Saturday Secrets #9

Saturday Secrets #9

Secret #1: I’m in love with my best friends boyfriend.

Secret #2: I post pictures of his cock on the internet even though he's asked me not to. I freak out when he uses my desktop because I fear he'll look through the history and see what I'm doing. It's such a magnificent cock though! It NEEDS to be seen.

Secret #3: I hate all the attention you get just because you're sick. I wish you would get over your depression so people would stop feeling so bad for you and showering you with attention, affection and gifts.

Secret #4: When I see people on Twitter flirting with so many different people, it makes me roll my eyes. I feel bad for them for needing so much attention and validation that they'll flirt and act coy with people on the internet that they're not even attracted to in some cases just for the attention. It's pitiful.

Secret #5: I want you to stop doing drugs. I wish you wanted to stop. It hurts to see you so fucked up all the time. I just want you to be healthy and happy. I know you're not..... :(

Secret #6: Most girls want to be that girl in the Fairy Tale Romance movie. I always thought it would be cooler to be the girl a guy wrote an awesome love song about.

Secret #7: I masturbate to the Disney movies Cinderella and The Little Mermaid. I did once to Beauty and the Beast with Belle but it's not as good as Cinderella or Ariel.

Secret #8: I made out with him but all I could think about was you. I miss you.

Secret #9: I think about you all of the time. It makes me want to cry knowing you never think about me.

Secret #10: Sometimes, when we're having sex, I fantasize about fucking Elton John. I know he's gay but I would hit that all night long.

Secret #11: Two packages of Ex Lax, cupcake mix and chocolate frosting. I hope you didn't share those special cupcakes with anyone, you selfish bastard because you're the only one who deserved some gentle relief. That's for cheating on me. I hope you had her over when it hit you and you had to shit your guts out. I take it back, I hope you shared the special cupcakes with at least her. Fuck you both.

Secret #12: I want to have a threesome with Brandon Boyd and Jared Leto. By the way.... If that happened it would be a MMM threesome.

Secret #13: I'm lesbian and I have a massive crush on my older brothers girlfriend. She told me she is bisexual and that she is allowed to fool around with girls. She wants to fool around with me but I'd feel awkward knowing she would fool around with me and then go fool around with my older brother. Or vice versa.

Secret #14: I sometimes think of all the vicious and mean things I'd like to say to you but I always keep them in my head only. Sometimes I want to say mean things just to hurt you to get back at you for some of the times you've hurt me. I could rip you to shreds with words but I hold my tongue well.

Secret #15: I want to be the meat in a Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles sandwich.


I need some secrets for my Saturday posts. :D If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets posts. ;)

Happy Saturday!

Saturday Secrets #8

Saturday Secrets #8

Secret #1: I feel like a complete loser because I'm terminally single, I judge my life totally on if I'm with a woman or not, nothing else matters that much to me to be honest. waking up in the morning with someone there makes life worth living, I need that contact so much without it life is shit.

Secret #2: Every time I hear that song, I punch something because it reminds me of you and I'm still angry with you for what you did. Then I punch something again because I'm angry with me for letting you have that kind of power and control over me still.

Secret #3: I'm happy you're a "grower" and not a "shower" because honey if it didn't get any bigger than that, I'd need a new fuck buddy.

Secret #4: Sometimes, I wear my wife's lacy thong panties instead of my boxer briefs. It makes me feel dirty and sexy. She doesn't know and the idea of her catching me is thrilling and scary. What a sexy little rush I get!

Secret #5: I found all of my old Backstreet Boys CD's from when I was a kid in a box hidden away in the back of my closet while cleaning. I rescued them from their box and am totally jamming them on a regular basis again.

Secret #6: I slept with your wife. The morning of the wedding. In your bed. That's for fucking my college girlfriend behind my back for 6 months. Another FYI? She did it to get back at you for getting rid of her cat. She knows Snuggles didn't run away.

Secret #7: I got really, really high once and was having a few beers and thought putting a pet hamster in the microwave to cook it was a good idea. Luckily after about 10 seconds I realized it was a bad idea. I still kind of wonder what would have happened if I had let it go the full 15 minutes I had it set for.

Secret #8: It's so cliche but I fell in love with my best female friend. I tried to tell her one night and she told me to stop, she didn't feel that way and didn't want to hear me say the words. I was crushed. And yet she keeps dating assholes who just use her for sex for a few weeks and then move on.

Secret #9: Red lipstick is such a turn on for me.

Secret #10: If I ever got the chance, I'd fuck you in a heartbeat. I know I shouldn't because you're married but I would. I'd do it while your wife was downstairs cooking dinner and then sneak out via the balcony from your bedroom.

Secret #11: I killed your goldfish.

Secret #12: I am now in my 30's. I've had one sexual partner and two "girlfriends" in my life (and both cheated on me). The first when I was 16 lasted for 2 weeks, before she brought some other guy she was seeing over and wanted to have a "kissing contest" (effectively ending my affection for her). The second was when I was 18 and she was 15. Probably should have known better, but it was long distance, and a friend of mine introduced me to her. It lasted for 4 months before she told me on her birthday that she was seeing another guy and it wouldn't leave room for us. My one and only voyage into sex happened last year after I turned 30.

People don't know exactly how alone I feel most of the time, especially after seeing most of my friends disappear into relationships and suddenly run out of time for anyone else.

It's hard for me to meet girls and keep myself out of the retarded area known as the "friend zone". I'm a nice guy, ladies. . . Get over it and yourselves. Just because a guy is aloof and rude-ish, doesn't mean he's going to make a good man for you, and just because I'm nice, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be able to do anything that jerk can do for you.

Tired of men and women elevating the stupid parts of life above the important ones. Sadly, it will probably never change.


Secret #13: I ate the last of your cereal. I don't know how you eat Grape Nuts, that shit is NASTY. I did get satisfaction out of knowing that when you woke up, you'd get no Grape Nuts.


I NEED SOME SECRETS for my Saturday posts. :D If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)

Happy Saturday!

Comments, anyone?

Saturday Secrets #7

Saturday Secrets #7

If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)

Secret #1: When we have sex, I fantasize about Major League Baseball players I want to fuck most of the time.

Secret #2: I'm not really a lesbian. I say I am because I don't have enough self-confidence to get to know hot guys any other way.

Secret #3: My friend's dad is a doctor and we found out how to make a cast and made a crappy make shift one. I didn't break my arm. I just wanted a cast to see how many people would want to sign it and to see how many people would be concerned.

Secret #4: I turned my phone off for 7 days and didn't use any of my social networking websites. No one noticed. I hate my life.

Secret #5: I'm happily married but at times I find myself bored and calling dating phone lines just to find someone to talk to. It takes a while to weed through all the guys wanting phone sex or a hook up but I always find some other lonely soul who just wants to chat with another person.

Secret #6: I only wanted to date you because you looked like Joey on Friends. Thank you for turning me down because you're such an asshole I wouldn't have ever had a good time with you.

Secret #7: Some times, I go for 4 or 5 days without blogging or tweeting just to see if anyone online misses me.

Secret #8: I lied and told you I had to go out of town for business the weekend of your wedding. Truth was, I knew I couldn't watch you marry her without crying and causing a scene.

Secret #9: I miss you. I'm sorry I cheated. I wish you would forgive me so we could work things out. :(

Happy Saturday!

Comments, anyone?

Saturday Secrets #6

One of today's secrets is mine. I won't tell you which one but it is definitely not #8. I almost obsessively do the thing they don't do, lol. It's not #2 or #11 either because that's just pathetic. It's also not #1 because the Discovery channel rocks! I haven't seen it in a year, though. Last time I lived somewhere and had cable was early July. Bummer because I hate most of what comes on regular TV. Thank goodness there's music. :D Anyway, I'll stop narrowing it down now.

The rest of the secrets are from awesome people who were kind enough to submit them to me. If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)

Saturday Secrets #6

Secret #1: I pretend to enjoy it but secretly I hate the discovery channel and all of those shows she watches. I only pretend to enjoy them because watching them with her makes her happy and her being happy is more important than whether I enjoy a boring show or not.

Secret #2: Good thing I'm an impeccable liar. I'd never have any interesting stories to tell otherwise.

Secret #3: I secretly want to see my wife as the center of attention for many well hung men. After receiving her fill and cum was oozing from all of her orifices, down her face and pooling on her bare skin, I would worship her body as I always do. I would kiss her all over, enjoying the texture of her soft skin, savoring the taste of her sweat mixed with the evidence of her ability to give pleasure. I would embrace her as I slid into her soaked gaping holes, tasting the salt on her tongue as we shared a deep intimate kiss.

I don't want this as a means to degrade or objectify her. I would want her to be in control and to do it simply because she loves and cannot get enough cock.


Secret #4: I still have the "movie" that we made together and sometimes masturbate while watching it.

Secret #5: My father is white and I'm half white but I'm closer with my black mother and her side of the family and also the majority of my friends are black as well. When I hear racist jokes against white people, I always laugh. I feel ashamed for finding them funny because it's part of who I am and I love my father but some of them are so funny.

Secret #6: The complete lack of accountability among people is disgusting. Everyone wants to BLAME BLAME BLAME someone else but NEVER stop and point their fingers toward their own actions.

Secret #7: I'm much more unhappy than I let on. I don't fake anything, I just don't show everything. People have noticed that I'm less like myself lately but I've held back a lot so that no one knows how truly bad I've gotten.

Secret #8: I almost never remember to wash my hands after I pee at home but I never forget when I'm out somewhere.

Secret #9: I think you could do much better than him.

Secret #10: I cried 6 different times yesterday. I'm crying too much lately and it scares me how upset and sad I've been lately. I don't want to slip back into depression but I'm unsure what to do to prevent it.

Secret #11: Half the "real life" stuff I post on my blog is greatly embellished or not even real. I do it for the attention. I get so many comments and I love the sympathy people so freely dole out. I want the attention and I get satisfaction out of crafting my stories in a way that make people react so emotionally. I secretly feel superior to all the people kissing my little white ass too!

Secret #12: When I'm uncomfortable, I fart a lot. Thankfully they're usually quiet!

Secret #13: I laugh at his funny stories but I usually think he's just lying to try and impress me.

Secret #14: I HATE YOUR BEARD! MOTHERFUCKING SHAVE ALREADY! THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T PERFORM ORAL SEX ON ME! I HATE YOUR BEARD! SHAVE SHAVE SHAVE! Please?

Secret #15: When an ugly guy approaches me, I fake not being able to speak English to avoid having them flirt with me.

Happy Saturday!

Comments, please?

Saturday Secrets #4

Saturday Secrets #4

If you want to submit something, email it to me (amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com) or leave your secret anonymously in the comments. I have moderation on so I can copy your secret to be posted and the comment will never show up. None of these are my secrets because well, I don't have anything I want to fess up to this week, lol. I did get a lot of people that submitted plenty for me to use today, though. Thanks to everyone that submitted a secret to be posted here today!

Secret #1: My step-father masturbates in his office late at night. I can see into his office from the backyard and I like to creep out there and watch him jerk off.

Secret #2: I cry myself to sleep every night. Not because I miss you. Because I miss the person I used to be before I changed for you. I'm not sure how to get her back.

Secret #3: I haven't cut in 2 years. I want to lately.

Secret #4: I LOVE TWILIGHT. I WON'T EVER ADMIT THIS TO ANYONE. EXCEPT EVERYONE READING THIS BUT NONE OF YOU KNOW WHO I AM! YAY TWILIGHT!!!

Secret #5: I steal one pair of clean panties from every girl I sleep with and have done so since I lost my virginity. I keep them in a box in the back of my closet and have 26 pairs of panties to date in there. My goal is 50 pairs and I only take one pair from each girl I sleep with. I feel smug when I look at that box not because it represents sex but because I take nice pairs and know those girls must have been annoyed wondering how they "lost" a pair of panties.

Secret #6: I feel semi sorry for all the sex bloggers who feel like they're special and important just because they have a lot of people following their blogs. Tons of those people only come for the smut so good for you for supplying people with a spank bank and then feeling superior about it. You're not famous just because you are well known in your little corner of the internet. Get a fucking life in the real world and stop spending so much time "living" online!!!

Secret #7: I love to masturbate but I have never had an orgasm from masturbating.

Secret #8: I love Lady GaGa but I won't ever admit it to anyone that asks.

Secret #9: I think you're a horrible human being but I can't stop watching you as you self destruct and spiral out of control. You are the definition of a train wreck and I cannot look away and I pity you for not realizing just how fucked up you are.

Secret #10: I have been sexually active regularly for 9 years and have NEVER had an orgasm. The longest I have gone without sex is 3 months. Nothing. I have seen doctors, read books, tried all I know to try and all I have been told to try and STILL NOTHING. I am afraid something is wrong with me that keeps me from getting to reach and experience an orgasm.

Secret #11: I masturbated with your toothbrush. Then I put it in my butthole. I put it back but didn't clean it.

Secret #12: If I could make you dead with my mind, I would do it. Just kidding I don't want you dead but if I could make you suffer with my mind the way I suffered for you, I would do it.

Secret #13: I hate that my mom is marrying you. She could do way way way WAY WAY better. Asshole. My real dad didn't deserve her and you don't deserve her either. I hate that she settles for less than she deserves because she keeps getting with men who treat her like crap.

Secret #14: I want to fuck my therapist. He's gay and it'll never happen but I fantasize about it during sessions and sometimes when I wank.

Secret #15: Sometimes, I dance around my room and pretend that I'm dancing with you and you're twirling me around a glamorous ballroom like Bell and Beast at the end of the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast.

Secret #16: I love blogging but I cannot stand most other bloggers and it makes me happy that not a lot of people read my blog or even "know" who I even am. Most are so self-centered and arrogant and think their lives are so fucking great or that they as a person as so great and it makes me laugh. I wonder how much of it is real and how much is just what they wish is real because they're too scared to live the life that they wish they lived. I think if some people had the full lives they claim to then they wouldn't have so much free time to constantly blog and talk on twitter about what they're doing all the time.

Secret #17: I cry every time I watch Dirty Dancing. I want something like that. Someone to believe in me. Someone to make me feel that I'm more than just that girl in the corner no one notices.

Secret #18: I slept with her then I slept with her sister later that night. Two weeks later, I got a blowjob from their mom. I want to fuck their older brother.

Secret #19: I prefer the fantasy world I have created in my mind because reality scares me.

Secret #20: I'm 26 and I'm still a virgin. I've had tons of chances but I'm so self-conscious about my small penis that I haven't ever taken up any offers of oral sex or intercourse.

Whew! That does it for the secrets today. If you submitted one last weekend or during the week at any time and don't see it here today, it'll be posted next weekend. I actually have a few more left but I decided to stop at 20 in case I don't get many submissions from now until then. Thanks again to everyone for submitting their secrets for me to use. ;)

And remember, if you want to submit a secret for me to use in a future post, email it to me (amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com) or leave your secret anonymously in the comments. :)

Have a good weekend, y'all!

Leave a comment, please?

Saturday Secrets #3

If this doesn't auto-post, I blame the inter for failing. Or Blogger. Whatever.

Also, thanks to everyone who has submitted a secret to be posted here.
:) If you want to submit something, email it or leave your secret in
the comments.

Secret #1: I hate your beard. If I could shave it while you slept
without fear of harming you, I would do it.

Secret #2: I'm ashamed to admit this but sometimes when we fuck, I
fantasize about his hot older brother.

Secret #3: I hate the pot roast you make that you think is so delish.
It's DRY bitch!

Secret #4: It was me the melted jelly beans and gummy bears and poured
the mix into your shoes. I let her take the fall because she's such a
bitch.

Secret #5: The smell of deodorant (most anyway) totally fucking turns
me the fuck on. Mmm yeah.

Secret #6: Everytime I've ever "accidentally" grazed your dick too
hard with my teeth it happened on purpose because I was mad at you.

Secret #7: you could do much better than me but I'll never tell.

Secret #8: you're too smart for me. I pretend to follow what you're
saying as I google the words so I can find their definitions just so I
can understand what the hell you are saying.

Secret #9: Watching you eat turns me on.

Secret #10: I will never forgive you for Baylynne 425.

Secret #11: I'm overweight yet I look at fat people with so much
disgust. I can't stand fat people.

Secret #12: My socks, bra, panties and make-up all have to match and
be color coordinated with my outfits. You dressing like such a slob
makes me so mad.

Secret #13: I still cry every time I hear "our song" even though it
has been 3 years since you moved on.

Thanks again to everyone who submitted a secret for me to post! :)
Also, not one of these is a secret of mine this week but a few belong
to good blog buddies. ;)

Happy Saturday!

Saturday Secrets #2

Saturday Secrets time! If you don't know what this is, go check here. If you want to submit a secret that I'll anonymously post here next Saturday, email it to me (amorousrocker [at] gmail) or you can leave a comment here anonymously. Just say that it's for a Secrets post and I will copy what you leave and not publish the comment. (I have comment moderation on. Again.)

Saturday Secrets #2

This is strange to admit really, but I've always felt the want and desire to dominate a woman. the hole shebang whips chains cuffs her wearing rubber. it would make me happy but when I think about it I don't think the domination would go past the light bondage stage really. as I'm not that big into pain myself. it would just be nice to have the option to progress beyond said level. when it was done and dusted to I'd take her out and treat her like a princess buying her whatever her heart desired. and then take her home and help relax and stuff as I'd have to be in a relationship with said woman I've never mentioned this to any exes as I've always felt strange mentioning the subject. My deep dark desires are written now.


I met someone, and I want to leave him for her. That's right, a woman. Oh, the things I'd do to her... Things that would make him jealous because I never did care for oral with him.


I only liked you because you reminded me of him and I was still in love with him. Now, you're in love with my and I'm going to have to break your heart by ending things. I'm finally over him and the fact that you remind me so much of him bugs me.


I love rubbing it in your face that she left you for me. It's so petty and a part of me feels like a jackass for doing it because I know it's wrong but part of me loves it and loves how good it feels.


That night you had a party and we all got drunk and people slept everywhere? I got to sleep in the room next to your bedroom. I heard you and him fucking and it was kinda loud. I wanked off listening to him fuck you and pretended it was me fucking you while I wanked.


I'm about to graduate college with a Master's Degree. I have been at my current job for 3 years. It makes me great money and I love working there. It has nothing to do with the field I have been studying for 8 years. I don't want to leave my job. Not because I think I'll fail in my field of choice but because the only reason I got my Master's was to prove to my parents that I could because they didn't believe in me.


I idolize my older sister. She's despises me and says she wishes I were never born because she wanted to be an only child. I'm 16 and she is 24. I know she's a nasty person to me but to the rest of the world she's wonderful. I wish I could only see the negative crap in her so that I wouldn't look up to her. I want to hate her the way she hates me.


I love Harry Potter. I wish a world like that existed for real. I would live there.


He thinks I get so into phone sex. I do it for him but I'm only pretending. I'm usually watching a movie or reading a magazine when we're "having phone sex." I just can't get into it and don't enjoy masturbating but he gets off on it so I do it for him.


I am struggling so hard but no one knows. I cry so much but I don't do it in front of anyone and don't tell anyone how much I cry. I feel miserable most of the time but I don't tell anyone and I don't let it show. I'm only really me when I'm by myself. I'm going out and seeing people less and less because it's getting too hard to keep pretending. I know I need help but I can't afford to get it and I'm not brave enough either.


I got so bored during sex with you that I started thinking about what I needed to get done in Farmville and other Facebook games that I play.

Happy Saturday!

Leave a comment, please?

Saturday Secrets

First... thank you to everyone who commented on yesterday's post about the anti-gay and anti-premarital sex protesting. :) There were some really great comments there. Also...

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS! I don't know why I'm excited since my boyfriend will be at work all night, I don't have money to do anything, I won't see my family since they live in California and it falls on a Tuesday so most of my friends will probably have work anyway. Hey, maybe I'll get lucky and one of the dozen interviews I've gone on in the last two weeks will result in a job by then. I'd be down for working on my birthday if I can get hired somewhere. If not, I'll probably cook myself dinner and watch some movies.

ANYWAY! :)

Some of these secrets are mine. Not many of them are but a few belong to me. Most of them belong to readers and a few friends. I solicited some help for this because I thought it would be fun. Plus, if my secrets are the only ones here, they're not really secrets. ;) Do you have a secret you want to get off your chest? Email it to me amorousrocker (at) gmail (dot) com. Or, you can comment anonymously here for me to use in another post. I have comment moderation on and you can comment under "anonymous" so even I won't know who's admitting to what. ;) If you do it that way, just comment and let me know it's for a later Secrets post. I already have a drafted post started for a second one of these posts. I won't publish the comment if you do submit that way and it will just be used for a future Secrets post.

On to the secrets...

I never wear sandals or peep toe heels even though I would love to wear some of both because I'm afraid of people seeing my toes. They look like normal toes but I think that's such an ugly body part. I hate people seeing mine and I get grossed out seeing other people's.


Things have to get better and soon. All this stress is starting to break me down. I can't handle being on such an emotional roller coaster like I have been lately. It hurts and I'm feeling lost. Both things I hate. I keep telling myself to be positive and I try. It just gets harder every day.


We used to be so in love. We used to be so happy together. Now we hardly spend any time together. Now I find myself wishing I had someone else who could appreciate me more. Someone who would still want to spend time with me doing nothing at all. I still love you so fucking much, I don't want it to be over. I can't keep going on like this with you.


I've cried 9 of the last 14 days. That is an improvement on 12 of the previous 14 days.


I miss you, even though I shouldn't. I lay in bed at night with him, but I'm thinking about you and wondering if you're thinking about me. He deserves better than that but I'm too afraid to be alone.


I fantasize about fucking famous men when you're inside of me. You don't know how many times I've been *thisss close* to calling out a different name during intercourse before.


I hate the music you listen to. I've only pretended to love it the last 5 1/2 years because I wanted us to have more things in common. I'm a fraud and you have shitty taste in music!


Your cock isn't really bigger than average, no you're not really that good in bed, yes I fantasize about other men, sometimes I fantasize about women and NO that isn't normal and it doesn't happen to everyone.


I pretend to get along with your mother to make you happy. Truthfully? I CAN'T STAND HER. She is a pretentious, rude, bitchy, judgmental idiot.


I'm smarter than you but your mother thinks I'm an idiot. One day I feel like I'll snap and shove my SAT scores in her dimwitted face.


I used your toothbrush as a dildo. Then put it back. Without washing it. I hope it tasted funny when you used it the next morning, selfish little bitch.


I sat through your ballet performance just to get in your pants. Then regretted it and kicked myself for wasting those 4 hours.


If he walked in and told me he wanted to be with me, I'd leave you. If he walked in and told me he wanted to fuck me, I'd cheat on you. If I weren't so afraid to be alone, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself and walk away forever.


You know that slice of pie that was in the refrigerator with your name on it? I ate it. It tasted so good. And even better because you broke a plate the next day because someone ate your pie. Revenge through gluttony, yummy.


I hit you in the balls and said it was an accident. It wasn't. I was pissed and wanted to hurt you.


I peed in a cup and poured about a tablespoon of it into your applesauce before dumping the rest outside. It took all my self control not to laugh my ass off as you took a bite and grimaced but continued to eat it anyway.

Happy Saturday!!!!!!

Leave a comment, please? ;)

Silence & sincerity..

Silence is better than insincerity.

This is something I find myself saying at times when I'm opening up to a friend about something. Usually when they're apologizing for not knowing what to say in response to something I have said. I would rather someone honestly tell me they have nothing to say than to tell me something they don't really mean. When I vent to people, I don't want them to coddle me. I don't want them to lie to me and make me feel better. I only have a handful of people I vent to and honestly, it's because they never sugarcoat, coddle, judge, lie to spare my feelings, lie to make me feel better or do any crap like that. I also trust those people that I vent to implicitly. I don't trust easily and I don't open up to that many people but that's another monster for another day.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About myself, the way I feel about various things, etc. A lot of things about thoughts and feelings I have. Some new, some recent and some that I stifled and never dealt with a long time ago. Mostly, it's stuff that I've stuffed down and ignored from years ago. I figured I was passed a lot of those things but really, I had just ignored them well enough. In working on myself to become a better person in recent months, I realized I have so much shit I need to deal with. Things that I thought didn't bother me anymore. I realized I had done such a good job at hiding everything from other people that I'd ended up mistaking that as having certain issues resolved. How silly of me, eh?

I had a long talk with Fangs last night and I love him for always being straight with me. I vented about some things that he's never had to deal with and he had no clue what to say. He said as much, too. His words? "I'm sorry, I wish I had something helpful to say but I just don't know what to say. I won't lie and pretend I understand because I know I don't and I won't lie and give you some cliche insincere bullshit either."

That is what I love about him. I'd rather be told that than have someone pour out a bunch of cliche bullshit that is anything but sincere. It's not helpful at all either because I know insincere bullshit when I hear it.

Which is also something I love about my boyfriend. He might not always know what to say but he never lies to me, never sugarcoats things for me. Sometimes, he (along with those friends I vent to) say things that sting, say things that I don't always want to hear and say things that sometimes piss me off. I love them for that though because those things are generally things I need to hear. They're not mean or petty about anything. They just tell me the truth and tell me things I need to hear. They never back away from saying something to me for fear that it will piss me off. Even when they know it will piss me off. As Fangs says, he'd rather me be mad at him for a few hours over keeping his mouth shut when he shouldn't have. And if they don't know what to say, they don't say anything. They never pretend to understand when they don't. I don't always respond well but I appreciate and love them for doing things the way they do.

I'd rather have someone be honest with me, even if it means I open up about something and they have nothing more than a hug and a shoulder in exchange. Having a boyfriend and some close friends that are like that in my life helps me so much.

Cheater

My friend asked me to do something for her. She cheated on her boyfriend several times with the same guy. When her guilt finally became too much, she quit cheating. Then, she was scared her boyfriend had been cheating on her because if she did it, who says he hasn't? So, she got paranoid and started taking every little thing out of proportion. They started fighting more due to her newly established suspicious nature. She doesn't have the balls to tell him she cheated though she wants him to know so he can leave her or they can work through it. She told me she wanted me to tell him for her. To make up a story about how she let me have her myspace password to go tweak her profile layout since she has trouble doing it. Then I got nosy and decided to go read through her messages. In doing that, I found messages between her and another guy that proved she had been fucking around with this guy. That was the story she came up with and wanted me to tell her boyfriend. That way, he would confront her and she wouldn't have to be the bigger person and initiate the conversation. I told her I wouldn't do it. I told her I would not assuage her guilt. I told her to grow a fucking pair and own up to what she had done if she couldn't bear the guilt anymore. I told her I would not help make this easier on her because she didn't deserve to have it made easier on her. Her boyfriend did not abuse her verbally or physically. Her boyfriend in fact supports her emotionally as well as physically. He also pays half of her bills as she can only work part time with her hectic college schedule. Her excuse for cheating on him was that she doesn't see him much because he works two jobs and they only get three nights a week together. His one job was enough to support him and have some extra to play on. He took on a second job so he could afford to help her because he thinks that after three years together that this is the girl he is going to marry one day. If he weren't paying her car payment, car insurance payment, helping pay her student loans and paying her part of the rent, he wouldn't even need a second job and thus they would have more time together. Since I refused to make her confession easier on her by being the bearer of bad news, she hasn't talked to me in almost a month now.

I've been sick the last few days but after 14 hours of medicated sleep (not consecutive, I woke up several times to take more medicine, drink some fluids and pass back out) I was awake for a while and not going back to sleep anytime soon. I propped up in my bed with my laptop and turned on a movie last night. I did something I hardly remember to do and signed into one of the instant messenger services I use. Within a couple minutes, she sent me an IM to see if I would change my mind. The "guilt is reaching unbearable levels" and she doesn't know how much longer she can handle agonizing over if he's cheating on her or not, if he secretly knows or not, etc etc etc. I told her again that I would not do it. She pleaded with me, telling me I was the only person who knew and that she couldn't believe I wouldn't help her in her desperate time of need. I told her I refused to be put in the middle of her mess and that I didn't care what kind of a guilt trip she pulled, I wasn't helping her out with this one. I said I was a bitch. I informed her that I already knew that but thanked her for the reminder, as if I needed one. She told me to fuck off and then signed off the messenger service.

Her boyfriend, while I think he's a great guy, isn't a friend of mine. I don't honestly care for him much and he doesn't care for me much. Though I can unbiasedly look at everything he's done for my friend and how well he treats her and say that he's not a bad guy. Just not someone I get along with. I do believe he deserves to know my friend cheated on him but I'm not going to be the one to tell him that. He loves her as much as any person can love another. He not only loves her but he cares deeply for her, adores and respects her. I know when she finally busts because she won't be able to stand it anymore, he's going to be crushed. I'm not going to be the one to crush and hurt him. I'm not going to make it easier on her just because she's too chickenshit to own up to her mistake fully. It's not my place to get in the middle of things going on in their relationship and be the one to tell him. No way, not going to happen.

Does that make me a bitch? Maybe. Depends on your perspective and where you stand on things. I don't think it makes me a bitch at all.

Do I care one way or another if anyone else thinks I'm being a bitch? Nope, not at all. =o) There's no way I'll be changing my mind, no matter what she says. She can't use any guilt trip because I don't feel the slightest bit guilty by refusing to give her an easier way out. I'm not easily swayed and I stand very strong in my decisions once I decide on something.

Now, back to my DayQuil and disgusting cough drops.

Happy Sunday y'all!

Trust I seek and I find in you...

I'm going to make a confession right here, right now. Okay, so maybe not right now this second but it's coming up. This is something I have never told anyone before. Not a soul. No my best friends, not the love of my life. Not even my imaginary friends.

Sure, I make this sound scandalous but really, it's not.

Ready?

When I was a little kid, I used to want to do commercials. For cereal. Chips. Fabric softener. Pretty much anything. I would take clothes out of the dryer and then act out commercials I had seen where they were snuggling their warm, super soft freshly softened and nicely scented blankets. I would recall lines from the commercial and think them as I pulled the clothes out and imagine myself in the commercial. Or I would sit there, eating a bowl of cereal and think about a cereal commercial I had seen. Even if I wasn't eating the particular cereal from the commercial, I would pretend I was and sit there thinking about being in the commercial. I practiced my cheesy cereal box grin and my fake over excited mannerisms while eating my cereal and pondering about how I would deliver my lines. I think that went on for about six months. I was really young and I thought doing commercials would be pretty much the coolest thing ever.

Of course, the thing that wore off the want to do commercials happened at school. We had fire fighters and a fire truck come to school one day at the private school I was at. They talked to us and told us stories. We got to play in their gear and check out the fire truck and some other cool shit. So after that, being a fire fighter was way more appealing than doing some stupid television commercial.

I don't know what made me think of the many months at my young age where I would think up commercials and day dream about being in them. That's a memory that hasn't been thought of in YEARS but for some reason, I remembered it yesterday. Last night, Boyfriend and I went to the store and got supplies to make S'Mores and got a board game to play with YB. We played the game for about an hour and then we set out for the S'More making. I was standing there with YB, toasting my marshmallow and then the memory hit me. It was a little strange. I wasn't thinking about anything particular at all but there I was, toasting a marshmallow over the flames and BAM! I remembered that span of months where all I wanted to do was be in commercials.

Now you couldn't get me on TV without a huge sum of money being involved and it definitely wouldn't be doing any crap reality show. I just wouldn't want to be on any show honestly. ;)

Anyway.

Apparently, I cuss too much. I actually don't cuss as much as I used to anymore. It's just something I do less of but when I get animated, heated or in any state where I'm letting a lot of emotion flow... it happens more than normal. I had some bot on Twitter pick out something I tweeted and I got the standard "Potty Mouth Alert" tweeted to me with my name on it. You know, so people would know I have a "potty mouth" and to stay away from me and my filthy tongue. I joked about it but then someone who follows me on Twitter replied back hours later in a private message saying that I did have a "potty mouth" and that I needed to "work on that." Of course, I responded, politely and without cuss words basically telling that person I didn't see a need to work on that. They replied back with a little snark. I remained polite. The next day, we caught each other on Google chat and Person felt it was needed to talk to me again about my "potty mouth" to which I requested the subject get dropped. Person went on a mini little tirade about it and so then my response to each thing had me cussing a lot and not really giving an articulate and mature response. Given that I felt the conversation was ridiculous and also pointless. Hello, do you not see the disclaimer icon on my blog? I clearly state that I say FUCK, CUNT, SHIT, BITCH, ASS, WHORE and a plethora of naughty, dirty and some times vulgar words. ;) Anyway, the last of the "conversation" went like this.

Person: "MY POINT IS THIS! Stop cursing, it's a dirty habit. Do you kiss your boyfriend with that dirty mouth?"

Me: "Cussing is so not the dirtiest thing I do with my mouth."

Person: "Oh ugh. Come now and answer me, you kiss your man with that dirty mouth? It's not lady like to talk that way!"

Me: "I kiss my boyfriend after his cock has been in my mouth. You think cussing is more dirty than that?"

Person: "That... I... Wow. I do not know what to say to that. I don't think 'lady like' is a term that would ever apply to you."

Me: "Nope, it sure fucking isn't. *grin*"

Person: "I think I am wasting my time here."

Me: "Definitely. Now, will you please drop this bullshit like I asked already?"

Person: "Could you ask in a polite manner?"

Me: "I SAID PLEASE. Sheesh."

Person: "::shakes head:: You had to have been a man in another life."

Me: "More than likely. Look, you don't have to talk to me and you don't have to read my blog or follow me on Twitter. If you don't like the way I say what I say, then too damn bad. I'm not changing that for you or anyone else."

Then we had a mini debate about how Person really likes my blog and finds me overall amusing but just doesn't prefer the language I use. Again, I say that's too bad. I write what I want how I want and you can either take it or leave it. I don't mind either way honestly. "I've got a bad mouth but I do good things with it."

I'm already thinking about what to post about tomorrow. I've sucked at updating lately due to lack of time spent online. Due to being busy spending all my time at work and hanging out with my guy before he leaves. Also due to the internet sucking huge ape balls and not working most of the time when I'm actually home. So I have much I want to post about. What to do for tomorrow. Sex stuff? Tits? Dreams? Cotton candy rant? More memories? Boohooing about Boyfriend leaving Friday? Work stories? Bitching? Pictures? Hypothetical scenarios? Hmm.. So many choices.

Last but not least...

This song is pretty much one of my favorite Metallica songs. I love it. I've also had it stuck in my head for several days now on and off again. Which is okay. It comes and goes so I don't mind. It's when a song is consistently stuck in your head for hours and days that it drives me up the fucking wall.



Happy Wednesday!

Get your hands off of this glass, last call my ass....

I have a confession to make. Before Sunday, I had never eaten the Girl Scout cookies that so many of you rave about. The cookies that so many of you hunt down. The cookies you wait months for. Yes, I mean Thin Mints. My dad loves Thin Mints. LS loves Thin Mints too, which I didn't know. I remember Girl Scout cookies in the house but not in years. I didn't mess with any of them, as far as I remember, lol. I'm not a fan of minty things usually. All the recent ranting and raving in the blogosphere recently about Thin Mints left me wanting to try some of the damn things though. People going drastic measures for a few boxes of cookies. Some driving miles that also meant hours to get the cookies. I was curious what was so fantastic about some cookies that people would go to so much trouble over.

My mom came in Sunday afternoon with a few boxes of the cookies. Two boxes were Thin Mints. I said I wanted to try them. I did. Not bad. LS saw the box and charged into the kitchen, grabbing the box and then almost cuddling it as she ate some of the cookies.

I admit, they are pretty good. LS and mom informed me that LS and Dad like them best after they've been in the freezer. So I went to work and left the cookies in the freezer. Later on, long after they had spent hours in the freezer, I ate another. Then another 2 for good measure. They do taste better cold.

I admit, they are good. However, I don't think I'll find myself craving them like mad once they're gone. I'm not a big fan of chocolate (unless it's dark chocolate) and I like mint but I wasn't in glutton heaven with the cookies. I wasn't disappointed mind you but I was almost indifferent about them. While they are pretty tasty cookies, they just don't rock me the way they rock so many other people. I'll take a nice soft sugar cookie from Great American Cookie any day. Or perhaps a peanut butter cookie. Or even a shortbread cookie. Oh well, that just leaves more Thin Mints for the real fanatics in the world to get their fix of. ;)

The days left in my way until I see Boyfriend again are fewer and fewer. There's still a little more than a week but that's not bad at all. I'm excited. No, the days aren't creeping by slowly. I suppose if that's all I occupied my mind with, they probably would be. I have tons of other stuff that keeps my mind busy though so the days are passing as they normally do. This weekend flew by though. I believe that would be due to work being so busy so my shifts, while long, all went by quickly. Since I spend my weekends at work, my weekend went by quickly, lol. ;) I'm so looking forward to the time off from work too. Though, I'm not looking forward to it at the same time. I'm happy for the time off. The loss of hours equals loss of pay though so I'm a little worried about taking 5 days off from work but not too worried. I should be fine and it'll be worth it to spend a week with my love and friends and other family members. Yay. =)

VanillaCoke has a crazy scheme going that she thinks I need to be a part of. She wants to open a nightclub/pool hall/strip club/pizza parlor. She thinks it will be a hit. The first floor will be non-smoking with a dance floor, bar, comfy couches, comfy chairs and a sectioned off area that will have Dance Dance Revolution machines. The second level is the pizza parlor. Booths, tables and an ice cream bar. Serving pizza, soda, water and more booze if you're of age. Third level will be the pool hall. Pool tables, dart boards, a few video games, a jukebox and another bar. The fourth level is going to be the strip club. Oh and there's going to be a swimming pool and hot tub on the roof. With a sauna. Maybe one day it will even expand and have an "out back" section where there will be mini golf and a sand volleyball court. This is her dream establishment. Her goal now is to find herself a sugar daddy so she can obtain the money to build this monstrosity. She wants me to be the manager of the strip club portion and be in charge of hiring the girls. She also thinks Boyfriend should manage the pizza parlor portion since he used to work as a pizza delivery driver and did learn to make pizzas and stuff as well. She also thinks we all need to be on the look out for a potential sugar daddy for her so she can afford this grand dreams of hers. Now, I am slightly poking fun of her. You have to understand VanillaCoke though. Three months ago her big idea was a mall that had all the best shops and food places along with a small casino, a small scale circus and a petting zoo inside. Before that it was a movie theater with a laundry mat inside, you know, for those who wanted to catch a movie and do their laundry. ;) She always comes up with ideas to combine something fun with something useful. One day, she'll probably come up with something bad ass and get rich off of it.

I was thinking about posting some kind of nonsense Wednesday and then coming back later with a big fat APRIL FOOLS edit but meh, I'm not into it this year. I don't really get into it anyway. I mess with people enough the rest of the year, no need for a special day. Especially on one when they're looking out for it anyway. ;)

Happy Monday!