What I Want To Be When I Grow Up...

I had a ton of cupcakes to bake yesterday. I forgot to get pictures of two others I baked which were chocolate espresso with salted caramel frosting and Nutella cupcakes with strawberry frosting. Looking at the overheard shot of the 5 different ones I did remember to snag photos of: Vanilla cupcake with buttercream frosting, cinnamon spice cupcake with buttercream frosting topped with crushed up Cinnamon Toast Crunch, caramel cupcake with marshmallow frosting topped with caramel, Thin Mint cupcake and then vanilla cupcake with cookies and cream frosting.

A lot of people that follow me on Twitter tend to ask why I bake so often since I post pictures of stuff I've made there quite often. When I remember to anyway. The answer to that isn't that I have a massive sweet tooth because in all honesty, I don't. As much as I love to bake, I don't really enjoy sweets as much. I'd much rather make delicious things and watch other people enjoy them.

So, what's with all the cupcakes? I decided I'd make an attempt to start my own business. I enjoy baking so much. Cupcakes, muffins, breads and such. So, late last year I decided I'd make an attempt to do something I enjoy and make some money off of it. It took a while to figure out how to go about it but I made up a few batches of things for some friends to take to their jobs under the pretense that they could share with their co-workers, hopefully they would dig it and want to order some stuff. And it worked. December was the best month for it because of the holidays. I can't even remember how much stuff I made for people for work parties, holiday parties with friends and family and blah blah blah. Some days I'd have so much to do and it's just me in my kitchen with one oven and no help from anyone so it was challenging. It was fun as hell. I've managed to keep slowly but steadily growing a client list thanks to the help of a couple willing friends taking things to work, my boyfriend's co-workers, friends' family members and friends of other people I know. Granted if I had more friends who could take treats into their jobs that would help but a lot places don't allow that. I've got other methods but I'm sure none of y'all care about reading how I'm working on growing my client base.

My goal is to move my little operation out of my kitchen and into a bigger kitchen. One with a bigger oven, haha. Actually, one with a couple ovens. And with some counter space. A few tables and chairs. Steady enough stream of customers coming in and placing orders. You get the picture. Eventually I'm hoping to turn my project that makes me extra money into something a bit more than that. I've thought about it for a couple years now but just never did anything about it. I'm not in a place to do anything on a large scale right now but maybe soon I can get that worked out. And if not, that's fine. I've got no issues slowly and steadily working towards what I want. I've always been a determined, ambitious person and I very rarely fail to met a goal I set for myself. I just have to work on being more patient in the process of trying to get where I want to go. :)

Anyway, I'll stop rambling about this now. :D Thanks for reading!

Happy Wednesday!

This is not an acid trip....

I was walking down the street on my way to the convenience store for a pack of gum, a bottled water and an energy drink. It was a gorgeous day; low 70's with a light breeze and big, puffy white clouds against the blue sky. The light breeze rustled the leaves of the trees that served as a shady canopy above my head. Cars passed by and there were others out walking as well. I could have taken the car but the convenience store was only two miles from where I live. Why not walk on such a lovely day?

I got to the crosswalk and stopped, hitting the button and then waiting for the light to change. My cell phone started ringing. I reached into my pocket for it but it wasn't there. I ran my hands over the length of my body but didn't feel my phone anywhere. I looked around and saw it laying on the sidewalk a couple feet to the right of me. I walked towards it and picked it up, puzzled about how it ended up there. I shrugged, answered the phone and then I fell through the the hole that opened suddenly in the concrete.

I felt myself sliding rapidly downwards in darkness. The material I was on was smooth and cool against my hands as I tried to grasp onto something uselessly. It felt thin and I momentarily panicked about it not being strong enough to hold me. I screamed and the sound echoed all around me. I came to what I thought was the end but it was just a wide curve in the material. I was sliding downward still but now I was going in multiple directions instead of only down. I tried to keep up. Left, right, left, straight again, right and then I felt my stomach turn as I was propelled upwards instead of down. My stomach turned again and I felt my eyes fluttering shut. I wouldn't puke but I might pass out. Wonderful. Just as my eyes began to close, I was launched into the air. My limbs were flailing as I sailed through the air, the darkness disappearing being replaced my a blinding white light. I shut my eyes tightly and felt myself free falling through the brightness.

I gritted my teeth and braced myself for a rough landing. I landed on a mattress and rolled off falling onto the too soft grass. I looked around and I was surprised to see tiny candy canes growing out of the too soft purple grass. Purple grass? I rubbed my eyes, kept them shut briefly and then opened them again. Yeah, purple grass with tiny candy canes growing out of it. I laughed and stood. I inhaled deeply and smelled peppermint, burning wood and vanilla. I looked around wondering what was burning and where the vanilla scent was coming from. I began walking slowly. All I could see was purple grass and the tiny candy canes. There seemed to be a point a half mile away where everything stopped. I walked that way. I reached the point where I couldn't see any further and suddenly, the grass under my feet widened, spreading out to reach further. Tiny candy canes popped up in the new grass. I stepped forward. Little houses, vibrantly colored and strangely decorated, popped up out of thin air. Shops and strange little people appeared too. I sped up my pace and tried to catch up to the strange looking people.

My phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket to answer it. I answered it and music filtered out from the other end. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it. It started melting slowly in my hand. I stared at it, mouth hanging open slightly, shocked and a bit confused. It was melting. It sizzled and cracked as it melted slowly. I felt like it should hurt but it didn't. It was popping and crackling in my hands yet felt cool to the touch, like running my hand under cold water after a slight burn. I stared at it strangely and watched as it continued melting into a puddle. The puddle started overflowing gently, falling to the grass around me. As soon as it hit the soft grass, the grass sizzled and began smoldering slightly. I flung the rest of the melting mess out of my hand and stomped on it as it hit the grass. It stopped smoldering and started changing colors. I watched for a second as it turned from blue to yellow to orange and then, it was gone, as if it had never been there in the first place.

I took ten steps, looking towards a few of the houses thinking I could get to one and find out what was happening. I got to a road that was made of purple bricks dusted with black glitter I paused and stared at the bricks for a few seconds. I moved to take another step forward but never made it onto the bricks. I was sucked into the ground and felt myself falling again. This time, I was not surrounded by total darkness. The tunnel I was sliding down was like a kaleidoscope of bright colors and pretty patterns. I got dizzy watching them all fly by but I couldn't close my eyes, couldn't stop staring as the colors and designs flew by me.

I launched out of the tunnel again. I landed on my feet and found myself standing in line at the convenience store. I looked around me, freaked out. The cashier got my attention and told me my total. I looked at him but didn't really see him. I heard him ask if I was okay. I shook my head and looked at him again. He looked concerned and I wondered how crazy I must seem in that moment. I smiled and pulled a a ten dollar bill out, left it on the counter and walked out of the store with my bag of items I had no recollection of picking up. I stood outside the door and inhaled. I smelled familiar smells. Gasoline, trees, a little of the dirty smell that hung over the town and something different, something not usually there. Peppermint. I looked down and saw little bits of purple grass sinking back down into the sidewalk.

I started running, towards my house, without looking back, without looking around me. As I ran, the purple grass started springing up around me again. I skidded to a stop on the street that I lived on as I watched the grass roll up through the concrete. I stopped, looking around. Beautiful, lush trees in vibrant colors shot up from the ground around me. I watched as little sparkling bulbs, one that looked like big, round Christmas ornaments, sprouted on all of the trees around me. The white fluffy clouds above my head began swirling and turned into a red color. The air smelled like vanilla now and I began walking slowly in the direction that my house should have been in.

I heard a shrill voice call my name and looked over my shoulder. A girl with bubble gum pink hair was waving at me frantically as she yelled my name. She appeared to be running but it didn't seem like she was getting any closer to me. She had bright blue makeup on and hot pink glitter dusted over her entire face. She was wearing a bright yellow dress, resembling the one Belle wears at the end of Beauty in the Beast and black combat boots. Suddenly, she reached behind her and produced a handful of candy canes. She launched them at me and I started running again. One of the candy canes hit me in the head and then another hole opened up and I was falling again. I was going down a spiral slide this time, black lights and plastic white stars lighting the way as I slid downwards. I slowly slid downward for what seemed like miles and then finally reached the end. I hit the ground and it was damp, purple and orange bubbles everywhere. The room smelled of cinnamon and the only light was still the black light and plastic stars. I looked around and saw what seemed to be a hallway. I followed the glowing plastic stars until I came to a door.

I reached to push the door open and then there was an arrow just above where my hand was. I looked behind me and saw several pairs of eyes and nothing more staring at me in the darkness. More arrows hit the wall around me and I reached for the door again. I pushed it open and rushed to step outside. I was on the side of a cliff and stopped myself from stepping down. Jagged rocks in vibrant colors and bright blue waves crashing violently against them were all that I could see below me. Suddenly, I felt hands on my back. I could smell vanilla again and started to fight back. Then several pairs of hands were restraining me rendering me unable to fight anything off. Someone whispered, "sorry love" against my ear and then I was being pushed across the threshold down into the jagged rocks and crashing waves. I was flailing down and looked back up at the door. All I could see where the eyes all staring down at me for a few seconds. Then it was arrows raining down on me as I fell toward to rocks and violent waters.

--------------------------

I woke up then, initially panicked and then relaxed a little when I realized I was laying in bed still. I inhaled deeply and then sighed, relieved that I didn't smell anything sweet or see anything brightly colored or sparkling. I looked around the room but couldn't make out more than vague shapes in the darkness. The bedroom was quiet and all I could hear was my boyfriend's rhythmic breathing next to me. I smiled to myself and laughed at myself before I closed my eyes and drowsily drifted back off to sleep. Thankfully, that dream didn't pick back up where it left off. :)

And no, I didn't drink or eat anything weird before bed. I didn't watch or read anything weird. I didn't drink any alcohol at all yesterday and I didn't take any different or odd medication. If you've read my blog long or known me long enough (or know me well enough) then you probably know I have semi-odd dreams like that pretty much every time I dream. I'm also really good at remembering my dreams most of the time and dream rather often.

Happy Thursday!

Update on the boyfriend...

Since so many people have asked, I decided that writing a blog post would be easier than trying to cover it over Twitter, Facebook, email, etc.

The boyfriend's surgery to have this thyroid removed due to thyroid cancer happened Wednesday. Because of the size of the thyroid and the cancer (3 cm node, surgeon 1,5 is typically large, so) the surgery ended up taking more than twice as long as it was supposed to. Which was entirely too nerve wracking for the group of people he had sitting in the waiting room. Everything did come out fine and he had to spend another two and a half hours in recovery before anyone could see him. Then he had to spend a couple nights in the hospital so they could monitor some things.

He's not totally cancer free yet but the biggest part of it is gone. He'll have to go through some radiation treatment soon and then hopefully that will clear everything up.

He's doing okay. He got home yesterday after a few days stay in the hospital. He was kept longer than originally planned because of his history with strokes and being on blood thinners plus the drain in his neck was acting obnoxious. He's happy to be home and not in a hospital anymore but still in some pain. Thankfully he got a prescription for Vicodin to manage the pain. Follow up appointments to see how he's doing and start the process of moving forward with other stuff happens in about a week, as that's about how long it's going to take him to heal up. The scar on his neck is pretty badass looking, honestly. As badass as any scar looks, anyway.

It's crazy that they found the cancer by accident. He's had a couple strokes, the first when he was 19. They've never been able to figure out why. He's seen countless doctors and specialists and gone through literally hundreds of tests for so many different things and never to find anything really wrong with him. Which I really cannot express to you how absolutely frustrating that is. His GP was dissatisfied with the "we'll likely never figure it out" line and decided to order some tests on some arteries in his neck. A sonogram showed an abnormal growth and some other weirdness. That led to the biopsy he had a few weeks back which led to us finding out he has thyroid cancer. His doctors have discussed a lot of things and ironically, a problem like that with his thyroid can cause issues with his blood which could be the cause of the strokes he has had due to his blood issues. It's a stretch and would be highly unlikely but given the fact this started back when a healthy 19 year old boy had his first stroke, ruling out "highly unlikely" isn't going to happen because not much about his health problems is normal or average.

Even if it comes out that this isn't the cause of his other issues, I'm insanely happy that they found it by mistake and that everyone was able to move so quickly in getting the surgery done thanks to his doctors all working together and being proactive the last couple months.

Thanks so much for all the text messages, tweets, direct messages on twitter, emails and Facebook connections from everyone reaching out to show concern and offer support. It's wonderful and we both appreciate it so much. :)

Tomorrow is "remove the cancer" day...

It was pointed out to me by a couple blog readers who creep on my twitter account that I never wrote an update to this post regarding the boyfriend and why I was asking for good thoughts and such for him.

We found out over the weekend the results from the tests he had done and found out he has thyroid cancer. He met with the surgeon who will be performing the surgery on Friday so they could go over stuff. He's going in this morning before work to have some pre-surgery testing done and the surgery to completely remove his thyroid is on Wednesday morning. He's on some medication for other health issues (strokes, which could be related to thyroid cancer if he's had it as long as they say is possible but they won't know that until a little while after the surgery when they can do some more blood work on tests on him) and they had him go off of them two weeks ago in case the tests did reveal he had thyroid cancer. If he hadn't been off of them, they wouldn't be able to do the surgery as quickly because it would be too risky.

As far as cancer goes, thyroid cancer is the best type to get, according to all the doctors he's been to recently. It's very treatable. He'll have to be in the hospital 1-2 days after the surgery, depending on how things go.

The hard part about all of this is actually the financial aspect of it. Being sick is fucking expensive. He does have health insurance thanks to his job but even with that it's still quite a few thousand dollars coming out of our pockets. I'd hate to see what all of this would cost if he didn't have insurance. It's kind of amusing that he's got cancer and has surgery and radiation coming up and he's more stressed over the financial aspects of it than anything else. He has to miss at least a week of work to recover from the surgery so that doesn't help either. His surgeon said he might need more than a week but I'm really hoping not. We were hoping to move into an apartment closer to his job next month and fix his non-working Ford that's been sitting non-working for a couple months now with tax return money. But that and then some will be going towards medical expenses now, so. I feel kind of like an ass complaining about that when the important thing is getting him healthy and cancer free. But at the same time, I don't want him stressing out over the financial aspect of this more than he already is because that's not going to help at all. Of course, I can't stop him from stressing about that because I know he's going to and it's a very valid concern to have. And if I focus on that then I don't have to worry about my mind wandering about complications and things that I've been told could possibly go wrong. I'd rather think about financial problems than the possibilities of things not going well at the hospital, ya know? Which is silly but I can't help but worry.

As far as the surgery goes, he's optimistic it'll go well and they'll be able to get it all so he can be cancer free again. My uncle, who is in his early 70's, just had this same procedure done last week and is home recovering and getting better daily. I've had a couple friends who have had relatives go through the same ordeal and they've all been able to come out on the better end of it. The assurance that we know several people who have had this and gotten treatment for it makes it a lot less scary. Though because of the other issues he has and the fact that stuff can go wrong at any given moment even if it's "almost" certain it will be fine, I'm still going to worry about him until they come out and tell me the surgery went well. It's not like I'm losing sleep or making myself sick with worry but I don't want to have myself in some little bubble of "everything will be fine" either. If something did go wrong, it would suck that much more if I hadn't allowed anyone negative thoughts in and just basically convinced myself everything would be dandy. A little worry is healthy. I think anyway, lol. Now I'm rambling, so enough of that.

And on the plus side, he finally has to quit smoking. Of course that means he'll be hell to be around for a while, like usual the other times he's "quit" for a short amount of time. Then eventually he'll move passed that nightmare to be around cranky stage. I'm much more happy about that part of it than he is. :D

So, if y'all could send good vibes, happy thoughts and all that good stuff our way tomorrow, it would be much appreciated. Shane's surgery is at 9:30 AM and I'll be chilling there waiting for them to slice him open and take the cancer out of him. I'm sure I'll be tweeting an annoying amount or something while I wait tomorrow in an attempt to distract myself so I'm less anxious while I wait, lol. Hopefully it all goes well.

Happy Tuesday!

I'm sorry, didn't you hear me speaking?

Something that irritates me more than anything is people who cut me off in the middle of a sentence to start talking. Or, anyone getting cut off mid-sentence annoys me to be honest. It's so rude to do that. Sure, you might be anxious to say something their story reminded you of. Or you might be bored with what they're saying and want to change the subject. Or maybe you're just self-absorbed and care more about everything you have to say over ever listening to anyone else. I'm sure there are a lot more reasons it's done and most of them just break down into the person cutting in being a rude douche.

I know several people who do this quite often and it irritates me. Then when/if I cut them off to inform them I wasn't done, I'm the rude one some how. Or, if I don't cut them off so I can finish what I was saying, I just keep going as I was and raise my voice to talk over them. Which is also rude, apparently. However, neither is as rude as someone who always jumps in mid-sentence because what they have to say is obviously going to be wiser, more funny, more important or better in some way.

That's my .02 on the subject. :)

Happy Wednesday!

Monday Stealing...

Sunday Monday Stealing
26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
Most days.

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
Music, laughter, ice skates on ice.
Alarm clock.

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
I don't play the "what if" game. It's pointless and causes needless anxiety, stress, etc.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Yes. Meh.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
My boyfriend's shoulder. A bookshelf.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
Myself, I just took a shower and smell awesome. Peach Bellini body scrub.

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
I hate hospitals.

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
Texas, thanks.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
I can't think of anyone off the top of my head.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
I'll let you know when I figure it out.

36) Define: Art.
Expression.

37) Do you believe in luck?
Not so much.

38) Patriots or Giants? Or, who gives a rat's ass?
I wanted the Patriots to win since I hate NY teams as a general rule, haha. I really didn't care one way or another.

39) Will you watch the game? If yes, with who?
I did. With some friends.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Duh and no.

41) What was the last book you read?
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" was the one I most recently finish. Currently reading "The Map of Time" by Felix J. Palma.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
I used to.

43) Do you have any nicknames?
Several. I'd share them but that's not the question, so. :p

44) What was the last movie you saw?
Underworld: Awakening. Fuck yeah blood, gore, violence and Kate Beckinsale in a vinyl bodysuit.

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
Broken tailbone. Or all the injuries I got from the car accident I was in when I was 5 and was in the hospital for a bit.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Hell no. I don't like them enough to try and catch one.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
You. How you doin'? *wink wink*

48) What's your sexual orientation?
Bisexual.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
Yeah. Not in a long time. Well, that I'm aware of. I try to stay away from people that petty and ignorant.

50) Do you believe in magic?
Duh. Have you not read Harry Potter? ;D

Happy Monday!

Peanut Butter & Banana Smoothie

I love smoothies. I'm not a big fan of most breakfast foods so I'm more prone to just eating a bowl of cereal or making a smoothie for breakfast. This is one of my favorites so I thought I'd share the recipe here. :)

Peanut Butter & Banana Smoothie

Ingredients:

• 1 tbsp flax seed

• 1/2 cup low-fat plain or vanilla yogurt

• 1 medium banana, quartered and frozen

• 2 tablespoons peanut butter

• 1 tsp honey

• 1/4 cup ice cubes

• 1/2 cup non-fat milk

Directions:

• Put ground flax seed meal or wheat germ into blender to grind and further breakdown.

• Place the banana, peanut butter, honey, yogurt, and milk into the blender. Cover, and puree until smooth.

And for those who want to keep tabs on their calorie consumption, here's some nutritional facts. The recipe makes two servings and the info below if the amount per serving. Enjoy. :)

Happy Friday!