Dear Folger's Coffee...

Dear Folger's Coffee,

I am not a fan of your coffee but I know a great many people that are.
My letter to you today doesn't have anything to do with your coffee
grounds, though. My letter is in response to your little slogan.

"The best part of waking up is Folger's in your cup!"

I do find your slogan to be very catchy. I mean, it gets stuck in my
head at times after hearing it. It even, at times, has made me want to
drink your mediocre coffee. I never do but the thought does enter my
head.

In a sense, I believe your slogan is wrong. The best part of waking up
is not having Folger's in your cup. In fact, the best part of waking
up early in the morning doesn't have a thing to do with coffee,
actially. The best part of getting up early is morning sex.

Yep, you read that right. A great start to the morning is brought on
my great morning sex. That wakes me up and brightens my morning better
than any ol' cup of coffee; mediocre or otherwise fantastic. Nope, no
cup of joe can make my morning better than an orgasm can.

Maybe your slogan should say something about the best part of waking
up is morning sex followed by Folger's in their cup. After all, some
people are gonna need that extra kick after a sexy morning workout. I
can see how this advertising might not go over well and would probably
offend people. My suggestion is to air it late at night that way it's
on people's minds before they sleep and just maybe they'll wake up
remembering that morning sex followed by a cup of your java is the
best part of waking up at ungodly hours. Just an idea.

Sincerely yours,
Amorous Rocker

((Yes, I wrote this as a joke. Yes, I really think they're coffee
isn't that good. Yes, I really think sex is the best way to start the
day. No, I do not drink coffee post morning orgasm. I rarely drink
coffee actually. Yes, I did write this post morning sex. No, I'm not
crazy. Not entirely. No, there aren't pictures or video of said
morning sex. Yes, it was great.))

Happy Wednesday y'all!!!!