Orange Mango Grape...

I worked a 12 and 1/2 hour shift yesterday. I got home after midnight so The Boyfriend was asleep. He started his new job this week, which requires him to be up by 6 AM to get ready to start his day. I walked into the room quietly, set all my stuff down and then went to get a quick shower. Then, I dressed in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt and went to lay down in bed. I got in bed gently, which really wasn't necessary. The Boyfriend is a heavy sleeper. I could jump on the bed and he wouldn't budge. I got in gently just in case, though. I leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek. He did a little smile and stirred a little bit, then wraps his arm around me and pulls me up against him. I asked, quietly, if I woke him up. He says nothing so I know I didn't. I laid there like that for a while, just relaxing and de-stressing from the super long day at work. I didn't have the best day and that helped, even if he wasn't actually awake.

I took this picture last night at work. It's just a picture of a shot on the TV....


I like that score. They were playing the Tigers and all but... they weren't leading Detroit for the whole game so I was worried at one point that maybe sweeping the Yankees over the weekend (nope, still not tired of saying that! :D) might have taken some juice out of my Rangers. No worries, though. Obviously, lol.

Also, I decided I'm going to try doing the Toys For Tots Fundraiser again this year! Lots of bloggers and blog readers and etc donated money last year and helped make it a huge success. Well, by my standards and given the time I decided I wanted to do it in, I'd say it was huge. Click the link to see the posts and see what I'm talking about. I'm going to start in mid-October I think and will post more details starting then. :)

I need to start jotting down random notes during the day. I always think of amusing and/or interesting things I want to blog about in the middle of the day while work tends to be slow and I'm spacing out. Then at night when I'm exhausted or early in the morning when I'm still half asleep, I can never remember any of the stuff I want to post on here. I don't always have time to write the ideas down when I get them but I'll figure something out. Not to be more entertaining or whatever. It's just annoying me that I think up good stuff I want to write about then can't remember while I'm writing.

I do have some dreams I've had recently I want to blog about. For now, I need to pass out. I'm exhausted and don't even know why I'm still up this late. Or why I got back up after I laid down in the first place. I seriously love that you can set blogs to post at any time, though. :D So while it's 3 AM now, this sucker won't see the light of the blog-o-sphere for another 3 hours. I hope to be in a state of complete passed the fuck out at that time. So happy I'm only working an 8 hour shift today so I won't be going in too horribly early. :D

Happy Wednesday, y'all!

Life isn't always pretty.

My mom and two youngest siblings will be here this coming weekend from California! Mom, LS and YB were planning to move back to Texas in January. They were going to visit in October for an extended amount of time so my mom could be around to help my grandparents out with the recent issues my grandfather has been having.

However, more stuff has happened. Grandpa is having issues getting blood flowing to his heart and brain now. If he falls down (which he's doing a lot) and doesn't get upright quickly, he could die in minutes. So, mom's SUV is in the shop as of today getting repaired and then her and YB and LS will be driving back to Texas for a while. So my mom can help look after Grandpa because it's just too much for my Granny. She's not in good health either (breast cancer and other issues) and plus, she's just too old to keep doing like she has been.

So, while I'm happy I get to see my mom and two of my siblings (I haven't seen them in a year) I'm also sad that it's not for a very good reason. I know death is an inevitable part of life but it still hurts. Watching someone that means so much to you deteriorate in health hurts. I know people say to focus on the good and I do. The bad is still there and I won't pretend it doesn't exist just because pain, suffering and sadness makes people uncomfortable. We're allowed to be sad and hurt over things. We don't have to pretend everything is okay all of the time. There's nothing wrong with being sad and hurting when someone you care for is hurting, suffering, dying. I won't focus on all of the negative and I agree, you shouldn't dwell on the bad or hurtful things in life that happen because it is a part of life, it does happen and you have to cope and accept it. I just think it's ridiculous how often and how quickly people want to change the subject to "remember the good times and be happy for the time you've had" because that's easier to deal with.

I already know to do that. I already know I'm lucky and I already have been recalling great memories of times together and appreciating what he's meant to me. I'm not going to ignore the bad, though. I'm not going to not cry or pretend that it doesn't hurt or pretend that remembering all the good makes it hurt any less. I'm sorry to the people it makes uncomfortable but that's just the way it is. It's just part of life. And life? It's not always full of sunshine, rainbows, happy days and pretty things.

XoXo

TRUTH!

My friend uploaded this to her Facebook and then tagged a bunch of people to it. I like it enough that I wanted to post it on my blog. Obviously, eh? So, enjoy. :)



And yes, I know it's not always so cut and dry/black and white but I like the basic principle here. I get so tired of people bitching and moaning about things and yet never even attempting to try and do anything about them.

Have a great weekend.
XoXo

BANANAS!

I want to say thank you to everyone who has suggested potassium for my weird toe cramping. However.....
I take two of those daily already. I've taken potassium for several years now because I would get terrible cramps in my legs that would be so bad that I couldn't move until the pain subsided through massaging it out. Which sometimes took several minutes to get done. If it happened while I was asleep, I'd always wake up and feel panicky before I realized what was wrong and try to get it to stop. So since I already have to take those little buggers, that's why the toe cramping throws me off a bit. I do appreciate that some of you are nice enough to toss out some suggestions to try and help a relative stranger, though. :)

Anyway.... :)

I don't have to go into work until 5 PM tonight. So, I slept in. Which was glorious. I woke up without the aid of an alarm clock then proceeded to lay in bed for half an hour listening to the rain pound away at the windows for half an hour. It was a nice way to wake up. Now the rain can stop for a while until after I've got to work. I don't mind driving in the rain per se but I hate that people drive so stupidly in it. I also never know how early to leave. I left half an hour earlier than I normally do (and I'm already normally 10 to 15 minutes early for work as it is) yesterday and still barely made it to work on time because I encountered FOUR different car accidents on the way there and that slowed me down considerably. I'm not looking for suggestions, just rambling and maybe bitching a little, lol. I just leave early and thankfully, I always have a book with me if I get there too early. Also, there's a coffee place right by my job that rocks so that's a good place to go if I have some time to kill, too.

Happy Wednesday, y'all!
XoXo

Miscellany like whoa....

I closed last night at work and have to be back by 10 AM to work a double shift. 10-3 and then 4-10. Yeehaw. Last night was mostly slow but there were some parts that were busy. One right before close. Drunk customers can be amusing and wonderful. They can also be a pain in the ass and obnoxious. So, the last part of my night was stressful and I don't stress easily. The weather has been cooling off to he mid-80's here the last few nights. Which is so much nicer than it being 90-something and humid as hell. Something that always chills me out is rolling the windows down and rocking the fuck out while I drive home. Something about the fresh air hitting me, rolling through the car, speeding down the highway with some really great metal going just flat out relaxes me. It's one of the best ways for me to de-stress when I need to. So last night, I rolled the windows down and did just that. It was a great drive home and I felt cheerful by the time I pulled into the driveway. Also, tired. So very tired, lol.

One of my awesome friends came up to my job last night to eat. He brought me steamed rice and orange chicken from a Chinese place because I've been craving orange chicken like crazy lately. Then I got busy after two bites of it and didn't get to eat the rest for a couple hours. Lucky for me, I don't mind if my food isn't steaming hot. For the most part. Some things, I can't eat if they're not warm. The orange chicken was sooo good. I got a fortune cookie with a blank fortune, though. I was so disappointed. I rarely get fortune cookies so when I do, I want to be amused or roll my eyes at whatever sage advice or fantastic prediction I'm getting. FAIL.

BOY MEETS WORLD seasons are out on DVD. I LOVE THAT SHOW. Seasons 1-3 are the ones out right now. I need to acquire all three of them. Yes, need. I don't watch a lot of TV so I don't own a lot of TV shows on DVD. I have Will & Grace, House, Big Bang Theory and some Family Guy. Now, I need some Boy Meets World. :D

My toes have been cramping lately. I'm not sure what's going on there or why it's happening. It feels really awkward when it happens, though. I wish it would stop. That would be great.

HOCKEY SEASON STARTS SOON!! I know y'all have missed reading my posts about hockey related stuff. :p Of course, I could talk about the Rangers right now but the way they have played the last few games hasn't made me want to write anything on them, lol. I hope they get their groove back soon. Oh and people should stop injuring themselves. That, would be all kinds of fantastic.

I know these random posts where I just ramble about shit don't get a lot of comments but I don't care. I love doing these posts. I write my blog for me and just get happy that other people happen to, at times, enjoy my rambling. These posts are great for me because I can just ramble about boring stuff on my mind and get it out there so I can stop having it float around in my head space taking up valuable room that other things are waiting to take over. :p

I should definitely be sleeping since I have to be up for work in 6 hours. Why am I still awake? I was exhausted earlier and now I'm just feeling a bit wired. Ah well. I'm sure once I lay down and put on some Opeth I'll be lulled right into a nice sleep. Hopefully. Opeth is great "lulled to sleep" music for me, though. Depending on the album. :)

Happy Tuesday!

This, that, the other thing...

Musical Monday brings you "Maybe" by Sick Puppies. I love this band. They rock live. He seriously sounds better live and they put on a hell of a show. I don't relate to this song but I love it anyway.




I took The Boyfriend out for dinner last night. Nothing fancy or anything but it was nice to have the day off work and to go out to dinner with him. I hardly ever see him anymore because our work schedules clash. We live together and I see him one day out of the week since we both have Sundays off. I now really like Sunday. :p

The Boyfriend starts his new job in one week. I'm quite happy for him. I'm also happy that we'll be able to move out and live on our own again, just the two of us. I miss having my own place. I won't miss having to share a living space with other people. Or a cat. I'm not a cat person. Mostly because I'm seriously allergic to them and I'm not fond of anything that makes me feel disgusting and miserable.


I was out yesterday and heard a group of women in their mid-thirties complaining about how Paris Hilton is not news-worthy. And by heard, I mean they were standing behind me in line and discussing loudly that nothing she does should be news-worthy. This, amuses me. Why? Because all the other celebrities *are* much more news-worthy, eh? *rolls eyes*


There's a customer that comes into my job that looks like Henrik Zetterberg of the Detroit Red Wings. He's come in a few times now, his check is usually $15 or a little less but so far he always tips $10. He's nice, polite and kind of funny. And tips well. And doesn't make a huge mess. I like him, haha.


I have a Tumblr app on my cell now. I'm not on my laptop much since I'm so busy lately, lol. If the app works well, I'll be able to use Tumblr more since I always have my phone on me. Well, I'll have the ability to use it more but no promise that I actually will. Though, I did post a LOT on there yesterday while I was enjoying doing very little on my day off. :p


HOCKEY SEASON STARTS SOON. :D


And lastly, this quote? I LOVE IT.

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” - Robert McCloskey

Happy Monday!

And then I cried.

I called my mom last night after I got off work to get some information from her on something I was confused about. She explained and gave me some suggestions. She was cooking dinner and said she would call back later. She called back a couple hours later and said she had some heavy stuff to tell me.

Since I haven't been blogging or doing much other than working, I haven't told anyone that my grandfather was just in the hospital again for 5 days. They sent him home on Tuesday. He's been sick and battling cancer, heart problems and other shit for years and years and years. In January he was in the hospital for a while. They said he was going to die then. Then oddly, he just seemed to bounce back and start doing better. He's had several hospital visits since then. And he's been doing more and more losing against the things he's battling.

Last night, my mom told me he was having worse issues. His body is starting to shut down on him basically. Slowly. I don't want to post the details about it all because I don't think I'll be able to write this if I do because it's crushing to me. I'm close with my grandparents. I grew up seeing them on a very regular basis. I always thought kids who only saw theirs every few months or a few times a year were odd because I saw mine so much. We spent weekends with them. Spring Breaks. You get the picture without me going on and on.

But when mom told me last night that Grandpa was dying, really dying this time? I think I was in shock. Maybe disbelief. So very many times, he's been literally to the point where doctors have said not to expect much over the years and he's fought back and stayed with us. I just didn't feel anything when she told me he wasn't going to be staying with us this time. He says it's too much. He can't move around on his own. He can't do a lot honestly. Thinking about all the changes hurts because I can't stand to see him hurting so much. I heard everything she said. Some of it was just heartbreaking and hearing my mom upset was a lot to handle. I just sat there and listened, taking it in. It didn't hit me though. I was hearing her, every word. I was hearing her pain and sadness in her words. I just didn't feel any of my own right then. It didn't feel real to me.

It's enough that my mom is going to be coming back to Texas here soon to help my grandmother take care of him and things around the house. One of my aunts is taking family medical leave from her job so she can help out, too. My grandmother has breast cancer and her own issues going on. Taking care of my grandfather is just too much for her on her own.

I follow my little sister on Tumblr. I saw her post something and read it. She's taking leave from her job in California to come back to Texas, too. She talked about it a little and talked about crying and being so emotional and upset. And that is when it hit me. Like a fucking sack of bricks. He's not going to make it through this time. I just sat there staring at her words on the screen. Then I clicked away and just sat there, thinking about all the times I had sat on a front porch talking with him or not saying anything and just sitting. All the times he would stand outside with us, helping us climb trees and standing there watching us, really so he could make sure we didn't get hurt. All the times he "got on to" grandma for griping at us over something silly. Then I got older and those trips got lesser so when I did have time to go see them, we just sat and talked. We'd play games with grandma and he'd sit in his recliner in the living room listening and making jokes or comments from time to time. I thought about when he met The Boyfriend and they sat and talked. I remember when he told The Boyfriend he could be part of the family and that he better always treat me right and take good care of me. All the times he's called me sugar and given me a hug, telling me he's happy I came to visit him. And all the times here lately where I've barely been able to understand half of what he tries to say but I always understand when he says I love you.

And then I cried. Hot tears rolling down my face until everything around me was blurry. I rested my head on my knees and sat there like that, crying and hoping if I cried enough that it would stop hurting. I ran out of tears before it stopped hurting. I knew realistically I wouldn't be able to cry it all out and be okay in one shot. I know it will take a while. I know to remember the good times I've had. I know to count myself lucky that I've had such a good relationship with him. I know once he passes he won't be hurting anymore. I know all of the positives that people are going to tell me to look at and be thankful for and honestly? None of that is going to make me feel better right now. I think sometimes, you just need to let something hurt and be sad about it for a while before you can be okay with it.