of this year was our 3 year anniversary of actually being together in a serious relationship. If you had told me four years ago when I first met him that I would enter into a relationship where I would only be able to have sex a few times a month, I wouldn't have been in that relationship. If you had told me three years and three months ago that this would happen, I would have probably stayed friends longer with Boyfriend instead of crossing that line with him. Sex was a huge part of my relationships then and not getting it more than a couple times a month would seem insanely unappealing to me.
Thankfully, I've grown up since then. Ask me now. How important is sex to me? Sure, it's important. Sure, it's great wonderful fun and I love it and crave it on a
The person that had originally offered to do this post with me backed out after it had been done. One question she asked me that I still want to use is, have I ever considered cheating on my boyfriend to get what I'm no longer getting from him?
I thought about that. I thought openly and honestly. I would never cheat. I have never cheated. I don't think it's right. I think if you're going to cheat, you might need to reevaluate the relationship you're in. I can confidently and 100% honestly say that I wouldn't cheat on him just because we aren't having sex as often.
Our relationship started off from mutual attraction, common interests and sexual tension. I wanted to fuck him silly shortly after meeting him but I didn't. I thought he wasn't interested in me but that's another story for another day. We've gone through so much in three years together. He's helped me overcome so many hurdles and has helped me calm down and mature a little bit. We've changed each other in ways that we didn't realize until afterward. We've gone through some storms and will probably go through more. We've so far survived and made it through everything I mentioned and everything that I didn't mention as well. We've been tempted and tested. We always come out on top. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life. When you look at all we've been through, all we share, the loyalty, the honesty, the laughs, the lust, the desire, the support, every good thing and every bad thing... sex isn't much in comparison to the love, loyalty, respect, encouragement, intimacy and support that he gives me.
If you and your current significant other found yourself in the position where you could only have sex two or three times a month, sometimes a time or two more and sometimes a time or two less; how big of a deal would it be to you?
Happy Thursday!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)