Hey! Have you seen the rainman looking to the sky begging for sunlight?

Just because...I'm quiet, doesn't mean that I don't have a lot I want to say. I just don't always know how to say what I want. Other times, I know I'll only be wasting my breath or throwing gasoline onto a smoldering fire. Some things really are better left unsaid.

Just because....I'm sarcastic doesn't mean I can't handle being serious. I don't have to make light of everything and serious things don't tend to make me uncomfortable. Sarcasm is just a part of who I am. I have a quick wit and I'm more likely to come up with a sarcastic remark or something to make someone laugh over being serious.

Just u....I forgive, doesn't mean I forget. Forgiving is just me letting go of something I don't want to hold on to any longer. I let go because I don't want it having any power over me. I don't forget though.

Just because....I'm stubborn doesn't mean I always think I'm right.

Just because....I'm cynical doesn't mean I think everyone is lying all the time. I'm always skeptical and need to analyze things. I need to see to understand. Don't take it personally.

Just because....I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve doesn't mean I don't have any. I just don't show them easily.


I hate being late.

I love the smell of gasoline.

I love swords, daggers, crossbows, throwing stars, throwing knives, whips are other weapons. I wouldn't use them but collect, definitely. Weapons, especially of the medieval and martial arts variety, fascinate me.

I always look at deserted buildings and try to imagine what kind of things and people were there when it was still bustling and full of life.

I find most deserted buildings to be lovely in their own right.

Are you strolling by Hot Dads yet? It's a blog with an eclectic mix of dads posting about all kinds of entertaining stuff. Stories, opinions, bitching and all kinds of things. All from the man point of view. If you haven't dropped by there yet, you should. ;)

My Stars played Edmonton last night. We won! 4 to 2. I got to watch the game on the DVR after work. What a game. There was a LOT of hitting going on. I wanted to jump through the screen and smack some bitches a few times too! Whatever though, we won so there. =D My Stars play again on Saturday and IT'S AN EARLY GAME! I can actually watch it while it's on instead of watching it on the DVR hours later. Woohoo. GO STARS!

Today is PAYDAY! Woohoo! Payday is one of my favorite days of the week. Hopefully tonight at work goes smoothly. Much drama going on with a lot of the chicks at work. Some of it's aimed at me and LS too. I just try to ignore them. Fuck those bitches. Not literally but y'all know what I mean. ;)

I should be able to get a Saturday Survey up tomorrow. I didn't get to last weekend because of the crappy internet connection. Or lack of any connection actually, lol.

Happy Friday!!!!!

And if you get inside my head, then you'd understand....

Holy shit! I just realized I've gotten to 69,000 hits since setting up my counter here in August. I moved my blog to this link in June of last year. Then I set up the new counter in August last year once I found one I liked that didn't suck. Almost to 70,000! Crazy shit. Thanks y'all!

Seriously. I need help setting up a tag/label cloud. I was hoping Blogger would have one in their "Add A Gadget" thing in layout editing but nope, not as far as I saw. I tried using a couple different codes I found on some help sites but couldn't get it right. Any help would rock hard, thanks so much.

My friend BB asked me if she could do a blog interview with me and I said go for it. So, she thought up some questions for me, asked them, I answered and here they are. Oooh yeah.


1. Out of all the people in your life, who do you admire the most?

My dad. He's very hardworking. He listens. He will tell you straight up how something is and doesn't sugarcoat things. He can be a bit of an ass but I admire his honesty. I admire his hard work.


2. What has been the hardest decision of your life?

I've had some difficult ones to make. Ones that have kept me up at night because I just didn't know what to do. Ones that made me want to punch things and cry at the same time because I knew someone would be hurt any way that I went about it. Yeah, there have been some stressful, difficult ones but I don't want to mention any of those things in detail. I don't think I've had to make one that could be qualified as the "hardest" yet.


3. What is a decision that would have been the hardest had you actually had to make it?

Okay so I had to email BB and get clarification on the question to make sure I was answering this one right, lol. She explained it as this: "What I mean is in a situation that could have happened differently, how would you have handled it? Pick something that would have been very difficult to decide had it gone differently than it had." I'm still not sure I'm answering it the way she was hoping for but here we go.

I think the one time when I was 21 and thought I might have been pregnant could have been the hardest one. I was three weeks late on my period. Mine is very irregular and inconsistent as it is but it's never been that late and I've never flat out missed one before. I was at Boyfriend's house and we had gone to get some pregnancy tests. That was the scariest few minutes of my life and I think had I been pregnant, the following decisions would have been the hardest I've ever had to make.

Ironically, a while later when I was working and living with family, I was having anxiety issues worse than I normally do. I was trying to overcome an experience that still had too much hold on me. I was sick to my stomach and puking a lot because I was so damn anxious and stressing so much that I was making myself sick with it. My mom thought I was pregnant though and wanted me to take a pregnancy test because she seemed convinced that is what it was. I was so relaxed and didn't stress at all taking that pregnancy test because I knew there was no fucking way I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I hadn't been having sex at all. I did the test anyway just so my mom and family could know I really wasn't pregnant though. I laughed about it later because out of all the times I've taken a pregnancy test, (which hasn't been a lot but more than twice because I used to freak out about being a week late when I was younger and would think the worst instead of saying, *Duh you're cycle is irregular and crazy!*) that one was the absolute easiest because I just knew it wasn't it.


4. Do you get along with your boyfriend's family?

Yeah. I didn't get along with his mom at first but we had some mutual misunderstandings because neither of is knew the other and we both misinterpreted some things about the other. We get along great now. When I went to visit in November, she was so excited to see me. And at Christmas time, she spent too much money on stuff for me. His mama spoils me too. =) His grandmother is awesome and sweet. And feisty. I really enjoy sitting and talking with her. His sister and I get along okay enough. If I had to see her more, not so sure we would still get along so well, lol.


5. If you could be a fictional character from one of your favorite books, who would you pick and why?

Probably Anita Blake from Laurell K.Hamilton's Anita Blake books. I adore the shit out of the character. She gets to slay and go toe to toe with all kinds of supernatural beings. She's smart, sassy, strong, feisty. The personality of the character reminds me a little of myself in some ways. Plus, she's a fucking badass.

Happy Thursday y'all!!!!!

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing...

I had never seen the movie Juno. Until yesterday. I have to watch it again though. I was distracted and only loosely paying attention to the movie anyway. Juno seemed like an interesting, quirky character though. I don't have any real opinion about it though. Other than the opinion that I should watch it again and give it my full attention instead of just using it for a distraction here and there. A distraction from my distraction. How clever. It's not typically the kind of movie I get into but the characters, a few anyway, seem quirky and intriguing. If I watch it again and think it blows, oh well. I've wasted more time on worse movies. If you've seen it once or ten times, feel free to share your opinion of the movie.

I can't sleep with the bathroom door open. I can't even see the bathroom much less the door from my bed. It's around a corner. I see the wall. I know the bathroom is on the other side. It bothers me to know that the door is open though so I have to close it every night before I go to bed. No clue why. I'm not even going to try and figure this one out either.

I had a dream Monday night about having a pet dolphin who lived in the lagoon that was in the backyard of the house I was living in. Which ironically wasn't a house but a dark, brooding, very old Gothic looking castle. The lagoon was surrounded by grass, purple grass actually. The dolphin only spoke French. So, I was trying fiercely to learn French so that I could communicate with this pet dolphin in the backyard. Then in the midst of things, a tsunami happened in the lagoon and killed the dolphin and consequently washed my castle away. Which was fine, turns out the purple grass was magical and I just had to pick some and then throw it into the wind with a picture in my mind of what my new house should look like. Then boom! New house appears, right there. Wayne Gretzky was my butler. I so didn't have a butler in mind when I tossed the purple grass into the wind. Especially not him. If it had to be a hockey player, why couldn't it be one I really really really adore? C'mon now.

Wednesday Weirdness #43
Come play with us! Click the link and let us know you joined in.

1. What is the most exciting part of a sexual encounter for you?

I have a few things. The anticipation of foreplay ending and sex beginning. Those few seconds where it goes from foreplay to penetration, oh my gosh. Also, I find all the sensations exciting as hell too. I'm a sensory person so my boyfriend is always touching, pulling, biting or something like that but never in any order or pattern. It drives me nuts. Also, I love that we never have any kind of routine. No this goes with this. Lets do this and when we do, this this and that go along with it. It's always different and exciting, I never know what exactly will happen next because we just go with the flow and the moods change from one minute to the next sometime.


2. What is your favorite way to relax after sex?

Stretching out in bed, not saying much, listening to music or listening to nothing at all. Cooling off and just laying there, enjoying the feel of the tingles dissipating and the sensations fading away. Ice cream is good too if I can will myself out of bed, lol.


3. Do you find sex with someone you have emotional attachment with to be better than casual fucking with someone you don't have emotional attachment with?

I think physically, it depends on the person. Chemistry and emotional connection does make it better though. You can connect on a physical, mental and emotional level and just click. Casual fucking is nice and pleasurable but I get more from someone I have a deeper connection with.


4. What was the last really horrible movie you watched? (At home, theater, etc)

Tropic Thunder. If that counts. I didn't watch much of it.


5. What are 3 things some one could do or say during foreplay that would kill the mood for you?

Puking. Drunken sex can be fun but seriously, if you've had too much then please know that you need to pass out and try for sex in the morning. Puking, just the sounds and smells grosses me out enough that I wouldn't wanna go any further.

Not seem into it. If I'm doing something and there isn't clear signs of it being enjoyed, I'm going to think you're not having a good time and that kills it for me.

Compare me to an ex while we're fooling around. I've got them. You've got them. We've all got them. You can tell me things you like and what not but there's no need to get statistical and break out comparison notes between me and an ex.

I have to add a 4th one. Really bad body odor. I mean I know we're about to get all hot and sweaty but come on. If you smell like a garbage truck, I'm so not doing shit with you.


6. Where do you think the best place to buy sexy lingerie is? Why?

Fredericks of Hollywood. They have some hot stuff that fits my boob size and the rest of me proportionately.


7. Do you think how a person dances gives you a glimpse to how they perform in bed?

Lol. No. My boyfriend couldn't dance well to save his life honestly. I have no complaints in the other department though. Maybe not so much the dance moves but how they carry themselves when they dance (or try to) is more like it. I dunno. I don't care.


8. When was the last time you got served breakfast in bed?

It's been a while, lol. Last time was when I was 18, with my ex. He used to do that once in a while when I slept over. First time he did, he ended up spilling the juice and coffee on me. What a way to wake up. After that initial mishap, it was pretty cool when he would do that. Got to have it on one of those little serving trays that prop up though. I can't deal with crumbs in the bed. Ick.

That's all for that. Oh one last thing. Could anyone out there help a girl out with making a label/tag cloud or pointing me in the direction to the code of one that actually effing works? Thanks. ;)

Happy Wednesday!

Just open your eyes and see that life if beautiful...

I'm kind of really excited because I'm getting a new cell phone! My first one with the full QWERTY keyboard crap. Woohoo right? I had to get a new one anyway because my former craptastic decent cell phone is acting up. It likes to turn itself off ten or twenty times a day. Likes to not send text messages. Miss calls. Delete voicemails I haven't got to listen to yet. All kinds of awesome less than great shit. I'm getting the Samsung Propel. In this lovely badass red color. It's already been purchased, just have to wait until it arrives in the mail in a few days.

The even more awesome thing is that I didn't have to pay $250 or more for it. That would suck. Luckily, it didn't cost quite that much for me because I'm a lucky girl. =)

Yesterday afternoon, I was cleaning out some bags and found a book I got but hadn't read. I forgot about picking it up. I remember getting it though, a few months ago, lol. "Magic To The Bone" by Devon Monk. The cover had been what caught my eye. I had never heard of the author before so I checked out the book description then flipped through the book a little, reading a little here and there. It sounded interesting enough so I got it. I figure it was only $6 so if it sucked, oh well. Anyway, I pulled it out and decided to sit down and start it. I only got maybe 20 pages into it but so far, I'm liking it. That doesn't mean much though. I've read books where I get a quarter of the way through it and then I go a little further and it starts sucking. Then further still and I lose interest. Sometimes I can read along through books like that. I don't want to really but I can't stop because even though it sucks, I want to know what else happens and how things end. Then some books start out great but then there gets to be too much love and romance mixed in with it and I lose interest. I can deal with a little of that but if I wanted to read a romance novel, I'd buy one of those over the thrillers and sci-fi books that I do get. Anyway, we'll see how this one goes but hopefully I keep liking it. It seems interesting so far and I hope it stays that way.

Monday night, work stayed steady for the most part. Then the rain got heavier, it got colder and people freaked out and ran into their homes. Locked the door and said goodnight to the outside. Then work got very boring, very quickly. I got off like 45 minutes earlier than scheduled. Not complaining either. I went to Wally World after that. I had some stuff to buy. Hair stuff, new hair brush, new facial cleanser, this this and that. (Side note: They BADLY need an Ulta in these parts. I needed some hair stuff and it's not something Wally World would even carry. Ulta, I miss you, you have spoiled me. Thank you on-line shopping though.) Then I decided I wanted to go buy two new pillows. I like something that's firm but soft and comfy as well. They have these ones I like and they're a little expensive but not so much. It's Wally World, they don't have luxury 50 dollar pillows so it wasn't too bad price wise. I wouldn't pay 50 bucks for a single pillow anyway. Unless it could massage my scalp, neck and shoulders then maybe I'd consider it. No, for 50 it should do that and make me coffee. Mmm. A coffee making pillow would be strange though. How would you like to wake up with your pillow sliding out from under you, waddling down the hall and into the kitchen. Then you walk in there and there's your pillow, chillin' on the counter making some coffee. Kind of weird. I digress. I got way excited about my new pillow purchase. I like a lot of pillows on my bed. I don't mean those frilly ridiculous deco pillows either. Sorry, I think those things are dumb for the most part. If I'm buying a pillow and stacking it on my bed, I want something soft and comfortable that I will actually use and enjoy. Not some embroidered or rockin' designed thing I'm just going to have on there to look good. Anyway, I had two pillows I wanted to get rid of because they're old and limp. They're dead. Time to get rid of them and move on down the dream road. So, I spent 20 something on two new ones. I was happy pulling the pillow cases off the two old ones and shimmying them onto the new ones. They're soooo awesome. I haven't even used them yet but I had to lean on them while I was laying in the floor watching a movie. I'm happy. Oh and I got some cute as hell little rainbow colored boxer shorts on clearance for $3. They're as cute as a fluffy little non-rabid bunny.

I love the Redbox rental DVD thing. It's like 1.07 once they add the tax onto the $1 part and seriously. Netflix isn't even that cheap. Blockbuster's and Hollywood Video definitely aren't that cheap. Buying a DVD that looks good in trailers but sucks balls as a whole is a waste. So I've become addicted to renting from the Redbox. It's cheap and convenient. Plus, it holds a shit load of movies and I haven't heard of so many of the ones in there. Which means I get to try out movies and maybe find one that rocks my world or fucks my mind, in a good way mind you. I love a good mind fuck movie. I love movies that make my think and keep me guessing. I also love movies that will make me laugh. Movies with tons of explosions. Blood and gore is a plus too as long as it isn't insanely predictable. Though right now I'm really wanting to get out my Underworld 2 DVD and watch that again. I just keep forgetting. After I took LS and YB to see Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, we re-watched the first Underworld again. I fucking love those movies. Though if you watch the first one after seeing the third one, you notice a few minor errors they made but it's not a big deal really. It doesn't take away anything from the movies at all. Seriously, I want a 4th one now, lol. Are you with me? ;)

Oh and my Stars beat the Columbus Blue Jackets yesterday! I got to see most of the first period before I went to work. It went to overtime and then to a shoot out and we won! It's so hard to leave when the game is on so when it gets close to the time I need to leave, I bolt during a commercial break. Though sometimes, given game play, I leave late because a damn commercial doesn't come at the opportune time. I can't run out in the middle of play. ;)

This picture is from the game against the Vancouver Canucks on Friday the 13th. We won that one too. Yay! =) I think this is a really cool picture though.




Okay so that does it for me today. Oh one more thing! Don't forget tomorrow is Wednesday Weirdness day. The questions are supposed to be up some time in the afternoon or evening today so pop on by and play why don't ya? ;)

Oh and if you're the anonymous commenter who posed a scenario and question here, email me if you'd like an answer or some kind of response. :)

Happy Tuesday!

Your blinding smile is only your illusion, stop, baby don't breath....

"Why do we fall sir?

So we can learn to pick ourselves back up."

That is one of my favorite lines out of the movie Batman Begins. Of course, I had heard something similar long before the movie was thought up. Just sayin', the line and the scene it happens in are among my favorites in the movie. I love the movie too because hey, I love just about anything that has to do with Batman. Not to mention I think Christopher Nolan rocks.

One of my favorite ways to relax after work is to watch a movie. I don't care for much that comes on television. I'm a House freak. I love CSI. I find other shows entertaining but I don't try to keep up with much. I'd rather watch sports or a movie. I get home from work between midnight and 2 am, so there isn't much in sports for me to watch. Unless I have a Stars game from the night recorded on the DVR because I missed it earlier because of that job thing. So generally, I prefer to watch a movie after work to relax. Or at least part of one I've seen before if I'm not going to be able to stay awake for it all, lol. I like my job for the most part. I like most of my managers for the most part too. It's my co-workers and the customers that irritate me. I can't stand how petty, immature, two-faced, gossipy, self-entitled, over-inflated and ignorant my co-workers are for the most part. The customers, it's about half and half with. Some days better, some days worse. You just have to try and not let people get to you too much. I used to get so annoyed, so much more easily than I do now. I learned not to let people piss on my parade and make my day more shitty. They can only do that if I allow them to influence me so. Most days I remember that and don't let people get to me. Some days, I slip. Thankfully, I always remember later. After I'm done slamming things around and venting my anger through actions and noises. ;)

Anyway.... My Stars play tonight! I'll be at work though. I always wear a Stars tshirt (I have 4 or 5 different ones, lol) under my work shirt on game nights I have to be at work. I'm not sure why I do that either. I just started doing it. The night I started doing it, they lost. I still do it anyway. Recently, we've done pretty badass. I'm talking weeks, not the last couple games, lol. Hopefully they do well in the game tonight. GO STARS!

I haven't had much internet here in the last few days. The weather has been terribly crappy. Lots of strong wings, cold, rain, ice, snow and all that fun shit. We have wireless. It doesn't like to keep a signal for long. I actually wrote this post out in MS Word and then when the internet was working for a few minutes, hopped on and set it to auto post. While I miss reading the blogs and being able to respond to the emails I have stacking up (I'll get to them as I can =D) what sucks more is not being able to check on the couple games I play on-line and not being able to get on NHL.com, lol. I'm lame, I know this and I'm fine with it. My games I play are interactive games so my characters on them need tending to on a regular basis. I'm missing doing that, lol. I'm not your hardcore total OMG I'M HAVING WITHDRAWALS type gamer but I'm semi-addicted to the couple I do play. Which reminds me. I LOVE the Nintendo DS Lite that Boyfriend got me for That Holiday. I knew I loved those things already. Youngest Brother has an original DS and I loved playing that thing. My issue is, especially with the Guitar Hero game, is that I sit down to play it for half and hour and then I'm playing for an hour or longer. I say I'll play one more song and then five songs later, I put it down. I'll clear one more level on this game and then I'll be done. Then six levels later, I'll finally put it down. I get sucked into that shit and end up playing for longer than I intend to, lol. I want some of those Brain games too. I love doing things like those and I already know I'll get stuck on them too. It's the same with books. My biggest problem with books is I go through them too fast. I'll say I'm going to stop for the day at the ending of chapter five and then by chapter twelve, I finally put the book down. Usually because I have something else I actually have to do, not because I'm tired of reading, lol. I get lost in things I really enjoy. I don't mind. Sometimes, it's annoying though since I know I could have gotten something more productive done. It doesn't bother me or effect me negatively enough to change it though so I'm good.

Oh you know what pisses me off? When you're watching a movie and the DVD/BluRay player just fucking flakes out and the movie freezes. You can try all the ways you're supposed to to make it work, to make it go but nothing. Wait, wait, wait. Troubleshoot this, troubleshoot that. You're restarting your damn movie, all over from the beginning. That little power light blinks right off as you're resetting it and it's totally mocking you. Simple little human, slave to the electronic devices. You push the buttons but who ends up frustrated when it doesn't work right or when it malfunctions? Yuh, we do. Of course, I don't believe the BluRay player we have has any emotions or feelings but it sounds all dramatic like to make it seem like there's a bigger plan in the scheme of things other than the simple fact that there was some kind of lame malfunction in the hardware. C'mon now. =)

That's enough rambling for today. I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. =)

Happy Monday!

It just takes some time...

I'm not really a flowers girl. There are a couple I like though.

Irises.
Lilies.

That's it. No roses for me. I think they're ugly little things honestly.

I don't care much for flowers as it is because I have horrid allergies and I rarely am able to smell them anyway. It's more the act and the affection behind it that I appreciate more than the actual flowers. My boyfriend sent me flowers though. He enjoys sending them to me and it makes me happy that he enjoys it, I think it's dorky but cute. So, I got a box from Pro Flowers. My favorite stargazer lilies with blue irises. Awwww. So I got a rockin' Nintendo DS Lite and some pretty flowers from my adoring boyfriend. Isn't he the sweetest?

BB picked me to be featured for her Beautiful People #2. There are I think 6 or maybe 7 other lovely people featured also. So you should go check that out once you're done here. ;)

My Stars play tonight against Vancouver! I'll be at work during the game but.... Yay DVR! =) GO STARS!

There's a deaf guy that comes up to my job for drinks. Sometimes for drinks and food. Sometimes drinks and dessert. He comes once a week. He's around 20 to 23 I think. I'm not sure and I'm just guessing from how he looks. I'd put him in my age range though. He's deaf but he's absolutely one of the sweetest people I've met. To order, he either writes every detail out on the paper or he points to the menu to the exact things he wants to get. When it comes time to pay, I just show him the receipt and point to the total. He usually nods and then pays. Any conversation comes only by writing it out on paper. He always writes out please and thank you. I found out what the signing for "have a good night means" from him and he always does that too. He's a sweet guy and I really enjoy getting to wait on him. Once a month or there about, he comes in with 3 other guys who are all also deaf. They all act exactly as he does when it comes to ordering, paying and conversing anything they need from me. They can't speak but still, in the way they communicate, they are all polite and nice.

What pisses me off about this guy and his friends? Yeah, there's something that pisses me off. It has everything to do with them but yet, it has nothing to do with them in a way. My co-workers are fucking ridiculous assholes. They see the guys come up and they argue about who "has to deal with them" and thus it begins. A chorus of "you do it" and "I'm not dealing with that" and "I don't want to have to go through that much trouble just to serve a customer" and other various ridiculous lines rise up and they argue amongst themselves about it. It pisses me the fuck off so bad.

Those guys can't help that they're deaf. They didn't ask for it. They didn't do a damn thing at all, it just is what it is. They do require more attention than other customers but who cares? They're less problematic than some of the ones who speak but can't order. The ones who order a burger and then eat half of it, then complain because it has pickles and oh they hate pickles. They didn't notice until they ate half the burger and now they want a new one or want their portion of the meal for free. Those people are a bigger pain in the ass then these four deaf guys are. Those people can be less of a pain in the ass but choose not to. The deaf guys are some of the easiest customers ever. They always make sure to be very clear in what they want and I've yet to have a single problem come from one of them. So what that they require a special way to get their order? So what that they need a little help? It's no big fucking deal. To hear the people I work with argue over it pisses me off.

About a month ago, I was working a Monday night and the deaf guy was up there. Two girls and a guy were arguing about who would handle him. I listened as they argued over who would have to do it because none of them did. They were all refusing. I was taken back by their ignorance. I said as much when I told them they were "fucking stupid assholes" as I went to grab a pen and paper so I could help the deaf guy. I went back and my co-workers asked me what my deal was. I went off on them telling them how incredibly ridiculous, ignorant and pathetic they were being. Not that it mattered. They cared more about the fact that I'd called them stupid assholes more than anything else. Which pissed me off more. I worked the next two hours of my shift that night not speaking to those co-workers because I was so pissed off at the reminder of how pathetic people can be over things like that.

Aside from me, one guy is willing to always help them and does so when I'm not there or can't get to them. I'm sure one other girl would too but she's never had to since she always works when I work and I always try to get to them as soon as they let it be known they're ready. Out of all the employees we have, it's ridiculous that only a few are willing to help those guys just because of them being deaf. It's ridiculous and pathetic in my opinion. I'd rather deal with them all night long over some of the rude, annoying assholes that I have to deal with instead.

Fuck You to those co-workers and to anyone else out there who would be so pathetic as to ignore, make fun of or mistreat someone in any way solely because of a difference they have no control over. How fucking wonderful it must be to be so damn perfect.

Happy Friday!!!!!

Have a Great Weekend Y'all!

Love sings, when it transcends the bad things....

I have been called a slut more than my fair share of times. Whore, skank, hoe, tramp, cock whore, cum dumpster and tons of other lamely crafted nicknames that all mean the same basic thing. Sometimes it's said jokingly, mildly with affection but mostly in jest. More often than not though, it's being said with the negativity that most people associate with those terms.

It's never really bothered me though because I don't think I'm a slut. Sometimes, it does piss me off if it's coming from some moron who can't argue properly and resorts to name calling. Or if the girl calling me a whore is someone who spends twice as much time on her back as I do with three times as many different people. Then shh, bitch please. Mostly though, it's just a stupid term, a silly little word, that means very little to me.

Tell me, who cares who I fuck or how many I fuck as long as I'm doing it safely? Why does it concern anyone else? The only people it should concern are the ones doing anything physical with me.

I have never cheated on anyone. I wouldn't ever cheat on someone. I don't cross boundaries. I don't deceive. I always made sure anyone I got physically involved understood what was going on and what I wanted. If what I wanted was something casual, I made it known. If I was hoping for me, I made it known. If I didn't want to go passed a certain activity point, it was known.

Does it make me a bad person because I like sex?

Does it make me a bad person because I've had sex with more than one person?

Does it make me a bad person because I like sex with both males and females?

No, I don't think it does.

Do I have low self esteem?

Do I have low self worth?

Do I lack self respect?

No, no and no again.

I don't have sex to make myself feel good about who I am. I don't use sex to get what I want. I don't use sex to make anyone do things I want them to do. I don't use it for power, control, advancement or manipulation. I don't use it to feel wanted, loved or needed. I don't do it to feel worthy of anything. I do it simply because I enjoy it.

Some people do it for those reasons. I don't think those are good reasons to have sex honestly but it's not my business if I'm not involved. I think it's shitty to use it as a form of control. I think it's shitty to use it to manipulate. I wish those who use it as a means of esteem or to feel loved could get what they're looking for another way because people are worth more than just that. Whatever works for them though.

Some people think you shouldn't fuck until you're married. Some people think if you fuck more than 3 people, you're a whore. Some think this. Some think that. It's about your own morals, beliefs and perspective on the subject.

I remember a couple weeks ago, they were talking sluts at work again. I asked, again, what made one a slut. Different people in this convo as opposed to the last time. The girl said anyone who had slept with more than 5 people was a slut. The guy said anything in double digits made one a slut. The guy asked how many people I had slept with. I responded, "Enought to make me a really big slut by y'alls standards." Which is true, by their standards and how they think of things. Which is fine for them. I don't happen to agree but I can respect what they want to think and believe in. We talked a few more minutes and then it was done bun can't be undone and over with.

I don't care if someone wants to fuck 50 people. I won't assume they're doing it for any one reason or another. That's their business and not mine honestly.

What I care about is people who don't do it safely. I care about that. I care about the fact that people spread sexual diseases and infections around like it's nothing just because they don't like how a condom feels and want to fuck around a lot. I care about chicks getting knocked up by guys they won't be with in 6 months. I care about kids bringing kids into this world when they can't take care of themselves. I care about grown people bringing 10 kids into this world when they can't take care of 2. I care about people not practicing sex safely. Nothing is 100% effective but to not use condoms because you don't like the feel? Give me a fucking break. To not use birth control because you're too lazy or too embarrassed to go get yourself on it? The money excuse doesn't work. There are plenty of places you can get it for free. Even if you're underage. You can get free condoms and tons of other helpful things too. There is no excuse for having unprotected sex. If you're going to do it, you better be able to handle the consequences that very well may come along with it. Be it disease, infection, unplanned pregnancy or anything else.

I don't care if you want to fuck 30 different people in 30 different days. I don't care if it's your mission to fuck one person from every state. I don't care if your goal is to fuck yourself into an orgasm coma. Whatever floats your fucking boat. Just do it safely. There's no excuse not to. If you're too embarrassed to buy condoms or too embarrassed to get on some form of birth control, you don't need to be having sex. That's just my opinion though. If you can't deal with it responsibly, you don't need to be doing it at all.


Did you see this post complete with pictures?! It's my post from yesterday. I want to brag pimp it some more. ;) I sent Boyfriend his box of stuff off today. Can't tell y'all what I sent him though. Just in case he stops by to read before the box gets there. Maybe he'll blog about it when he gets it, lol. Doubt it though. ;)

Is anyone tired of the gothy pictures yet? Too bad if you are, lol. I totally have far too many of these things. Which is why I'm posting 4 each week. ;)

Happy Thursday!