A place where I let some of the things running around my mind out to play.
Sexuality, sports, baking, random nonsense, mental health and whatever else I feel compelled to write about.
My friend SS* is an incredibly amazing person. She is a wonderful friend. If I need an ear she is there. If I need a laugh, she can provide one anytime. She can pull jokes or silly anecdotes out of her ass, I swear. She is beautiful, inside and out. She is strong and courageous. She works hard. She is a single mother and an absolutely fantastic mom to her adorable little boy. She goes without a lot to be able to give him what he needs but she never complains about it. SS is working on getting a better job. She's gone through several interviews for amazing jobs in her chosen career path and she gets to the final round of her interviewing processes but so far, hasn't made it to the podium, so to speak. She has an amazing opportunity right now. She's made it again to the final round in the process. There's X amount of jobs available with this known** company and 30 people they're spending a week going over before making the final calls of "welcome aboard" or "sorry but you're ultimately just not what we're looking for." SS really wants this job and I think it would be fantastic for her. She deserves something to go her way and I hope she gets it. If you pray, please pray for her. If you believe in good energy, send some her way. If you believe in positive thinking, think a little something nice for her. Whatever it is you believe in, send some good SS's way. Please and thank you. *grin*
(*I gave her that nickname because her initials are SS. **It's a well known cosmetics company so there's a hint to her dream job she's chasing.)
Musical Monday. I post a lot of rock. Some punk, some metal, some alternative, some melodic metal, some 80's rock, etc etc. I do love other types of music. I love classical, I like country, I like r&b, I like blues, I like a lot of different kinds of music. Rock in several forms is my favorite. Hello, pay attention to my screen name eh? ;) The song I'm posting today is "Becoming The Bull" by Atreyu. I love them but hey, they're not for everyone. The video I'm meh about. I LOVE this song though. I had it stuck in my head all night Sunday and I was fine with that because it went along with a lot of the things I had on my mind.
Lyrics: Come on!
Grab the bull by the horns The old adage goes Nobody tells you where to go from there Seems like fate’s pulling you Decisions have to be made The best path is the hardest earned
Back and forth a struggle consumes us all Trying to keep a level head In the most unsettling of times Today I become the bull
There is so much at stake I stumble I lose my place Pride and arrogance surrounded by sin Destiny takes its hold Fight it or let it go But I choose how today will end
This walk Can get lonely I lose myself inside my head No one can touch you when You’re outside staring in Remove myself from this rat race
I love Flickr. I've wasted countless amounts of time on there passing the boredom by uploading stuff and checking out countless random pictures other people have uploaded.
A lot of people have been asking lately but I can't remember who all I have told or forgot to tell so I'll just say it here and hopefully those who have asked will read this, lol. I don't have a facebook account. Some of you who have asked, I would definitely add, if only I had one.
My Stars play tonight against Detroit. Our last meeting with them a few days ago was TERRIBLE. So terrible I couldn't even bring myself to watch it all because I knew I'd be one sad little ninja. I'll be working but I'll have the game recording on DVR. GO STARS!
I had something else to say but I've forgotten. Ooops.
Saturday Survey #4567909a1 Brought to you by: Amorous Rocker
Have you ever slept in the same bed as a friend of the opposite sex without having sex or wanting to? Yeah! I've had a couple gay guy friends sleep in my bed with me and definitely nothing went on and neither of us wanted anything to go on, lol. I've slept in the same bed with two other guy friends a few years ago and nothing happened then either. =)
Are you wild and crazy? At times. I've grown up a little bit and learned to control myself. There's a time and place for everything you know. ;) Acting wild in the grocery store is just obnoxious.
How many people have you gone out with? I don't even know.
Do you like to shop? No!
Whose your favorite sibling? They all have things that make them pretty awesome.
Are you helpful? Depends on what you need help with. I try to be, lol.
Who was the last person you had a disagreement with? What happened? One of my best friends like an hour ago. He started being a fucktard so I started being an asshole which turned him into a defensive douchebag who wanted to push things off on me which just made me that much more of a raging temperamental asshole. We then gave the word fuck a lot of usage with the words "selfish dick", "grow up", "get over it" and "use your fucking head" all being close runners up for most usage. Then I apologized, he apologized, we e-hugged and we then returned to our regularly scheduled programming.
What's your favorite part of the day? Depends on the day. Example. My favorite part of the day Thursday was finding a way to eat bananas without making my stomach turn courtesy of my smart thinking little sister. I eat banana to up my potassium intake but I really don't like bananas all that well and being at work, I didn't have a lot of options with something to give me a boost so I went with a banana. (I have a long list of foods rich in potassium so no need to offer me any ideas and no need to go researching for me but thanks!)
Do you have plans tonight? I have the same plans every Saturday night... I'll be at work until 2 AM or 2:30 AM. Depending on how busy we are an hour before closing time.
Have you ever purposely avoided someone? Guilty. I don't do it often but occasionally it happens.
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? About what? The same person I just had an argument with a little while ago, lol. About? I won't say because it involves him and his life and it's not something I'd broadcast at all.
Is anything wrong? Yes. The title of the posts displays how I feel about that though. (They're also lyrics to a song but they fit and I agree.)
Are your friends taller than you? Most of my friends are guys and yeah, they're taller. The female friends I have are the same height or shorter.
Have you made a mistake this past week? Maybe. Actually yes a little one but it's been fixed and lesson learned.
Last movie watched and who watched it with you? The Golden Compass and I watched by myself.
Have you ever turned someone down that asked you out solely because you didn't like how they looked? No.
When do you start working on your tan? I don't, ever. People at work are starting now. I'm like, it's January and still cold, what the fuck?
Did the last person of the opposite sex you made out with have a tattoo or multiple tattoos? Yeah. Boyfriend has one.
Have you ever been in a completely perfect relationship? They don't exist. Every relationship has ups and downs. If they don't... well, back to the title of this post again, lol. I'd honestly hate being in a relationship that never had any ups and downs. I guess that may be weird but I'd hate for everything to be completely perfect every second of every day.
Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Boyfriend is two weeks younger.
What is a movie coming out you are excited for or at least interested in? Underworld: Rise of the Lycans!
Do you like Red Bull? NO.
Have you ever taken medications that were prescribed to someone else? Yeah. =x
What was the last thing you washed? My body in the shower.
Do you always have to have something to drink when you eat a meal? Yes! I can't eat a meal without something to drink. If I don't, my mouth and throat get thick and dry feeling then I start thinking I'm gonna choke, lol.
What's the last thing you did that felt good? Take a shower. It's my sanctuary. I clean my body and my soul, lol. I always feel better after a nice shower.
What are you wearing honey? Haha! Honey? Haha! Ahem. A TOOL tshirt and my most favorite black pinstriped pajama pants.
Do you know anyone that smokes pot? YEAH EVERYONE AT MY JOB EXCEPT FOR 5 PEOPLE. The rest including some management are big ass potheads. It drives me nuts. I mean, there are always potheads at every job I work at but seriously, working somewhere where over 30 of the people working there are potheads? And there's less than 40 total employees? C'mon. I hate that around 20 of them smoke at work too because they're already lazy and then they get high on a break, come back and are even more fucking lazy than they naturally already are. Argh. /rant Lol.
Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for? Every day.
Do you want kids? No.
Did you go out or stay in last night? I went out... to work.
What’s something you really want right now? $25,000 non taxable. Please and thank you. Oh be more realistic you say? To see my boyfriend again, lol. More realistic than that eh? A Nintendo DS!
Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself? Yeah. =)
Are you your complete self around your parents? Honestly, no.
Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Who and why? My boyfriend. No matter how weird, crazy, bitchy, moody, angry, violent, etc etc I get, he can handle it and still love me later despite it. He never judges me. He always listens without biased opinion and never turns around disbelieving what I've said because he already had his mind made up. He's supportive. He makes me laugh. He just accepts me for me, even when I'm being grumpy, moody, crazy, silly, dorky or just fucking weird. He gets me better than anyone and I'm comfortable and trusting enough that I don't guard myself around him.
When was the last time you said you were fine but really weren't? Last year! Haha! =p
Has anyone ever told you that you had no heart or called you heartless? Yeah and they were really stupid obviously because how would I even be living if my heart were fucking missing? Even if my heart got sick of it's job and wanted to just hop out and take a vacation, I couldn't carry on in auto-pilot or something without it. Even if it just wanted a little day trip to run off to the county fair for some corn dogs, funnel cake, caramel apples, carnival games and maybe hitting up a couple of the rides, I couldn't live that long without the little thing doing it's job. *Ahem* Seriously. Just because I don't wear my heart on my sleep or show a lot of emotion doesn't mean I'm heartless because I'm not at all.
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Work last night! Or every night at work. People got to be rude bitches which makes me want to clock them one in their mouth. "Hey chick, I said I wanted a SIDE OF FUCKING MAYO and YOU didn't bring me any with my order. Why ask for it if you ain't gonna bring it to me huh?""Yes sir, I didn't have one of the cooks jerk off into the little cup I gave you so that would obviously be your fucking side of mayonnaise you douchenozzlethat white substance in that little cup I handed you is the Mayo you asked for."
Do you have a real life friend you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell anyone else? Yes. A couple and I adore the fuck out of them for being able to keep things to themselves. =)
Will the groundhog see his shadow? No, he's going to see Mary Poppins or The Beastie Boys. Possibly Tone Loc or maybe even The Easter Bunny if he's lucky.
Will you be with your significant other on Valentines Day this year? Probably not actually.
If you start reading and decide nothing in my post today is interesting to you, skip to the bottom and watch the music video. Then, don't blame me for you losing any brain cells if you do happen to listen to the whole song and watch the ridiculous video too. ;)
Nerd confession: Once a day, I think up a word. Preferably a difficult word that one wouldn't use in every day life. Then I go to the thesaurus and find other words that mean the same thing or that are similar in meaning. If I don't learn a new word, I pick a different word and go about this until I do learn a new word. Sometimes, when I don't feel like doing this, I go to the Encyclopedia of Medicine and look up something ordinary and find out how to say the technical medical term. Or I find something I don't know much about and read a little bit on it. If I don't feel like doing that, then I pick something else and go try to learn something new about that. Or I think on something from school that interested me but that I haven't thought on in a long time and go research that, sort of like a little refreshing of the memory. I don't do any of this so I can say I'm smarter than anyone. I don't use the learned knowledge to try and make myself feel superior to anyone. I don't even mention most of the things unless I know I'm telling someone who would be interested in hearing it. I just like to learn and teach myself something new every day. My mind is always going, always prodding, always questioning, always on on on. I figure I might as well use all the energy into learning new things that are of interest to me or reminding myself of old interesting things since forgotten. I enjoy it. *grin*
Boyfriend's been sick the last couple of days. He went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotic and some cough syrup with codeine though. Hopefully he'll be feeling better in a couple days. I'm actually glad we're 2,000 miles apart right now. He sounds miserable as fuck and with my amazing luck and stellar immune system, I'd probably catch what he's got and be miserable as fuck within a couple days. Eww. So that's one good thing about us being apart. One of the few actually. Blech! Poor baby.
The Stars played Detroit last night. They lost. Badly. It makes me sad. I'm actually a little glad I was at work and unable to watch the game. Only a little bit though. I love my team and don't like when I miss watching a game. Even when they get their asses handed to them. =( Next game will be better! Hopefully. =)
Right now, I'm typing this and watching The Golden Compass. I've seen the movie twice but that was many months ago, lol. I'm watching it again now. I liked it when I saw it in theaters. I want to get the "His Dark Materials" trilogy and read them though. Yeah, I'm a fantasy nerd. My favorite video games are Final Fantasy and Devil May Cry. Actually, aside from Mario, Tetris, sports games and the ever amazing Rock Band, FF and DMC are the only ones I'll play. I don't play video games much though. Back to books. Thanks to KBear, there's another series by Karen Chance that I want to look in to. I didn't know about it yet but she sent me an email to let me know. Since she's amazing and awesome like that ya know. ;) I also have a ton of other books I want to buy. Good thing I love to read. :D Though I won't by anything new yet. For two reasons. One, I'm trying to save money and I just spent $18 on two CDs I was dying to have. I put them off for a few months and couldn't resist them any longer. I felt a little bad wasting my money but not really, lol. Why work hard if I don't by myself some things I want now and then? Second, I've already got quite a few books I'm reading and a couple that haven't been cracked open yet. Currently, I'm reading three books. "Insomnia" by Stephen King, "The Monster Of Florence" and one of the Anita Blake graphic novels by Laurell K Hamilton. Sometimes I do only read one book at a time. Other times, I'm reading two or three at a time. I went for a week without reading the SK book but the last two days, I've gone through well over 200 pages of it in not a lot of time, lol. It just depends on the book or books and the kind of mood I'm in at the moment.
I got into a small conversation at work last night with two of the guys about the Saw movies. It totally freaks one of them out. Mainly because the torture scenes in the movie are ideas thought up by the people involved in making the movie. So it freaks him out that a normal every day person can think up some shit like that. I asked if he believe that someone would snap and shove a knife into ones eyeball just because they thought it up for a scene in a creepy movie. He thought about it a minute and then said that was probably not fair to say, maybe they just had an overactive imagination. The other guy mentioned that sometimes when he got really pissed off at a douchebag customer, he occasionally humored the idea of bringing them into the kitchen and smashing their face against the 450 degree grill for a second or two. I mentioned that, one night, I'd told one of the supremely bitchy girl co-workers we deal with that if she didn't shut up for five minutes, I was going to take her and shove her into a frying vat in the kitchen. I said she had laughed and told me she wouldn't fit. I had told her I only need her feet and legs to fit since I wasn't aiming to kill her. I was joking of course and even though she's a snotty, pretentious bitch she went along with it and said she'd have to take her shoes off first since she didn't want her new shoes getting ruined. The only thing I like about that girl is that my odd and sometimes morbid sense of humor doesn't go over her head and doesn't scare her. Sometimes, she even says shit that's beyond what I would think up. Too bad she's such a snotty know it all I'm better than everyone bitch, otherwise we might be able to get along better and I wouldn't ever feel the urge to smash her head into the side of the building. I digress. After guy 2 and I mentioned these things, guy 1 just looked at us both and said we were nuts. Guy 2 shrugged and I said I couldn't argue that. Guy 1 laughed and said at least we knew we were nuts so that probably meant we were more sane than most people. I asked him why he thought that. He said it was a line from a movie and he wasn't sure what it meant, just that it sounded appropriate. Our assistant manager that night jumped in and started talking about torture devices that they used to use "back in the day" which is funny. He's 33 but talks about shit from the 1800's like he was there and saw it all go down. Myself and Guy 2 started talking about some torture devices we knew of. Then Guy 2 told a story about a friend of his slicing open the heel of his foot with a sheet of metal in metal shop. OUCH anyone? Yeah, I think so. I find all of that stuff interesting. I find the minds of serial killers to be quite interesting too. It doesn't mean I'll turn in to one. It doesn't mean I'd ever torture anyone. I'd never stick a person into 350 degree boiling oil. Just because I think of something doesn't mean I'm going to do it. I know in my heart, I'd never hurt anyone unless I had an extremely good reason to or if it were self defense and I had no other option.
Something interesting I also found out was that though Guy 1 is freaked out by the scenes in the movies because it unnerves him that "normal" people can think these things up, he has a fascination with fictional books regarding murder. I asked him if he ever read true crime books and he said no, only the fiction. I asked him why it didn't unnerve him to read about fictional murder but fictional torture bothered him. He thought about it a few minutes and then said it was because murder was quicker usually. Even if the murderer tortured the person before killing them, at least it was quicker than spending hours torturing someone to break them down and eventually torturing them to their death. He figures either way, they're murderers all the same but at least murder without torture is less cruel. I just nodded and was actually surprised that he had an answer for that. Usually when he talks about stuff, he can say what he believes or doesn't believe but never can explain why. So that was cool coming from him. Then I turned the tables a little on him and asked him if he thought it was weird he enjoyed books like that even though he wouldn't murder anyone. He laughed and said that made him feel like a hypocrite since he got weirded out by shit people think up for movies. I said I hadn't meant to make him feel like a hypocrite but he said it was cool and not to worry about it. Said he'd never compared the two before. That was definitely the most interesting part of the work night though, lol. After that, we moved on from that shit to more pleasant talk and casual bullshit.
Random: I hate getting dressed just after a shower. Even if I open the bathroom window to let cool air in, I still have to wait a few minutes to get dressed. I hate being mostly dry and having my clothing sticking to my skin as I'm trying to pull it into place. I always feel like my clothes are attempting to smother and strangle that part of my body. If I don't open the window and let cool air in and let the warm air out, I have to go sit in a different room for a few moments wrapped up in a dry towel to let the moisture dry up completely, lol.
I'm almost done now. I think. I need to get the rest of the flickr invites sent out. Thanks so much for all the HNT comments! It will take me the rest of the weekend to visit the people I missed but who stopped by here, lol.
Last, you have to watch this, lol. It's Green Jello. Classified under metal, punk and comedy. This song is a rendition of the Three Little Pigs. Yeah, the three little pigs and the big bad wolf. Huff and puff and fucking blowing houses down. All that shit. I don't know if I like this song or not. I can't decide. I don't hate it but I don't love it. I'm just, indifferent about it. It kind of amuses me though. Especially when they get to the "not by the hair on my chinny chin chin" part, haha. Give it a listen. :)
I hate to sound pompous or pretentious because I'm neither thing but I could not care less if what I post bothers someone reading most of the time. I write openly about pretty much everything. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't read it. I write weird things. I write about sex and my bisexuality. I post pictures on Thursday that wouldn't garner a PG-13 rating.If you don't like what you see here, turn your little (or big as the case may be) ass around and move on down the metaphoric road. I don't see the point in complaining to someone about what they post on their blog. It seems absurd to me. There are millions of other blogs out there. Go find one you enjoy and stay away from ones you don't. You can like or dislike what I post until the sun goes down and the earth stands still, that's your thing and I don't care. I don't expect everyone to like me in real life and don't expect that here either. I enjoy comments and I also enjoy constructive feedback. I don't enjoy completely negative emails written in an insulting manner. You choose to come here and read. If you don't like what you see, make your exit and don't come back. Being insulting and bitching about it is unnecessary and will probably just get you ignored also. =)
Moving on.... I think I got all the Flickr invites sent out. If I said I would send you one but haven't yet, I suck because I forgot, lol. So email me again if I missed you since I think I'm done but have the feeling I've forgotten someone, lol. If you missed that post then check it out and if you're interested, email me. Please don't be offended if I say no though. It was the same when I had put my blog on private, all kinds of folks coming out of the woodwork that I never knew existed and had never once heard of popping up. If you email me for an invite, make sure to tell me who you are please. :)
Though I think I might just make everything private to friends only and then make my 365 project as the only public thing. My 365 project is where I am going to take a picture and upload it every day for a fully 365 days. Sometimes it's a picture of me, other times I've something I've done or seen. I'm only 7 days into it, 8 after today but I haven't missed anything yet. It'll be interesting to see how long I keep up with it. Or how long it takes me to run out of inspiration.
I'm so excited! I've began writing again, away from this blog. I'll post bits and pieces here once I get a little more done. Actually, I've already posted a few bits and pieces that will be in. Y'all just don't realize it. Though I should post a copyright button somewhere. I don't think anyone would steal anything I post but just in case I suppose. I'm so excited though. I started this project 10 months ago and completely lost interest in it. Interest picked back up but after losing several writing competitions, I felt defeated and like I just didn't have what it would take. I gave up and got angry with myself for giving up but at the same time, with things going the way they were and feeling the way I was all the time, I just didn't care. I'm changing slowly and I'm doing better with things. I still have a ways to go before being close to where I want to do but I'm doing better. Which I have my boyfriend, some real life friends and some blogger people to thank for this. My boyfriend helps me more than anyone will ever know and I love him for that. I'll take a little bit of change that escapes most peoples notice over nothing at all. Back to my point! I've regained my interest in my book project and I'm actually working on it again. :) Not only that but I'm happy with the material I have so far. So yay. Here's hoping the next time I slip, I don't allow myself to slide so far down again.
I blog because it's a hobby. A creative outlet. To vent and bitch when I have no one else I want to vent and bitch to. To connect with like minded people that I would have otherwise never knew existed.
2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back?
Jon Galt. I picked him because he was the first person I thought of, lol. Really, I wouldn't want anyone coming back unless it suited them and they wanted to. I can respect that people quit blogging for various reasons. Moving on, no longer needing it, it hurting their real life, etc etc.
3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?
I never make them. I make changes and try to do better all year round. If I know I need to focus on being more productive, I work on that then. If I know I need to try to control my temper better, I start trying to do it when I realize it's becoming a big issue again. If I want to quit smoking, I know I need to do it sooner rather than later.
4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.
I couldn't care less about some lights. It's kind of cool to drive around at night and still see some houses with dangling lights. Now the ones who have their front yards still full of snowmen cutouts, Santa's sleigh complete with reindeer, candy canes and all the other festive cutouts and inflatable things? Maybe they're lazy but then if they have their yards all decked out, they weren't too lazy to do it so they'll get to it when they get to it. They may just be busy. Maybe they're waiting for something such as a relative to come back from the military to see the display and to open gifts. I have a friend who's waiting until her hubby gets home on the 21st to take their outside and inside decorations down. Maybe they have a certain date they take it all down for a different reason. Maybe they're just lazy and not looking forward to the work so they're putting it off. Not my business and really I'm probably not going to think anymore about it once I'm on down the road a few minutes later. Actually, this question marks the first time I've ever even thought about it I think, lol. I don't care either way, not my business.
5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head?
I HATE THIS SONG! Here you go. :)
6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?
Yes and yes. I don't care for it, on me or eating it off someone else. It does nothing for me because it gets sticky in a bad way and doesn't taste that good either. I just don't have any fun with them. I'll pass... unless you're talking Candy Necklace Underwear, then those I like. They're fun but a little bit of a pain when they break, lol.
*Bonus* If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?
My automatic response would be to rob a bank and take care of myself financially. New place to live, new car, take care of the medical work I need done, pay some schooling and take care of some other things I need to take care of. Give some money to everyone in my family and to my boyfriend and his mom and grandmother. Of course, I'm getting away with it physically but I think in the ways of karma, I'd be fucked 10 ways to Sunday and not in any kind of pleasurable way. Also, I'd never rob anyone. I was in an armed robbery when I was a manager in a fast food restaurant a few years ago. I was the one surrounded by people with the guns pointed at me. No way would I ever put someone through that knowing what it's taken me to get over that having happened to me. So even though hypothetically, it's fun to think about, if I ever had the chance to really pull off one bad thing and not physically get caught, I'd pass. Though in the spirit of the question being hypothetical and fun.... I'm finding a way to get a truckload of money without hurting anyone and doing everything I listed plus traveling around to some places I'd like to see. Woohoo.
I woke up as the annoying music of my cell phone's alarm clock began trilling at me. I picked the most annoying chirpy song because I knew I wouldn't sleep through it. That's the good thing. The bad thing is it is one of the most annoying sounds in the world. I groaned and rolled over, snatching my cell off my pillow to shut it off. I closed my eyes as I rolled onto my back and stretched my arms above my head, feeling the muscles pull. I arched my back and stretched the rest of my body out. I pushed my eyelids up even though I really wanted to keep them shut and curl back up under the comforter and sleep another hour or two. I looked lazily upwards towards the ceiling and then shut my eyes again only for the briefest moment. My eyelids flew open then, seemingly doing a double take. There was a face in the ceiling, staring down at me. I rubbed my eyes roughly, thinking I must be hallucinating or decidedly more tired and sleep deprived than I thought. I shook my head from side to side and focused on the ceiling. The face grinned at me and began giggling like a little child. I cocked my head to the side and watched the face. I noticed the neck was adorned with a silver choker with a ruby in the center. I could only see the shoulders and then it was nothing below that. Dark curly hair draped the shoulders and glittering green eyes peered down at me in amusement. I laid there wondering if I should say something. Does it make me crazy seeing faces in my ceiling? What about those faces laughing at me? Or wanting to talk to them and see if they're really there? It laughed again, a light tinkling sound. I closed my eyes again and counted to ten. I pinched my arm roughly. I must be dreaming, that's the only explanation of course. I pinched my arm roughly again and opened my eyes. The head and shoulders where still there, smiling down at me, looking even more amused than she had previously been. I slapped my cheeks lightly a few times thinking that must be the trick to make myself wake up.
"Silly girl," the face called down to me, "stop hurting yourself. You're not in a dream and nor am I a hallucination or figment in your imagination."
I stared up at the women in my ceiling again, perplexed.
She laughed again, that light sound of glass gently hitting other glass. "Did you not want to ask me what I am? As you laid there, pondering if you were mad or still sleeping? Do you not want to know who I am?"
I slowly sat up in bad and pushed my back against the wall. This was the weirdest thing I've ever had happen and I've had some definite oddities occur in my life up to this day. "I want to know what you are more than I want to know who you are."
She nodded, once, curls falling slightly forward. Her eyes grew a darker shade of green and just a hint of amusement slipped from her pale face. "What I am isn't what is important, child. Who I am is what is important. What I want from you is even more important. Your cooperation, or lack of, will be what is most important of all."
"Okay. So who are you?"
She grinned at me again. Hands came to push the curls from her shoulders and she began clapping and chanting. I couldn't tell you what it was she chanted because I couldn't understand. I covered my ears and she chanted louder. I got up and tried to move away but my feet stuck to the carpet. I glanced up. She was still clapping but had stopped chanting to laugh at me. I glowered at her. Suddenly, I was floating up into the air. I was moving towards the face in the ceiling. I tried to push myself back down but I didn't have the ability to. My head hit the ceiling and I screamed. I pushed at the ceiling. She laughed once more and then my hands slipped through the tough texture of the ceiling and I felt as if I were being pulled through entirely.
I found myself standing on something solid. I looked down and found myself on solid ground. I had expected to look down and see pipe, wood, metal and insulation. I had expected to be in the attack or stuck in the wall. I didn't expect to look down and see bright green grass, crisp and crunchy underneath my bare feet. I looked around, hoping to see the strange floating face. At least then, I would recognize one thing around me. I didn't see her anywhere and didn't recognize a damn thing around me. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue with thin, wispy violet colored clouds moving lazily about. I stood there for the longest time, staring in amazement at the color and the movement of the clouds. It was strange but pretty. I moved off the hill I was standing on and moved down to the road. On one side, I saw small houses made of brightly colored materials. Red houses with orange doors. Purple houses with yellow doors. Blue houses with green doors. All of them with black trim and black shutters around the tiny square windows. Each house had a small driveway and they were all white and sparkling even though I didn't see the sun shining anywhere to reflect light. Yellow, black and hot pink flowers were in the gardens of each house. On the other side, there was a forest. The trees were white, red and purple. Leaves were falling slowly from some of the trees in vibrant orange and the palest pink. The branches swayed slowly though I felt no wind. I noticed small bushes here and there. White in color with purple blooms. I began walking and wondered why I hadn't seen anyone yet. The road I was moving on was the only one here and it led between the houses and the forest. I walked passed several houses, looking at them to see if I could see anyone. I didn't. I walked past ten homes before I stopped. There was a strange looking little creature in the window of one of the houses. It was orange and looked like a cross between a squirrel and a kitten. It saw me and quickly glided down from the window before running away, across the road and into the forest. I shrugged and decided to approach the house. I knocked on the door and realized that I was taller than the door by about a foot. Strange. I heard movement inside vaguely but no one answered. I walked back down the drive and started walking again. The rode widened the the forest gave way into shops. A bookstore was first and I saw people in there. I went to the window and realized they weren't people but wasn't quite sure what they were. The next shop was a blacksmith, then a bakery, then a locksmith, a shoe store, a tailor and a candy making shop. The houses on the other side still continued on. Strange. I looked inside all the shops and saw the strange looking little beings in each of them. None of them noticed me. I wondered if they could see me? I made my way back to the bakery and opened the door. I was only half a foot taller than this door so it took a little effort to get inside. I had to stay hunched down inside, the ceiling wasn't any higher in there. The little beings turned around and stared at me. The plump one with the tangerine hair tied up in a bun let out a scream and then bowed down in front of me. The others followed her lead, laying down on hands and knees and bowing before me.
"Don't do that please," I requested.
The one with the tangerine hair looked up at me, seemingly confused. Her eyes were oval shaped and very blue. "My lady, we have to."
"I don't understand. I don't even know where I am."
A male with a shock of lime green hair peered up at me. "Surely you don't mean that, do you?"
I sighed, getting irritated. "I mean that. I have no clue where I am or what I'm doing here."
They all rose and looked at each other nervously. A female with burgundy colored hair ran to the back and brought a mirror with her. She approached me slowly, as if she were afraid of me. She kneeled in front of me, holding the mirror out to me, her eyes not daring to meet me. I took the mirror and looked at my reflection. I was surprised and confused by what I saw. The face that had been in my ceiling stared back up at me.
"This... this isn't.... I'm not... this isn't me!"
I stared into the mirror again, perplexed by what was staring back at me. Suddenly, the reflection in the mirror began to giggle at me. It startled me and I almost dropped the mirror.
"What the hell is going on?" I demanded of the reflection.
"Silly girl. I already told you!" Giggling and tossing her head back, she disappeared from the mirror and my own face appeared. I handed the mirror back to one of the females. I tried asking questions but they were ignored. The small beings stayed kneeling on the floor, refusing to meet my gaze and ignoring the questions. I gave up and crawled out the door. I sat down outside, pressing my back against the front door of the bakery. I heard them began to move in there again after a few minutes. I got up and started wandering around again. I walked further on, seeing more brightly colored houses and shops on either side of me.
I passed a statue of a unicorn and paused. It was yellow with purple detail. It seemed to be glowing. I moved my hand in front of it, meaning to touch it but I couldn't. I tried harder and couldn't get my hand to the surface. It was like some kind of unseen barrier rested around it, preventing anyone (at least me) from touching it. I walked on. It began to rain a few minutes later. The sky hadn't darkened and the clouds hadn't changed. The raindrops were a very pale purple color and so large you could almost see through them before they splattered to the ground. I walked quicker, my clothing going went and bare feet sliding along the road. I slipped and fell, sliding along the path a few feet before stopping. I pushed myself back up and moved on again, more careful in my movement. A few yards further and I slipped again. Falling slowly and then sliding along the moment my body hit the ground. I tried to stop but couldn't. I tried to grab on to something but everything slipped from my grip as soon as I touched it. I slid for miles and then suddenly, everything around me was dark. It was as if a switch had been thrown causing all the color to drain away from this world I was in. I kept sliding in darkness and felt myself wanting to scream. I couldn't though. I wouldn't let myself. I abruptly came to a stop, slamming into something solid and cold.
I laid there a few moments, catching my breath and trying to calm myself. I heard a faint growling noise. It seemed to be far in the distance but I didn't want to chance it. I quietly got to my feet and felt along the hard surface. It was cold and smooth. I felt my way along, taking timid steps, unsure of the ground beneath my feet. The only sounds I heard was the water falling from me hitting the smooth pavement beneath my feet and that faint growling that had to be far away. I came to a dent in the surface and pushed into it. It budged slightly and I hoped for a door. I pushed harder and almost fell on my ass. I regained my balance and pushed with all my weight. The dent gave way even more, enough that light began to filter in through the slight opening. I pushed putting all I could into it and within minutes, I had it moved enough to slip through.
I found myself standing in the middle of a graveyard in broad daylight. I looked behind me to see what I had come through but the only thing behind me now was a large oak tree. I was happy to see the boring normal color that an oak tree should be. I moved from the graveyard carefully. I made my way towards a gate and noticed someone standing there, leaning against a tree with their back to me. He was dressed in black from head to toe as far as I could see. I moved quietly, trying not to crunch leaves or grass, hoping like hell he (whoever he was) wouldn't notice me. I hid behind a large tree just to the right side of him, wondering how I would make it out without him noticing me.
"Silly girl," he said in a low, gravelly voice with a Southern twang, "if you want to get out of this alive, you need to stop creeping around behind trees and get a move on."
I stepped out and peered cautiously at him. "Who are you?" I asked.
He turned to face me. He had a scar along his left cheek bone and another scar cut in a jagged line across his forehead. White scraggly hair poked out from his large black hat. He looked me up and down and then snapped once at me. I felt the wind get knocked out of me and I fell to the ground. He threw a snake at me as I sat on the ground, pulling wind back into my lungs. I freaked out and tried to scream but the snake crawled inside my mouth to silence me. I felt panicked but couldn't move, couldn't scream, couldn't do anything. He snapped again and the snake was gone. I stood up quickly and felt heavier. I looked at my arms and noticed they were covered in clothing. I had on a black trench coat, black pants, black shirt and black boots. I stood there, amazed and then I looked at the man who was regarding me carefully. "Who are you?" I asked again.
"Not important girl. You need to move it. You'll never make it out alive if you don't run."
"What am I running from? What's going on?"
"GET OUT OF HERE!"
I ran away, jumping the gate and fleeing the cemetery. I was running along a beach now, which was no easy task. I was running towards a castle. I didn't know why but it seemed like that was what I was supposed to be doing. I got there and the sand turned to grass. I crouched down behind a huge rock. I looked around, totally unsure of what I was doing. Just then, something zoomed by my face and I realized I was being shot at. I jumped up and began to run and gun shots rang out. I did front flips as I ran to miss bullets. I ran into a cave and leaned against the wall to breathe a sigh of relief.
It didn't last long. The cave suddenly filled with light and the face from my ceiling and a mermaid came into the light. They were grinning at me, their faces giving away the ill intent they had in coming in to find me. I ran like hell and found myself crawling out a hole in the back of the cave. When I made it through, I was in a baseball dugout in the middle of a Yankees game. I ran out of the dugout and onto the field. I ran towards center field and jumped the wall, up into the seats, bounding up the stairs and reaching the top of the stadium. I jumped off the top of the stadium and found myself using the trench coat to help me sore to the ground. I hit the pavement running and found myself weaving in and out of cars moving along the street. Horns blared, obscenities were shouted and I kept running. I never thought to look over my shoulder once. I just kept pushing myself to move faster and get further and further away.
A truck turned out of a warehouse as I was rushing in front of it and almost ran me down. The driver slammed on the brakes and leaned out the window, shouting at me in Greek. I stopped and turned briefly, Greek apologies flying out of my mouth. I turned to run again and vaguely wondered how the hell I knew how to say anything in Greek.
I turned down another busy street and had to jump every few feet to miss hitting one of the turtles that was laying on the concrete. There were turtles every where and I was having trouble missing them. I stopped and ran into a coffee shop. I slammed the front door behind me and everyone turned to stare. I smiled and apologized. I moved to the counter and ordered a cup of tea and a muffin. The girl opened the register but didn't take any money from me. Instead, she handed me a twenty dollar bill before cheerfully telling me to take a seat and she would bring me my order. I shrugged and moved to a table to wait. She brought me coffee and a cupcake to the table. I shrugged and ate the cupcake anyway before sipping the coffee slowly.
As I was almost finished, something behind me covered my eyes and mouth and pulled me away from the table. I kicked my legs and swung my arms around wildy but never connected with anything. I felt a forked tongue slide along the side of my face and I tried to scream. The thing holding my mouth laughed and I tried again to pull away. Suddenly, there was a gunshot and then I felt a warm liquid ooze down on to me just before my captor fell away. I turned around and saw nothing there but a puddle of lime green with yellow swirls on the ground, smoke rising and letting off a foul odor. I looked around but everyone was acting normal, as if nothing had happened. I shrugged and started running again. I wasn't going to stop this time, keeping the strange man from the cemetary's words in mind. I didn't know where I was running to but I wasn't stopping until I got there.
I turned onto another busy street and ran down the sidewalk, dodging people and stray cats as I went. The harder I pushed myself, the more I felt like I was gliding instead of running. It was strange but relieving at the same time. My legs ached and my sides burned. I wanted to quit. I wanted to stop. To rest for only a few minutes. So I did. I stopped next to a guy playing a baby grand piano along the sidewalk. A jar sitting beside him full of change and dollar bills. He played beautifully. I was so tired. I felt myself nodding off and in moments, I was asleep.
I woke up to the annoying sound of my cell phone's alarm clock trilling at me. The tone I selected is the loudest, most obnoxious one on there. No way could I sleep through that noise and I always tried to get it turned off as quickly as I could. I groaned, rolling over to shut the damn thing off and decided I didn't want to get up just yet. I turned it off and rolled back over, closing my eyes and drifting back off to sleep.
Something I get asked about a lot from people out there in blogger land is what I use on my lips and if I do anything special to them. Apparently, they tend to look so soft and kissable in pictures. I'm not sure how they look soft or kissable but whatever, I don't mind the compliments. Plus, it might be weird if I looked at my lips and thought I'd like kissing on them. I'm not that narcissistic. However the soft part I buy because, well, they are soft. What's funny though is you wouldn't probably ever guess that I have the tendency to chew on my lower lip ALL THE DAMN TIME. I don't mean once in a while I nibble on it a bit either. I mean I suck my lower lip into my mouth and bite on it repeatedly for minutes on end, several times a day. I do it whenever I'm thinking heavily about something or when something perplexes me. I think a lot so I tend to bite on my lips quite a lot as well. My boyfriend loves to nag at me to quit it because I've been known to pull skin off my lips because I bit too much. It's nothing so bad that a little special loving care won't fix though, as you can see. So people ask me what I use and what I do. I used to like Carmex but that stuff doesn't do the trick for me and never really did much other than make me not want to bite on my lips because the smell is gross. I'm not a ChapStick fan either. I won't even list the others I've tried and wanted my money back on, lol. What I do love is A Kiss of Relief SOS Lip Care by Nivea. I use that for when I've done too much chewing on my lips. When my lips are feeling dry and need a bit more moisture, I like using A Kiss Of Moisture Hydrating Lip Care by Nivea. And the third I use for just lip balm is Blistex Silk & Shine. Other than that, I don't do anything special. Other than try to bite and chew on my lips a little less, lol. Which is difficult because I do it without even realizing so I have to catch myself doing it and then stop.
I started a flickr account recently and have been having fun uploading pictures and creating sets. I've decided I'm going to pull a Rage (thanks for the idea!) and share it with some folks. Some sets will be only for me to see and only so I can have the pictures stored somewhere other than my computer. Most of them won't be open to the public though, sorry. So just as Rage did, my rule is that to see it, you have to be a solid reader whom I already know be it because you comment or email me. Based on my site stat counter, I get 90+ unique visits a day and usually over 130 hits per day. Most of you, I have no clue who you are so even though I know there are some who have followed me for quite some time... sorry. =) So, if interested, email me or leave a comment. =)
I'm also thinking about moving my blog to Wordpress. Or somewhere else. I like that with Wordpress you can do password protected posts and only people you give the password to can see them. Though blogging is a public forum, there are still some things I'd like to say and say them knowing who is going to see them and who isn't. I don't know though. It seems like a lot of work to move the blogs over and I don't honestly understand how Wordpress works. Then again, I haven't really messed with it much. I'm a smart girl, I'm sure I could figure it out. Just depends if I decide to do it or not.
I'm also proud of myself. One of the things I promised myself I would work on last year has improved. I don't make resolutions. If a change needs to be made, I likely know it before the end of the year and feel it should be started as soon as I can. So something I decided to work on last year was to learn to keep my mouth shut. Let me explain, lol. I can be a very stubborn and very outspoken person. I'm also rather blunt and also a little on the impulsive side. I also tend to speak first and think second. I'm blunt and shit just comes out without a lot of thought. I generally do mean what I say but later, I find some things shouldn't have been said or some things could have been worded differently. So I decided last year to make a conscious effort to learn when to say something and when to keep my mouth shut. Either to avoid an unnecessary and ultimately pointless conflicted turned argument or to avoid someone hurt feelings over something so minute that it wouldn't be worth hurting their feelings over. I doubt it's noticeable to anyone but me but over the last 5 months, I've done better about this. I didn't learn to sugarcoat or any crap like that, lol. I just try to figure out when to hold my tongue (which is hard as hell at times!) and when to go ahead and let it roll. I notice that I think more before I open my mouth sometimes now so that's an improvement and something I'm proud of myself for. =)
There are other things I'm trying to work on too but we'll save that for another post on another day at another place. ;)
Wednesday Weirdness is tomorrow. Don't forget to come by and play with us. ASM is posing the questions I believe this week. I should check. I did last week so I know at least I don't need to hurry up here and get to thinking on something for over there, lol. I think people would be screwed this Wednesday because I'm so tired right now, I doubt if I would come up with anything creative at all, heh.
I got another email from a friend of mine today. I feel so bad for her because she's so down and hurting so much right now. I covered why else where but couldn't write about it here. She isn't the type to be comforted by words. She finds comfort in the physical. Even if it's only a group of people sitting around, quietly, watching a couple movies. Words, not so much. She's not a big talker but I can't offer her more than words right now since I'm 2,000 miles away from her. Which sucks because I feel helpless and I absolutely hate that. She knows I care though so that's the best I can do and I know she appreciates my efforts, which in turn makes me feel a little better.
So TMI Tuesday isn't up yet and I was actually contemplating playing today if the questions amused me enough. I rarely play that anymore actually because I don't want too many memes cluttering up my blog space and I have MySpace for posting useless crap in blogs, lol. ;) I can't resist the question and answer stuff. Not because I don't have things to say because I have plenty to say but usually they pose questions on things I wouldn't think to write about. Plus, it's cool to see how other people answered questions and see who answered in similar fashion and sometimes even gain new perspective on something. Be it trivial or not. It's fun. =) I might check back later to see if TMI is up but I doubt it, lol. This post is fucking long enough already.
Opeth is one of my favorite bands. I *love* them but a lot of you know that already since I've posted song and video of them before not to mention the numerous times I've mentioned how much I dig them on here before. I picked this song because it's been stuck in my head here recently.
Okay, so I'm not doubting that the ShamWow is an awesome product. I wouldn't know if it rocks or if it sucks or if it's only mediocre at best. Whatever, I couldn't care less any way you slice it. I have to admit though, after the first time of seeing the commercial and understanding what the product was all about? I turn off, mute or flat ignore the commercial when it comes on now. The ShamWow Guy has such an annoying voice. I know he doesn't give a shit what me or any other person thinks about him or his voice but seriously, GAH! Although as far as infomercials guys go, he still doesn't annoy me half as bad as Billy Mays does. Luckily, I don't watch a lot of TV so I don't get the chance to have to turn off or mute annoying shit I don't want to listen to.
So speaking of TV... The Stars played Vancouver last night and won in a shoot out! Hell yes. I didn't see the game. I was at work. We recorded the game with the DVR and I got to watch it late after work. There were some great goals made! There was also some really good looking saves made. By both goalies. I always get nervous in a shoot out because it's just kind of nerve wracking. I can't imagine how it is for the players and coaches but I know I sit there, holding my breath as each player starts off down the ice for their shot. The Stars won though so YAY. I love hockey.
Boyfriend and I had a strange talk about relationships on the drive home from work. It was after midnight my time, after 2 AM his time and well passed his bed time, lol. He has to be up any time between 6 AM and 8 AM for his job so he shouldn't be up that late. However, we had been talking on my lunch break and I took something he said wrong and got upset by it. It was hard to finish work because I couldn't stop mulling over what was said and trying to take the sting out of the words but it wasn't working. It hurt and I was upset and pissed off. So three minutes to close, my phone rings and my boyfriend is calling me. I almost ignored the call but I answered anyway because it would be shitty to ignore him given I was certain he was awake to talk to me about him upsetting me. Which I was right about. He apologized and explained to me what he had really meant. Then we had a lengthy discussion about relationships and how I'm different than any girl he's ever known and yadda yadda yadda. There were some interesting points though and it was a great discussion. I didn't feel hurt or upset any longer mid-way through either because I realized he hadn't meant anything as it had sounded or as I had taken it. We also got another of my confusions covered and traded in for some understanding. Then he needed to pass out and get some sleep so we said goodnight.
I have a love/hate relationship with Stephen King novels. I know, random to throw in after that but whatever, it's what I do. I'm reading "Insomnia" by King currently. I've read most of his books at least once and tons of them twice or more. I love his books. My love/hate relationships comes in because I love to read them so much that I hate to put them down. Which sucks sometimes because I start reading and say I'll finish X amount of pages or get to X and then stop reading. Then I can go on and do laundry or start getting ready for work. X comes and then I'm so interested and sucked into what's happening in the book, I keep going right on by X. Then I stop and say I'll get to Y and stop reading there. Y comes and Y goes. An hour later, I'm rushing around trying t get ready for work because I couldn't put the fucking book down. I do this with other authors too. I love to read. I love to read more than watching tv but honestly I don't dig much that comes on television that isn't informational, medical, sports or one of the few shows I totally love. Though I haven't seen House in FOREVER. I digress. I love reading which is one of the main attraction blogging has to me. There is so much out there to read regarding so many different subjects and from so many points of view. It's amazing and I love the internet for it. Still, there's nothing quite like a good book for me. I get bored or reading blogs online after so many. I could spend hours, planted in place with a book in hand only breaking for refreshment and to visit to bathroom as needed. I love to escape into the pages and ponder about what I would do if faced with such things. Take a scene from the King book I'm reading now for instance. If I ever happened upon a loved one burried up to the neck in sand on the beach and black insects began pouring out of their eyes and mouth before splitting open the skull, I doubt that I'd stand there in horror and watch it all. I might run away, stumbling and pushing myself to get as far away as quickly as I could. I might scream in terrified horror and start kicking and slapping at the things in some vague and ultimately pointless attempt to save my loved one. I might stand there, shocked and momentarily horrified before turning to run away like a chicken. Of course that's insanely unlikely to ever happen but it's fun to think about for me and part of my enjoyment in fictional books. =)
My friend SS* is an incredibly amazing person. She is a wonderful friend. If I need an ear she is there. If I need a laugh, she can provide one anytime. She can pull jokes or silly anecdotes out of her ass, I swear. She is beautiful, inside and out. She is strong and courageous. She works hard. She is a single mother and an absolutely fantastic mom to her adorable little boy. She goes without a lot to be able to give him what he needs but she never complains about it. SS is working on getting a better job. She's gone through several interviews for amazing jobs in her chosen career path and she gets to the final round of her interviewing processes but so far, hasn't made it to the podium, so to speak. She has an amazing opportunity right now. She's made it again to the final round in the process. There's X amount of jobs available with this known** company and 30 people they're spending a week going over before making the final calls of "welcome aboard" or "sorry but you're ultimately just not what we're looking for." SS really wants this job and I think it would be fantastic for her. She deserves something to go her way and I hope she gets it. If you pray, please pray for her. If you believe in good energy, send some her way. If you believe in positive thinking, think a little something nice for her. Whatever it is you believe in, send some good SS's way. Please and thank you. *grin*
