Kinky or not? It's a perspective thing..

I am going to bitch about something today. I don't normally bitch about stuff that goes on around the internet because honestly, I couldn't care less most of the time. I hate drama in real life and online bullshit isn't any different other than it's people I don't really know and all words on a computer screen. I'm not attacking anyone in particular here, just trying to make a point. And the one example I use is from a comment off of a post a friend of mine wrote and someone had something bitchy to say. I already got into it with the person who said it. She knows how I feel, I know how she feels , blah blah blah. That comment, on top of other comments on blogs I like plus other stuff I've seen inspired this post.

I have noticed something over a period of several months that annoys me. When sex bloggers or people involved in kink or bdsm make fun of something that they don't find kinky when someone else does.

Example:

"hahaha omg uh yeah getting ur hands tied w a scarf isnt kinky. at all. why dont u try something actually kinky and then come back and try to talk kink"

Okay, so to someone who's versed in kink, fetishes, BDSM or anything like that; it is nothing.

To someone who's done this before, long ago, and has since advanced on to kinkier, naughtier things; it's is nothing.

To the person saying it? They clearly found it kinky and there's absolutely no reason at all to make fun of them publicly for it. None what so ever. Other than to be a cunty bitch. This goes beyond the one example I gave because there have been more instances than just that one. I don't see the need to list a bunch of examples because you get the idea. Great, you feel superior and you're way beyond finding being bound with a silk scarf kinky. Good for fucking you. That doesn't mean someone just starting out venturing into kinkier things should be made to feel like an idiot newb just because you don't find their kink kinky.

Being bound with a scarf, being gagged by a tie, ice on a private area, on and on with stuff you would probably see in Cosmo magazine teaching people how to up the heat in bedroom with something new? All of it sounds ridiculous and stupid to someone who owns thigh harnesses, spreader bars, nipple clamps that could peel an apple and an assortment of other toys. Guess what? PLENTY OF PEOPLE find those tips helpful.

I think the problem is with the people poking fun at people is that they spend so much time online associating with people who have similar interests that they forget or don't realize the kink world they're living in isn't the same one every one else is in. Just because you know/associate a lot of people that would find being bound with a scarf silly and amateur-ish doesn't mean that someone else (or 1,000 someone else's) isn't going to find it kinky.

I have a friend who recently found out I review sex toys once in a while and she was shocked by it because she's never even owned one let alone a drawer full of them. She's never even been in a toy store or visited a toy store online. Does that mean I should laugh at her and make her feel bad about that? No. Not everyone likes toys. Not everyone is comfortable trying new things like that. Even if new things counts as a simple, discreet vibrator which seems like no big deal to a lot of people out there in sex blogger land.

My point is, by being around it so much and it being such a big part of life for some people, they don't realize (or maybe they do and just don't care) that not everyone is going to be the same way. Not everyone plays with toys, not everyone watches porn, not everyone has gone to a sex convention and been tied up by a professional with rope. It's fine and dandy if that's what you're into and what you want to do. It's fine if kink, fetish, etc is a big part of your life. It's not fine to make fun of other people who are just venturing into trying new things. It's not fine to make fun of people who only want to try simple things and find them kinky.

I see these two words getting thrown around a lot. You know what I mean? Did you guess "sex positivity" as the two words? If you did, you got it right. How is poking fun of someone be it to their face, with flippant rude ass comments you know they'll see or snarky passive-aggressive statements the least bit sex positive? It's not. At all. You can think it's pitiful all you want. You want to laugh and make jokes? Fine, do it to whatever friends you talk to about that stuff. There's no need to be that kind of bitch just because some one's not as advanced as you in their turn-ons, fetishes, etc. Grow up a little.

What makes me really shake my head is that some of the people I see poking fun at people for what they find kinky are some of the ones who claim the most to be so very sex positive. Maybe I have it wrong and if so, leave me alone because I'll continue to think of it this way but, being sex positive shouldn't mean picking and choosing what you're positive about and making people feel bad about the rest. You can think it's silly all day long but really, there's no reason to make fun of someone just because of that.

Happy Friday!

Comments, anyone?