A place where I let some of the things running around my mind out to play.
Sexuality, sports, baking, random nonsense, mental health and whatever else I feel compelled to write about.
Secret #1: I’m in love with my best friends boyfriend.
Secret #2: I post pictures of his cock on the internet even though he's asked me not to. I freak out when he uses my desktop because I fear he'll look through the history and see what I'm doing. It's such a magnificent cock though! It NEEDS to be seen.
Secret #3: I hate all the attention you get just because you're sick. I wish you would get over your depression so people would stop feeling so bad for you and showering you with attention, affection and gifts.
Secret #4: When I see people on Twitter flirting with so many different people, it makes me roll my eyes. I feel bad for them for needing so much attention and validation that they'll flirt and act coy with people on the internet that they're not even attracted to in some cases just for the attention. It's pitiful.
Secret #5: I want you to stop doing drugs. I wish you wanted to stop. It hurts to see you so fucked up all the time. I just want you to be healthy and happy. I know you're not..... :(
Secret #6: Most girls want to be that girl in the Fairy Tale Romance movie. I always thought it would be cooler to be the girl a guy wrote an awesome love song about.
Secret #7: I masturbate to the Disney movies Cinderella and The Little Mermaid. I did once to Beauty and the Beast with Belle but it's not as good as Cinderella or Ariel.
Secret #8: I made out with him but all I could think about was you. I miss you.
Secret #9: I think about you all of the time. It makes me want to cry knowing you never think about me.
Secret #10: Sometimes, when we're having sex, I fantasize about fucking Elton John. I know he's gay but I would hit that all night long.
Secret #11: Two packages of Ex Lax, cupcake mix and chocolate frosting. I hope you didn't share those special cupcakes with anyone, you selfish bastard because you're the only one who deserved some gentle relief. That's for cheating on me. I hope you had her over when it hit you and you had to shit your guts out. I take it back, I hope you shared the special cupcakes with at least her. Fuck you both.
Secret #12: I want to have a threesome with Brandon Boyd and Jared Leto. By the way.... If that happened it would be a MMM threesome.
Secret #13: I'm lesbian and I have a massive crush on my older brothers girlfriend. She told me she is bisexual and that she is allowed to fool around with girls. She wants to fool around with me but I'd feel awkward knowing she would fool around with me and then go fool around with my older brother. Or vice versa.
Secret #14: I sometimes think of all the vicious and mean things I'd like to say to you but I always keep them in my head only. Sometimes I want to say mean things just to hurt you to get back at you for some of the times you've hurt me. I could rip you to shreds with words but I hold my tongue well.
Secret #15:I want to be the meat in a Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles sandwich. I need some secrets for my Saturday posts. :D If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets posts. ;)
I think I look pretty snazzy in huge glasses with a very large nose and a decent looking mustache. Don't you? Probably not but that's cool, lol.
I like to do goofy things. Not for attention but to make people laugh. I don't care about getting the attention. My goal is to always make people around me smile or laugh or at least be mildly amused by my ridiculousness. I like my environment to stay fun, laid back and happy as much as possible. I like to help achieve that by acting... well, like I do. :D
Also, I realized I still had not posted any shots of my new hair style courtesy of (one of) my awesome best friends hooking me up with a cut and color from the comfort of my own home. So, here's a good little preview of what my hair looks like now.
For some "before" shots of what my hair was looking like color and length wise? Here for the length. Here and here for the color. My hair was quite a ways down my back. When Fangs cut it, he took a little more than 5 inches off of the longest layer. It feels so much lighter now. My hair was so long and heavy. In this summer heat and humidity? IT WAS KILLING ME. Lol. I'm also happy with the color. After I find out about my new job's policy about hair coloring, I might look into adding some color to it. :D Or, I might just leave it as is since I do like this color and there are some red tones through out it.
Moving on...... Thanks to everyone for all the comments on yesterday's post. I did appreciate all the advice on how to get some clothes.
When I talk about having mostly only guy friends, I'm seriously not joking. My two best female friends? One lives close to San Jose, CA and the other lives in Las Vegas. Those were both chicks I met when I lived and worked in CA. Here? I don't have any female friends I'm close with or that I even talk to or see on a regular basis. All of my friends that I'm close with and see a lot on a regular basis are guys. I do have a couple female friends but they're not close to the size I wear and I'm not good enough friends with any of them to borrow clothes from them if they were near my size.
Borrowing from family doesn't work either. My parents and siblings live in CA. I have aunts and a few female cousins but one aunt doesn't live at all close to me, the other doesn't live too far away but her clothes wouldn't fit anyway. I have two female cousins and I wouldn't be able to wear their clothes either. I also wouldn't even feel comfortable asking due to the fact that I'm not very close with either of them. I don't even have either of their cell phone numbers to be honest.
I really did appreciate all of the suggestions, though. Thank you! I love that people read my blog and want to offer me up advice when I'm in need of it. Y'all are awesome. And I totally have the information stored away in my mind now if I ever need to know these things again. You never know when things will come in handy. :D
I also didn't have enough money to go buy anything either. I had $11 in my checking account and that's literally all the money I had. I've sold a lot of stuff in the last few months. One to clear out some junk and two because it was money for groceries or other stuff I might have needed. I did have some other stuff I was going to attempt to sale but turns out, I won't need to be doing that. Thankfully. I don't honestly have much stuff as it is, lol. That comes from moving around a lot and wanting to keep everything down to a minimum so I didn't have much to pack and unpack but I digress.
No worries, though. I've got a couple wonderful people that have offered to help me out with some stuff and it'll be enough until I've got some money and can buy some stuff on my own. I'll wait for Monday to post more details on that, though. Mainly because I want to be able to include some pictures of some stuff and give all of the details so I can brag about how awesome some of the people in my life are and this thing has gotten long enough already. I'm totally excited for Monday. I've HATED not working. I started working when I was 13 doing whatever kind of odd stuff I could do to make money and got my first real job at 15 and have worked steadily since then. So not having a job has been killing me. Not having money sucks and makes living hard. Being at home most of the time ( drives me nuts) and not doing much fun and not seeing my friends has sucked. Mainly, though? I just really love to work and love how productive and happy I feel when I'm working. Not having that has been really bad for my mental and emotional well being and I've been far more unhappy, stressed and upset than I've let on. But anyway... like I said, this has gotten long enough already. ;)
Here's a music video. "If You Could Only See" by Tonic. This has been one of my favorite songs for many years.
Check out some other stuff I posted to Twitter via TwitPic. You know, if you want to. ;) There's a couple pictures of an awesome zebra striped hot pink pimp hat plus some other rad stuff.
I NEED SOME SECRETS for my Saturday posts. :D If you want to submit a secret for me to use tomorrow then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it tomorrow. And now, one last picture.... :)
So guess what this chick will be doing on Monday? If you follow me on Twitter or creep on my Twitter, you're not allowed a guess because you probably already saw. :p For anyone who didn't see the tweet, if you guessed I'll be fucking finally starting a new job? YOU GUESSED CORRECTLY!
Finally. *huge sigh of relief* I have less than $20 in my checking account and $0 in my savings account so this couldn't have happened at a more perfect time. Months upon months upon months of interviews and applying for a ridiculous amount of jobs has finally paid off. The only issue I'm going to have is the job requires a wardrobe quite a bit nicer than the one I have. I literally have 2 shirts that I'll be able to wear to this new job and none of my shoes (I have 3 pairs, lol. I'm not a fan of shopping & don't buy a lot in the way of shoes or clothes, obviously, which is kinda biting me in the ass right now but I digress)fit into the dress code I have to go by. So that is going to be a bit of a problem but I'll get it figured out, hopefully. :)
It's a job I think I'm really going to enjoy and moving into a direction I want to go in. Which is nice. I will, for the purposes of safety, won't be saying what I'm doing or where I'll be working. I'm excited, though. :D Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go call my mom and some close friends and tell them that someone finally hired me, lol. Oh and don't worry, this is auto-posting at 6 AM Thursday morning but I wrote the post super early Wednesday evening. So, it's not like I'm calling them ridiculously early (especially my mom, who lives in California, where it would be 4 AM at the time this is auto-posting, lol) to tell them my happy news.
One of my good friends sent me a text message yesterday to ask me a question he had been puzzling over all day. I am going to type this out exactly as the hundred page text message appears on my phone, lol.
"This is going to be several pages long so sorry but at least we both have unlimited text. Now to my point. I had a one night stand with a girl about a month ago. I didn't know her, we agreed to not exchange any contact info because we agreed it was just for the one night. She left at the end of the night and that was that. Then a little more than one month after that night, I ran into her at a bar and we decided to hook up again for one night but again agreed that it was only for the night and again don't exchange any contact info. How do you phrase that? Does it count as a one night stand again even though you've hooked up before? If up until that point I've had 12 one night stands and then after sleeping with her again, is that now 13 one night stands or is it still 12 and I count it as having sex with her twice? Or, since I've slept with her twice, is it no longer a one night stand either time now and now I've only had 11 one night stands instead? I know this seems silly to puzzle over but if a future girlfriend asks me how many one night stands I have had well you know my honesty on the sexual partner subject and I want to be able to give an accurate count. HELP me figure this out please. LOL."
After I read that novel of a text messages, I replied and told him to get a phone that didn't let him type to his heart's content, heh. Then, we discussed this for a little bit but didn't really get anywhere before he had to go to work. So, we're planning on continuing the conversation later on today in an effort on how to best explain this and work the numbers around so he could give an accurate answer and stop pondering about this nonsense.
Now, my whole point in posting this at all is that I want to know what all of YOU think on this. How would you solve this puzzling little phrasing/numbers predicament? If it were you, what would you count it as? Don't be shy, speak up and let us know what you think! Please? :)
I was somewhere Monday and something happened that really annoyed me.
The entrance and the exit to this place are around 20 feet apart. So, people closer to the exit door tend to enter that way a lot of the time because it's just too hard to walk that extra 20 feet to go through the right door. They're not big double doors, just a regular sized door that one person can get through at a time.
I'm coming out the exit door and this woman plows into me. I'm taking a step out the door and she decides to just walk into me. I could have moved to keep her from hitting me if I had craftily jumped out of the way and smashed myself against the door or stumbled backward. Fuck that.
She walks into me and then has the nerve to glare at me and say, "watch where the hell you're walking," acting all indignant and shit. I would have probably just made some sarcastic, bitchy comment and then kept going (I'm prone to not keeping quiet about things, heh), had she not opened her big mouth and said something to me. That, pissed me off. So....
I replied, "walk the extra steps to the actual entrance and you won't be walking into people who are coming out of the door they're supposed to be coming out of. They're labeled enter and exit for a reason, lady."
She got wide eyed, shook her head around a little bit and then replied, "I'll walk into any damn door I fucking please and I don't have to go in the entrance way door if I don't feel like it, why don't you learn to watch where the hell you're going and watch out for other people?"
I replied, "I was watching where I was going. Why don't you learn to walk through the door you're supposed to walk through? And don't act indignant and give me a fucking attitude when I'm walking out the door I'm supposed to and your lazy self comes crashing in to me."
Before she could say anything, the manager came out the door* and asked what was going on. The lady starts ranting and raving about how I wasn't watching where I was going and how I almost killed her because I ran her over in my rush and not paying attention. Blah blah blah.
He asked her if she had been trying to walk in through the exit door when I ran into her and she said, "well, yeah, maybe but so what?"
To which he replied, "then it seems to me you weren't paying attention to where you were going, ma'am. The doors are labeled entrance and exit and if you try to walk into the door people are supposed to be coming out of, you're very likely going to run in to one of them. Next time, please go in through the proper door so we can avoid this kind of incident from happening again."
She scowled at both of us and then stomped off to go through the entrance door mumbling motherfucker this and motherfucker that.
The point of my post is simple. I HATE when people don't go through the right door somewhere, walk into someone AND THEN get an attitude about it like it's the other person's fault. That shit pisses me off. Know what I mean? ;)
Happy Tuesday!
*the exchange took place outside the exit door a little ways because she crashed into me and didn't make it into the store, and I didn't move around to let her by, then we started fussing at each other.
As you may have noticed, the blog looks a little bit differently. ;) I spent some time Saturday doing my layout over, adding tabs, removing junk from the sidebar, adding a chatbox, changing up the color scheme. Blah blah blah. What do you think of it? Yeah, you! I want to know. :)
I found these questions on a tumblr and decided to nab them to do today. I'd link to the Tumblr but it wasn't one I follow and I didn't think to grab the link. :)
1. What did you do last night? Laundry, some cleaning, hung out with myself, played around online, chatted with one of my friends, had dinner with Fangs, watched a movie, went to bed annoyed.
2. What time did you wake up today? 7:45 AM and then went back to sleep. Then got up for real at 10 AM.
3. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 26, next June.
4. Are you picky about spelling and grammar? Yes. :) I'm not obnoxious about it, though.
5. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex? Opposite, definitely.
6. How did you get one of your scars? Drunk driver. You can read about that here, if you want to.
7. Who was the last person you were annoyed with and why? My boyfriend. I'd prefer not to say why.
8. The last three songs you listened to where by who? Bush, The Fray and Amon Amarth.
9. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? Honestly, while it's nice having someone to sleep with every night, I sleep better when I sleep alone.
10. Do you know how to use any word(s) correctly, but not know the meaning? Not that I can think of.
11. Would you like a totally free bright red Porsche? Sure. I'd take it just so I could sell it to be honest, lol. I dislike Porsche's.
12. Would you like to live in California? Been there, done that, wouldn't care to do it again.
13. Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time? Arizona and Hawaii. :)
14. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Ocean. I have weird phobias about lakes. Don't even get me started...
15. Do you wear a lot of black? Around 85% to 90% of my clothes are black. I'm working, slowly, on blending some color in there. Though, that effort has been kind of stalled since I don't have money to buy clothes currently, lol.
16. Can you dive into a pool, lake or other body of water without plugging your nose? Yes.
17. What color is your razor? Green and blue.
18. How do you feel about carrots? I love them!
19. How many chairs at the dinner table? We don't have a dining room table.
20. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme Song? Yes.
21. Did you just start singing or running the words through your head to the theme song to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Yes, lol.
22. Do you like John Mayer's rendition of "Free Fallin'" originally done by Tom Petty? I haven't heard it but since I dislike John Mayer's music/voice I will assume I would not like his version of one of my favorite fucking songs.
23. Would you shave your legs if you didn't have to? No one has to if they don't want to. I, however, would still do it because I hate having body hair.
24. What celebrity gossip shows, websites, magazines, etc do you enjoy? None. I don't keep up with any of it.
Secret #1: I feel like a complete loser because I'm terminally single, I judge my life totally on if I'm with a woman or not, nothing else matters that much to me to be honest. waking up in the morning with someone there makes life worth living, I need that contact so much without it life is shit.
Secret #2: Every time I hear that song, I punch something because it reminds me of you and I'm still angry with you for what you did. Then I punch something again because I'm angry with me for letting you have that kind of power and control over me still.
Secret #3: I'm happy you're a "grower" and not a "shower" because honey if it didn't get any bigger than that, I'd need a new fuck buddy.
Secret #4: Sometimes, I wear my wife's lacy thong panties instead of my boxer briefs. It makes me feel dirty and sexy. She doesn't know and the idea of her catching me is thrilling and scary. What a sexy little rush I get!
Secret #5: I found all of my old Backstreet Boys CD's from when I was a kid in a box hidden away in the back of my closet while cleaning. I rescued them from their box and am totally jamming them on a regular basis again.
Secret #6: I slept with your wife. The morning of the wedding. In your bed. That's for fucking my college girlfriend behind my back for 6 months. Another FYI? She did it to get back at you for getting rid of her cat. She knows Snuggles didn't run away.
Secret #7: I got really, really high once and was having a few beers and thought putting a pet hamster in the microwave to cook it was a good idea. Luckily after about 10 seconds I realized it was a bad idea. I still kind of wonder what would have happened if I had let it go the full 15 minutes I had it set for.
Secret #8: It's so cliche but I fell in love with my best female friend. I tried to tell her one night and she told me to stop, she didn't feel that way and didn't want to hear me say the words. I was crushed. And yet she keeps dating assholes who just use her for sex for a few weeks and then move on.
Secret #9: Red lipstick is such a turn on for me.
Secret #10: If I ever got the chance, I'd fuck you in a heartbeat. I know I shouldn't because you're married but I would. I'd do it while your wife was downstairs cooking dinner and then sneak out via the balcony from your bedroom.
Secret #11: I killed your goldfish.
Secret #12: I am now in my 30's. I've had one sexual partner and two "girlfriends" in my life (and both cheated on me). The first when I was 16 lasted for 2 weeks, before she brought some other guy she was seeing over and wanted to have a "kissing contest" (effectively ending my affection for her). The second was when I was 18 and she was 15. Probably should have known better, but it was long distance, and a friend of mine introduced me to her. It lasted for 4 months before she told me on her birthday that she was seeing another guy and it wouldn't leave room for us. My one and only voyage into sex happened last year after I turned 30.
People don't know exactly how alone I feel most of the time, especially after seeing most of my friends disappear into relationships and suddenly run out of time for anyone else.
It's hard for me to meet girls and keep myself out of the retarded area known as the "friend zone". I'm a nice guy, ladies. . . Get over it and yourselves. Just because a guy is aloof and rude-ish, doesn't mean he's going to make a good man for you, and just because I'm nice, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be able to do anything that jerk can do for you.
Tired of men and women elevating the stupid parts of life above the important ones. Sadly, it will probably never change.
Secret #13: I ate the last of your cereal. I don't know how you eat Grape Nuts, that shit is NASTY. I did get satisfaction out of knowing that when you woke up, you'd get no Grape Nuts.
I NEED SOME SECRETS for my Saturday posts. :D If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)
I haven't done a Fuck You Friday post in quite a while. It's about time for a new one, I say.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people leave a little of something in a container, box, etc and then put it back. I HATE THAT. It's annoying as hell to me. Fuck. You.
Here are some examples courtesy of things put back into our refrigerator with very little left in there.
This is a container of orange juice that was put back with that much juice left in there.
That's tea in the pitcher that was put back with that amount in there. I had to get level with the pitcher to get the picture because when I wasn't level, you couldn't tell there was any liquid left in the pitcher, lol.
If you're going to leave so little in there, why not just finish it? I don't get it. I hate when I open a cereal box and there's a handful of cereal left in there. Or better yet, a few pieces of cereal and a bunch of that dusty crap in the bottom. I could go on and on with examples but that would be pointless since y'all know what I'm saying.
While we're on the subject, another thing that really irks me? I hate when people don't close bags, boxes, etc properly. You took the time to open it, take the time to close it properly. It's not that freaking difficult. Fuck you, too.
I know these are relatively useless things to get annoyed over but seriously, it pisses me off. Especially the leaving the packages open thing. Stuff goes stale that way and not a lot of foods are still good after they're stale.
I got a package in the mail yesterday. My younger sister had ordered me a gift in plenty of time to get it and send it to me by my birthday June 15th. After she ordered it, it went on backorder so we had to wait. It finally came in and I got it yesterday. I've been waiting and waiting to see what my sister got for me that was so hard to get a hold of.
If you guessed the boxes contained a flask and set of six shot glasses, you were right. Come one, no one guessed that! If you did magically guess that, you definitely didn't guess that it was a Boondock Saints flask and shot glass set. ;)
The first time I saw the movie was in 2003. I was hanging out with one of my guy friends at his apartment and we had been playing video games and drinking for a few hours. And yeah, for those who know how old I am, I was totally partaking in some illegal underage drinking. Totally not the worst thing I was doing at the time but I digress. Back on track here. We gave up on the video games after a few hours of me kicking his ass at whatever game we were playing and decided we'd watch a movie. He pulled out The Boondock Saints and asked if I had seen it. I said I hadn't and he said I had to watch it because it was one of his favorite movies. I loved it. I also love Willem Dafoe. :D And even now that it's more popular, especially due to a second one FINALLY coming out recently, I still love it. So, I was quite happy with my sister's present and totally surprised by it.
Moving on, one more thing I want to share not related to my gift from my awesome younger sister....
Fangs decided he wanted to do my hair for me. I admit, it looked crappy. I've needed a haircut really badly but haven't been able to afford one. I normally cut my own hair but my step-cousin's wife did my hair last year in several layers and my hair was still in layers. Just many inches longer than when she cut it. I didn't want to mess up the layers so I just left my hair alone. It's been so hot due to the whole summer thing my mass of super long and heavy hair has been killing me. So, Fangs did my hair for me. He cut 5 inches off the longest layer and said longest layer is now only 1.5 inches below my shoulders now. It feels so good to not have so much hair weighing me down. He also colored it for me, too. He said some stuff left over from when he last did his hair. He had purchased several different colors because he had been indecisive on what to get for himself. So he had a couple colors for me to pick from for him to do my hair. And it wasn't box stuff, he doesn't roll that way. So, I got a great hair cut and a pretty new color and my hair looks so nice again. My step-cousin's wife had done it lighter and then done two different tones of high lights in it but since my hair's grown, my natural color was there then flowed into the color/highlights and yeah... wasn't looking good. It's all good now, though. And I didn't have to pay for it but I did cook dinner for him as a thank you. Pictures of the color coming some time next week. Or maybe on Sunday. I'd say tomorrow but I already have a post scheduled. ;)
I've seen this little meme on a few blogs and a few shorter versions floating around Tumblr, too. You take your iTunes or MP3's and put it on shuffle and post the first 20 songs that come up. Supposedly, you shouldn't be skipping any songs you may be "embarrassed" to listen to. Blah blah blah. So, I thought it might be amusing and decided to go for it. Why not, right?
1) Heroes by The Wallflowers
2) Lost In Space by Avantasia
3) Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon
4) Fuel by Metallica
5) Sober by Pink
6) Black Balloon by Goo Goo Dolls
7) Raining On Sunday by Keith Urban
8) Broken by Sonata Arctica
9) My Last Serenade by Killswitch Engage
10) Savior by Rise Against
11) Blackwater Park by Opeth
12) Without Me by Eminem
13) Two Weeks by All That Remains
14) Rock You Like A Hurricane by The Scorpions
15) The Illusionist by Scar Symmetry
16) Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen
17) She Is by The Fray
18) Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith
19) Wrath by Lamb Of God
20) Dig by Incubus
And because I can, here are 5 more...
21) What Was I Thinkin' by Dierks Bentley
22) Chasing The Dragon by Epica
23) Dream Lover by Bobby Darin
24) It Is What It Is by Lifehouse
25) Pursuit Of Vikings by Amon Amarth
That was fairly amusing. I honestly don't understand why people would ever be embarrassed or ashamed to admit they like a particular song, band, singer, etc. Who gives a fuck if people you like don't like it? I guess in part because I don't give a shit what people think about me, I don't care if people poke fun of my music. I figure I have to be happy with what I listen to, no one else does. So, I like what I like. :)
Now, here are a few quotes about music that I love. Enjoy. ;)
"Music is what feelings sound like."
"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music." -Angela Monet
"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul."
"When words leave off, music begins." -Heinrich Heine
"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." -Plato
I met my best friend over 8 years ago. I bonded with him over music, movies and hockey. We didn't share the love for the same team but we shared a love for the sport and respectfully bashed the shit out of each others' favored team. And still wanted to hang out again after that. Unlike a lot of guy friends I've had, he's never wanted to date me, fuck me, kiss me or any other shit like that. I've never wanted him in any such way. We've always had this strange kind of bond, almost like brother and sister in a way. And not the type of "they're like brother and sister but secretly one wants to bang the other or is in love with the other" kind of thing. Even when drunk as all fuck, we've never even so much as flirted one tiny bit. He now lives almost 2,000 miles away from Dallas and has for years. I've done my share of moving around between Texas and California, as anyone who has read here long enough knows. We still talk regularly, mostly by text message.
So to my best friend, I want to say a few things.
Thank you for always listening to me when I need someone to listen.
Thank you for never telling me what would be easier to hear and always telling me exactly what I need to hear. Even when it's upsetting, hurtful or anger inducing.
Thank you for always some how knowing when things aren't okay.
Thank you for being able to talk so openly and honestly about everything.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings without holding back.
Thank you for understanding my odd, sometimes warped, sense of humor.... because your sense of humor is so similar.
Thank you for all the advice you've given me that I rarely listened to but should have.
Thank you for actually taking the advice I give you more often than not.
Thank you for always being able to talk me down when I'm ready to go on a rage because I'm that pissed off.
Thank you for your ridiculous ability to always make me laugh. (I blame that on having a similar sense of humor and just using what would work for you so really, not so miraculous but I appreciate it never the less.)
And thank you for for staying up until 4:30 AM talking to me (listening to me whine and talk a bunch of shit out) when you have to be at work by 9 AM.
Thank you for not going to bed when I told you to because you knew I needed to talk and wanted to be there for me.
Thank you for always being there for me when I need you to be.
It always throws people off when they find out my best friend is a guy. Which it shouldn't because most of my friends are guys, anyway. I get along better with guys but that's a different rant for a different day. People still have that perception that a guy and a girl cannot possibly be friends without one or both wanting to fuck or be more than friends. Seriously, it can be done and I really don't see how that's such a hard notion for so many people to still grasp onto. I remember the first time I told him that I loved him for being such a good person and a great friend. He made me swear up and down I wasn't in love with him and that I didn't want to be with him because he didn't feel that way and didn't find it likely he ever would. I swore up and down I hadn't meant it that way and I was telling the truth. I love him to death but I wouldn't ever be in a relationship with him. I wouldn't leave The Boyfriend for him. And vice versa. In truth, I think if we ever dated we would probably drive each other fucking crazy and we'd end up wanting to kill one another. Very soon. We're too much alike and knowing myself the way I do, dating myself? Wouldn't bode well. Not at all. So, I'm glad I have a friend who understands me so well and is (even with the geographical differences) always there for me as much as he can be. And I do the same for him. We won't even get into how many nights I stayed up too late listening to him go on and on about a girl he was dating or in a relationship with. Or how many hours were spent making him feel better after his father lashed out at him and made my 6'4" friend feel a few wee inches high. ;)
Another plus side? The Boyfriend has no issues (jealousy or otherwise) with my friendship with him, either. Hooray. I can imagine it wouldn't go well if that were something that caused a problem between us. Luckily, I don't have to worry about that. I know a lot of people say when you're with someone and have been together for as long as we have, your significant other should be your best friend. I don't agree because I think it's good to have other people to talk to about things with. Mine just happens to be a guy instead of a girl and thankfully, The Boyfriend is secure enough and trusts me enough that he's not threatened by it. Which I love. :D
One last thing? I apologize for any rambling on and on I did in this post. Also, I apologize if I did a poor job of articulating any points or thoughts. Or if I just forgot to make a point I wanted to, lol. I might have to come back and do some editing (maybe, we'll see, heh) when I'm less mentally and emotionally drained. I just really wanted to write right now and I'm not so good at ignoring my impulses. :)
Thanks to everyone that commented on this post. I appreciate the comments and the couple e-mails I got in response to it. I don't appreciate the negative comments that are full of name calling and insults. If you left those, they didn't get posted, obviously. I don't mind people disagreeing with me. Not one bit. However, calling me a bitch and telling me I have my head stuck up a camel's ass along with a sleuth of other random and giggle inducing insults? Not going to publish that shit. Disagree with me all you want but articulate your point without being insulting and rude.
I NEED SOME SECRETS for my Saturday posts. :D If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)
I posted that picture on my Tumblr yesterday after I saw it posted on Laken's Tumblr. I love rainbows and with the angle of the picture and the road covered with stuff fresh after some rain? It just looks beautiful to me.
I started reading "Alice In Wonderland" again a few days ago. I haven't read that book in years but decided I wanted to re-read it. It's still one of my favorites. I love that I haven't read it in so long but still remember most of it. Though, some bits I forgot so it's nice when I get to a part I don't remember. I've also been reading Edgar Allen Poe again here lately. I think it's been a good 6 months since I picked up a poetry book and read. I always feel like drawing after I read Poe. Not sure why. It just inspires me creatively in an odd way. :D
I tweeted this yesterday: "People almost always react funny when I say I don't particularly like bacon. I'm not a pork person. I don't like the meat Babe has to offer." I immediately got some joking tweets about people not being able to like me, love me or be online buddies with me any longer because I'm not a big fan of bacon. I got one tweet from someone who could relate. Then twomore from people who don't eat any meat. I never quite get what the big deal about not liking bacon is. When I was younger, I LOVED it. I stopped liking it around the time I started working a job as a teenager where I worked around bacon and smelled it ALL THE TIME. After smelling it and seeing it so much, I didn't like it as much and only ate it on burgers. Then, I went from working around it and smelling it to actually getting to cook the bacon once I was working the opening shift. More than a pound of it. 6 mornings a week. I already didn't like it but that? Totally put me off of it. I just amuses me (and admittedly baffles a little bit, too) how people react to me not liking bacon. Like it's some sort of mortal crime or something. I could say I dislike sausage (which I do, seriously, not a pork person) and it doesn't get near the reaction not liking the All Mighty Bacon gets. People are crazy about bacon. *nods*
Musical Monday video for today? "Glycerine" by Bush. They have been one of my favorite bands since I was 14 and first heard one of their songs on the radio. I really enjoy their songs. I like and relate to a lot of what their songs are about. Also? I LOVE Gavin Rossdale's beautiful voice. *swoon*
Sunday Survey (I lifted these question's off Veronica's blog. :D)
1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, always.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Black, of course.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? It was The Boyfriend so, yeah.
4. Do you plan outfits? Never. I just grab what I feel for the day and throw it on.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Melancholy and a little stressed.
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red? A book.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? It was weird. My dreams are too long and detailed to summarize in a sentence, lol.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? Nope. I haven't been out of the house in days.
9. What are you craving right now? Food. That doesn't come out of a box, jar or can.
10. Do you floss? It happens.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Coleslaw.
12. Are you emotional? Not very.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? When counting money at previous jobs I did.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? I just lick it.
15. Do you like your hair? It looks kind of crappy since my step-cousin's wife put highlights in it for me at the end of last year. So, it's got a few inches of same colored hair and then all the pretty highlights that look more dull now. I wish I could do something with it.
16. Do you like yourself? Yes.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Sure. Especially if he's buying.
18. What are you listening to right now? Plain White T's, "Losing Myself"
19. Are your parents strict? No.
20. Would you go sky diving? Maybe. I hate being on planes but I'm not adverse to the idea of jumping out of one, lol. Getting me up there would be the hard part.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? NO. I think it's nasty no matter how many ways I've tried to eat it.
If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)
Secret #1: When we have sex, I fantasize about Major League Baseball players I want to fuck most of the time.
Secret #2: I'm not really a lesbian. I say I am because I don't have enough self-confidence to get to know hot guys any other way.
Secret #3: My friend's dad is a doctor and we found out how to make a cast and made a crappy make shift one. I didn't break my arm. I just wanted a cast to see how many people would want to sign it and to see how many people would be concerned.
Secret #4: I turned my phone off for 7 days and didn't use any of my social networking websites. No one noticed. I hate my life.
Secret #5: I'm happily married but at times I find myself bored and calling dating phone lines just to find someone to talk to. It takes a while to weed through all the guys wanting phone sex or a hook up but I always find some other lonely soul who just wants to chat with another person.
Secret #6: I only wanted to date you because you looked like Joey on Friends. Thank you for turning me down because you're such an asshole I wouldn't have ever had a good time with you.
Secret #7: Some times, I go for 4 or 5 days without blogging or tweeting just to see if anyone online misses me.
Secret #8: I lied and told you I had to go out of town for business the weekend of your wedding. Truth was, I knew I couldn't watch you marry her without crying and causing a scene.
Secret #9: I miss you. I'm sorry I cheated. I wish you would forgive me so we could work things out. :(
I am going to bitch about something today. I don't normally bitch about stuff that goes on around the internet because honestly, I couldn't care less most of the time. I hate drama in real life and online bullshit isn't any different other than it's people I don't really know and all words on a computer screen. I'm not attacking anyone in particular here, just trying to make a point. And the one example I use is from a comment off of a post a friend of mine wrote and someone had something bitchy to say. I already got into it with the person who said it. She knows how I feel, I know how she feels , blah blah blah. That comment, on top of other comments on blogs I like plus other stuff I've seen inspired this post.
I have noticed something over a period of several months that annoys me. When sex bloggers or people involved in kink or bdsm make fun of something that they don't find kinky when someone else does.
Example:
"hahaha omg uh yeah getting ur hands tied w a scarf isnt kinky. at all. why dont u try something actually kinky and then come back and try to talk kink"
Okay, so to someone who's versed in kink, fetishes, BDSM or anything like that; it is nothing.
To someone who's done this before, long ago, and has since advanced on to kinkier, naughtier things; it's is nothing.
To the person saying it? They clearly found it kinky and there's absolutely no reason at all to make fun of them publicly for it. None what so ever. Other than to be a cunty bitch. This goes beyond the one example I gave because there have been more instances than just that one. I don't see the need to list a bunch of examples because you get the idea. Great, you feel superior and you're way beyond finding being bound with a silk scarf kinky. Good for fucking you. That doesn't mean someone just starting out venturing into kinkier things should be made to feel like an idiot newb just because you don't find their kink kinky.
Being bound with a scarf, being gagged by a tie, ice on a private area, on and on with stuff you would probably see in Cosmo magazine teaching people how to up the heat in bedroom with something new? All of it sounds ridiculous and stupid to someone who owns thigh harnesses, spreader bars, nipple clamps that could peel an apple and an assortment of other toys. Guess what? PLENTY OF PEOPLE find those tips helpful.
I think the problem is with the people poking fun at people is that they spend so much time online associating with people who have similar interests that they forget or don't realize the kink world they're living in isn't the same one every one else is in. Just because you know/associate a lot of people that would find being bound with a scarf silly and amateur-ish doesn't mean that someone else (or 1,000 someone else's) isn't going to find it kinky.
I have a friend who recently found out I review sex toys once in a while and she was shocked by it because she's never even owned one let alone a drawer full of them. She's never even been in a toy store or visited a toy store online. Does that mean I should laugh at her and make her feel bad about that? No. Not everyone likes toys. Not everyone is comfortable trying new things like that. Even if new things counts as a simple, discreet vibrator which seems like no big deal to a lot of people out there in sex blogger land.
My point is, by being around it so much and it being such a big part of life for some people, they don't realize (or maybe they do and just don't care) that not everyone is going to be the same way. Not everyone plays with toys, not everyone watches porn, not everyone has gone to a sex convention and been tied up by a professional with rope. It's fine and dandy if that's what you're into and what you want to do. It's fine if kink, fetish, etc is a big part of your life. It's not fine to make fun of other people who are just venturing into trying new things. It's not fine to make fun of people who only want to try simple things and find them kinky.
I see these two words getting thrown around a lot. You know what I mean? Did you guess "sex positivity" as the two words? If you did, you got it right. How is poking fun of someone be it to their face, with flippant rude ass comments you know they'll see or snarky passive-aggressive statements the least bit sex positive? It's not. At all. You can think it's pitiful all you want. You want to laugh and make jokes? Fine, do it to whatever friends you talk to about that stuff. There's no need to be that kind of bitch just because some one's not as advanced as you in their turn-ons, fetishes, etc. Grow up a little.
What makes me really shake my head is that some of the people I see poking fun at people for what they find kinky are some of the ones who claim the most to be so very sex positive. Maybe I have it wrong and if so, leave me alone because I'll continue to think of it this way but, being sex positive shouldn't mean picking and choosing what you're positive about and making people feel bad about the rest. You can think it's silly all day long but really, there's no reason to make fun of someone just because of that.
I pretty much stayed away from my laptop yesterday. I applied for some more jobs and then I didn't touch the laptop again. I didn't feel like messing with any social networking websites because I didn't want to be any kind of social. I had a migraine from hell, looking at a computer screen to do any reading wasn't going to make it feel better. Later that night when I was feeling like I might want to mess around online, I hopped on Tumblr. I saw a quiz posted and I took it, posted it to my own Tumblr then got back off the laptop a few minutes later.
I'm going to post my results here and comment on them. :D Fun, eh? My comments are in italics.
Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
This is true, for the most part. My decision doesn't always appeal to both parties and "sometimes" would be a better fit than "usually" because it doesn't happen to swing that way the majority of the time. I also know a lot of people who don't appreciate my blunt, straightforward nature. To those people? Fuck 'em.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don’t judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren’t necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people’s eyes.
Yes, yes and yes. Though, "serious" also needs to know how to relax and have fun. The last sentence annoys me a little bit but whatever.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
So not true. It takes me a while to commit. The Boyfriend and I talked and were friends and then moving "in that direction" for an entire year before I made a commitment to him. I'm slow to do that and I never know all that quickly if someone is someone I want to be with long term or not.
The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Again, the whole "being straightforward will pay off big for you" thing is annoying to me. Also, not true. My blunt and straightforward nature gets me labeled as a bitch quite often. Which is fine by me. I'd rather be a bitch than a lying little sugar coater that people can't figure out because I'm too afraid to speak my mind for whatever reasons.
Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
SPOT ON.
The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don’t focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
Fairly accurate yet again. There's just so much in the world I want to achieve and accomplish, it's hard to focus on one thing and stick with it. I want to do it all! :D
How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.
Part of this is true. I am scared of failure but not to the point that it ever stops me from doing what I want to do. I do it anyway, even if I am afraid, and hope like hell I don't fail. Then if I do, I try to learn from it so I don't repeat the same mistakes.
What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don’t ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Very true! Independence and being able to take care of myself are insanely important to me and something I pride myself on because I don't need people to take care of me. Which is also why I have such a very hard time letting people know when I do need help taking care of me and also why I tend to go without things I need before I'll ask for help. And yes, I am aware of the difference between stubborn pride and independence and do know that it's okay to ask for help from time to time. Knowing it and doing it aren't always the same thing.
Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Spot on, again!
While there were, of course, some things that weren't entirely accurate, it was mostly pretty right on. If any of you do this and end up posting your results or feel like sharing them, I'd love to see them! So definitely let me know if you decide to go take the quiz. :D
Also, if you have a Tumblr and I don't already follow you, hit me up with a link. I need more people to follow. And if you don't post kinky/sexy/erotic stuff on yours, that's fine. If you look at mine, I don't post much of that at all and most of the people I follow don't either. :D Or, if you ca suggest some Tumblr pages you find interesting, I'd check them out. Who knows, I might dig it, too!
Yesterday, I went with The Boyfriend to his car club meeting. After the meeting, we went with a group of the car club people to hang out at one of the car club couple's house. The couple are friends of The Boyfriend and I and they're one of the few people in the car club I actually like, lol. Anyway. A group of us were hanging out at their house and one of the women had gotten Hot Tub Time Machine while picking up snacks to bring over. She had seen it already but got it because she wanted to buy it and thought it would be fun for us to all watch it. She was sitting on the love seat with her new boyfriend and she starts talking about parts in the movie... before they happen. Then they happen and she's like, "See, told you that was funny." Ahahaha, it might have been funnier had I not already been ready for it to happen. I don't like this girl (woman really, I think she's 34 or 35) because she's obnoxious, pretentious, thinks she knows everything and she's a bitch. Not that I needed any more reason to dislike her but there was another one. I dislike when people talk through a movie. I'm okay with a little chatter here and there but not a lot of it. I also just really hate when people give away stuff that happens in movies before it happens. Especially when they know they're the only one in the room that has actually seen the movie. I wanted to take my shoe off and hit her with it. Though, that wouldn't have gone over well. In theory, that stuff is always fun sounding. In reality, it would have caused more trouble than it would have been worth. She's pretty good friends with the female half of our couple friends and out of the 8 people there, only me and another person there really dislike this woman. I don't like causing drama so I didn't throw my shoe. I did make a comment about hating getting narration from the audience. She got the hint, glared at me but shut up after that.
Saturday night (or technically Sunday morning since it was 1:00 AM :p), after The Boyfriend got home from work, we played Scrabble. LONGEST GAME EVER. Probably not but it was longer than any other Scrabble game we've played before. It was a very close game too. But.... I won. :D *victory dance*I love playing Scrabble, though. Especially with him because it's always a good game.
I think Midnight Pomegranate lotion from Bath & Body Works smells like SweetTarts candy. It smells a little like pomegranate to me but mostly, it just smells like the candy.
Earlier Saturday night, I was bored and trying to figure out something to keep myself busy with and decided to go clean the bathroom. I was going to clean the toilet but the scrubby brush to do so has gone M.I.A. I really hate when inanimate objects sprout legs & run off. I have no clue where it was but Sunday, it was back in it's spot. I hate when that happens.
I tweeted this around 8 PM Saturday night: I'm wearing a green glow bracelet. Friend asked why. I said, "In case I run into Superman. I'll fuck his world up." That tweet got retweeted by 13 different people. Which amused the hell out of me. I love when people get amused by the silly things I say.
I love this song. I have no reason behind why I'm posting it other than that. :)
One of today's secrets is mine. I won't tell you which one but it is definitely not #8. I almost obsessively do the thing they don't do, lol. It's not #2 or #11 either because that's just pathetic. It's also not #1 because the Discovery channel rocks! I haven't seen it in a year, though. Last time I lived somewhere and had cable was early July. Bummer because I hate most of what comes on regular TV. Thank goodness there's music. :D Anyway, I'll stop narrowing it down now.
The rest of the secrets are from awesome people who were kind enough to submit them to me. If you want to submit a secret for me to use next weekend (COME ON, DON'T BE SHY! :D) then just e-mail it to me: amorousrocker [at] gmail [dot] com. Or leave it as a comment here anonymously if you want to do it that way and I'll copy it and use it for next weekend's Secrets post. ;)
Saturday Secrets #6
Secret #1: I pretend to enjoy it but secretly I hate the discovery channel and all of those shows she watches. I only pretend to enjoy them because watching them with her makes her happy and her being happy is more important than whether I enjoy a boring show or not.
Secret #2: Good thing I'm an impeccable liar. I'd never have any interesting stories to tell otherwise.
Secret #3: I secretly want to see my wife as the center of attention for many well hung men. After receiving her fill and cum was oozing from all of her orifices, down her face and pooling on her bare skin, I would worship her body as I always do. I would kiss her all over, enjoying the texture of her soft skin, savoring the taste of her sweat mixed with the evidence of her ability to give pleasure. I would embrace her as I slid into her soaked gaping holes, tasting the salt on her tongue as we shared a deep intimate kiss.
I don't want this as a means to degrade or objectify her. I would want her to be in control and to do it simply because she loves and cannot get enough cock.
Secret #4: I still have the "movie" that we made together and sometimes masturbate while watching it.
Secret #5: My father is white and I'm half white but I'm closer with my black mother and her side of the family and also the majority of my friends are black as well. When I hear racist jokes against white people, I always laugh. I feel ashamed for finding them funny because it's part of who I am and I love my father but some of them are so funny.
Secret #6: The complete lack of accountability among people is disgusting. Everyone wants to BLAME BLAME BLAME someone else but NEVER stop and point their fingers toward their own actions.
Secret #7: I'm much more unhappy than I let on. I don't fake anything, I just don't show everything. People have noticed that I'm less like myself lately but I've held back a lot so that no one knows how truly bad I've gotten.
Secret #8: I almost never remember to wash my hands after I pee at home but I never forget when I'm out somewhere.
Secret #9: I think you could do much better than him.
Secret #10: I cried 6 different times yesterday. I'm crying too much lately and it scares me how upset and sad I've been lately. I don't want to slip back into depression but I'm unsure what to do to prevent it.
Secret #11: Half the "real life" stuff I post on my blog is greatly embellished or not even real. I do it for the attention. I get so many comments and I love the sympathy people so freely dole out. I want the attention and I get satisfaction out of crafting my stories in a way that make people react so emotionally. I secretly feel superior to all the people kissing my little white ass too!
Secret #12: When I'm uncomfortable, I fart a lot. Thankfully they're usually quiet!
Secret #13: I laugh at his funny stories but I usually think he's just lying to try and impress me.
Secret #14: I HATE YOUR BEARD! MOTHERFUCKING SHAVE ALREADY! THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T PERFORM ORAL SEX ON ME! I HATE YOUR BEARD! SHAVE SHAVE SHAVE! Please?
Secret #15: When an ugly guy approaches me, I fake not being able to speak English to avoid having them flirt with me.
I hate when you're trying to apply nail polish and you sneeze really hard out of no where and end up with nail polish all over your fingers. And sometimes clothes and other things in the area.
I also hate how nothing itches until you have wet fingernails.
I always pick at the nail polish. It never has a chance to chip away because I peel it away.
Edit: SarahbearSomeone (sorry, I forgot who but speak up if it was you)tweeted a quote they had seen on Facebook. "Don't worry about karma. She's only a bitch if you are." That made me chuckle.
Yesterday, I got my Crayola crayons out and started drawing. I draw better with pencil but I didn't have any colored pencils to draw with so the crayons had to do. (You can click on both pictures to see the bigger versions.)
I made a cute cupcake.
And then this. I was disappointed with this a little bit. I definitely would have done better on this one with some pencils instead of crayons. Ah well.
Something else about Crayola? I love the smell of crayons. LOVE it.
I tweeted yesterday about how parking garages make me nervous. I was walking through one on my way to yesterday'swaste of time job interview and tweeted about how they make me nervous. Most of the replies had to do with saying they could relate because they made them nervous because they were scared of being attacked in them as well. I made another tweet to clarify that wasn't why I'm nervous about them. I'm not afraid of being attacked in them. I'm scared of the structure itself. I know they're secure enough but I'm always nervous I'm going to be walking through and the whole thing is just going to collapse. Rather irrational fear I suppose but it's not impossible; just improbable.
I also have issues with escalators. I'm always anxious that my clothes will get stuck in them or that I'll fall some how or that something will go wrong. I'd rather walk up flights of stairs over being on an escalator.
Bridges make me nervous, too. Only when I'm driving across them or in a car going across one, though. If I'm walking or standing on one, I do okay.The only exception to that are those bridges made of rope and board. I won't cross one, they terrify me.
I've gone cliff diving, jumped off bridges into the ocean, skim boarded and hung out on a beach during a hurricane on multiple occasions, done the skycoaster and done tons of other really risky fun things that were often also potentially dangerous. Yet try to get me on an escalator or get me to drive over a bridge and I'm packed full of anxiety. Most of the things that really bother me are all irrational fears that I know aren't likely to happen but know could happen. I have very few rational fears.
"Black Balloon" by Goo Goo Dolls. <--click for the lyrics. :) This has been one of my favorite songs for a little more than 10 years. It trips me out when I realize how old I was when I started listening to this band. Or rather, how young I was. This song is from a CD that came out in 1998. I don't have a lot of Cd's I even still own from that long ago but I still have this one and I still listen to it. Obviously. ;) This is probably my favorite song off the whole album. This song used to make me sad and I never understood why, exactly. I'd listen to it and just feel sad for no apparent reason yet, I still loved the song. It's weird how music can play on your emotions like that sometimes. I listen to it now and I still feel the tiniest bit of sadness but mostly, it makes me smile. Not because it's an extremely happy song. There's no rainbows or fairy dust shooting out of anywhere.
Anyway.
You know what's fun? Having a 3+ hour conversation with your boyfriend on topics ranging from defining sexual terms that weren't understood (genderqueer, pansexual, etc & they're understood now :D) to the oil spill in the gulf to self-entitlement to patriarchy to evolution and a couple other things. And I mean fun in all seriousness. Even when we don't agree, though with what was listed we pretty much agree on things, we never get angry and try to make the other person try to bend their views. He can accept that I might not see something his way and same goes for me. It never turns into an argument, it never turns petty and it never turns into something useless that causes frustration and headaches because one side wants the other side to see it their way and come around to their way of thinking. Then again, we mostly agree on those types of things but once in a while there are things we do disagree on that are touchy. It's fun because we can share our views and not get into an argument over anything, even when we don't agree on something the other feels passionate about. It's always just an intelligent, rational discussion between two people who don't always agree but can respect the opinion of the other.
Also fun? Laying in a freshly cleaned bed playing Scrabble with the boyfriend. I love Scrabble and he's gotten in to playing it lately. Which I love. :D He's got a game on his iPhone where we can both play since I no longer own the actual board game. I would rather lay on the bed and play the actual board game (we don't have any type of table to play on) but such is life. Maybe when I can get the board game again we can do that. The game on his phone works just fine, though. :)
I like to clean, for the most part. I think it's partly because I enjoy doing things with my hands (yeah yeah, yuk it up) and partly because I don't particularly care for watching TV so it gives me something productive to do. Which is great because I hate sitting around the house doing nothing. Being unemployed and broke, I do a LOT of sitting around the house right now. Which sucks because I like to go and do a lot. So, to keep occupied, I've been cleaning and organizing a lot lately. Which, in some cases, must be driving the people I live with nuts. I organized the pantry in the kitchen the other day. I can't stand having to move 10 things around to find something because nothing is in order. I'm talking a box of tostada shells sitting next to a sleeve of cookies on the same shelf as canned corn and a bag of rice. There wasn't a lot of structure and organization in there. I figure since I'm the only one who ever really cooks, I can organize the damn pantry so I can find stuff without having to look for 5 minutes. So, I took everything out. Organized. Bam. Once I'm done, the girl comes in looking for NutriGrain bars, opens the pantry and proceeds to look confused because it's organized instead of a little organization with random stuff here and there. The only thing I did worry about was Ms. M coming in from work and seeing I had re-organized her pantry. My defense was ready with the whole "since I'm the only one who cooks...." but I didn't need it. She looked at it, shrugged and said as long as she could still find stuff she didn't care how I organized it. So, I briefly explained where everything was and she was fine with it. Woohoo. I just hope it stays organized for as long as I'm still living here.
Another thing I like doing? Cleaning mirrors and windows. Simply because I love the smell of Windex/window cleaner. I don't really know why, I just think it smells really good. So, I like to clean with it because I like the smell. I usually HATE the smell of cleaning products. Bleach doesn't bother me too much but most other ones? Ick. I hate the Pine cleaner the most. The way that stuff smells makes me want to gag.
I like doing laundry until the folding part comes along. I seriously can't stress enough how misleading The Jetsons were about the future. Where's Rosie? I want a sweet little robot in a maid's outfit rolling around, doing my laundry for me. We're totally supposed to have this by now. Get with it, technology. ;) Since I only have to do mine and the boyfriend's laundry, I don't mind so much. I just have the habit of waiting until I'm running low on clothes to actually do laundry. I always look at the hamper as it starts to fill up and think, "I need to do some laundry" but then I always talk myself out of it because I've still got cleans stuff to wear. One day, I'll learn to make it easier on myself and do a couple small loads every few days instead of waiting over a week to do laundry and then having to spend all day doing it.
Anyway, enough of the cleaning and laundry talk. If you actually read all of that, WHYYY? Isn't it boring enough just thinking about that stuff? Lol. (Thanks if you read it, btw, lol.)
I found out a job I interviewed with is hiring again for the same position I had applied for. They have a small amount of staff and only have one person for the shift that they have up for grabs which is the same one I had applied and interviewed for. I got two interviews for it but they ended up picking someone else instead. Now, a month later, they're hiring again. Great job picking there. Anyway, I figured why the fuck not and applied again. I got a call from the manager Monday but for some reason, she called the home phone. I didn't get the message until hours later so I didn't get to call back since they were closed by the time I got the message. Whatever, I don't care. Maybe she'll fucking hire me this time. That would be awesome. I'm sick of not working. Also tired of going through the interview process. I've been on SO many interviews and a lot of second interviews and all for a lot of nothing so far. I'm also sick of being home all of the time. I hate not working honestly. I feel so lazy and useless. Not to mention being broke just sucks. Anyway, I called back today and it just so happens that Tuesday is her day off. So, I'll call back tomorrow and hope something good comes of it. I need something to work out so I can stop being so stressed and worried over stuff. I'm not normally a worrier or a stresser so this being worried and stressed a lot is new to me. I have to say, I don't much care for it, lol. :)
I just felt like rambling about boring stuff today. Mostly because I haven't been getting much sleep (less than the 4-5 hours a night I usually get, lol) lately so my brain is like dead. Or revolting against me. Though, I blame it for the lack of sleep. So maybe it's revolting against itself? Yeah, anyway.... :)
