World Alzheimer's Day

Today is World Alzheimer's Day! 

There are 5 days left to donate to my ‪#‎Walk2EndAlz‬! Check out my My Walk Page to read my story and if you feel so inclined you can donate there as well.

Donations benefit the Alzheimer's Association and help towards providing Alz care, support and towards funding research towards prevention and finding a cure.

This cause means a lot to me because watching my grandfather lose himself in this disease was one of the hardest things I've dealt with. You lose a person you love twice, once right in front of you and the second time once they do pass. It's rough. People think of Alzheimer's as being "memory loss" only and just "old age" but it's not. You can get it at 40 or 70. It's much more than just losing track of time or forgetting where your car keys are. You forget people. You lose your memories. There are physical aspects of it. It's heartbreaking when someone you love can't remember how to pour themselves a glass of milk. It's so much more than just becoming forgetful and so many don't realize that.

If you want to do something for World Alzheimer's Day, you can....

Donate to the cause. 

Wear purple today.

Volunteer your time.

Learn some facts.

Thank a caregiver if you know one in real life or on social media.

Thank you to all those that have supported me in some way leading up to this years walk. The walk is this weekend and I'm ready! Wether you showed support through sharing links, talking about this with me, joining the walk or donating your hard earned cash to the walk, I appreciate it all so much. 

Apropos Of Nothing

A little boy and his mom came into my job to pick up some brownies and cookies a few days ago. The lady was joking with the little boy, he was maybe 5 or 6 I think, about him working in a bakery so he could bring her home free sweets all the time. This kid scrunched his face up at his mom and said, "I'm going to be too busy being Captain America to make cookies mom." She asked him, "but what if someone else is busy being Captain America, then would you work in a bakery and bring me sweets?" He rolled his eyes and said, "but if someone if busy being Captain America, I'll just be Black Widow instead." She laughed. I gave the kid a high five and told him I admired his goals. He asked me, "but wait. Maybe. Are you a secret spy but pretending to give people cookies instead because then I can work here I guess." I told him I couldn't tell him if I were secretly a spy or not because then it wouldn't be a secret. He was satisfied and his mom thanked me quietly for playing along and humoring them as they waited. I said I didn't mind and told her I always try to support creativity and imagination when I get the chance. My niece is 4 and the last time I was with her we cooked up a three course meal in her play kitchen and then spent 15 minutes feeding all of the dolls and stuffed animals she had in her room. I believe in never crushing a kid with a great imagination and creativity. I see so many people telling kids to stop doing things like that because it's "nonsense" but really, they just don't understand how special that creativity is. Don't crush their imagination or sense of wonder or tell them their creative outlets are a waste of time. 

    ******

I want to thank those that have supported  me in my Walk To End Alzheimer's so far. Whether it's support through a donation or through posting links and photos for me to spread awareness or just offering kind words, I appreciate it so much. I've been having a lot of health struggles lately so I haven't been able to put as much time and effort into fundraising this year and I set a smaller donation goal because of that. I'm only $170 away from hitting my $750 donation goal. There are still 3 weeks left if you want to donate and thought you were out of time. Even a $5 or $10 donation helps. Every little bit adds up to something better.

   ******

There is a song out right now called "Girl Crush" by Little Big Town. I hate when this song comes on at work because I can't turn it off at work. Basically she sings about wanting a man that another woman has and so she obsesses about every detail of the girl. 

The chorus: "I wanna taste her lips, yeah, ‘cause they taste like you
I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume
I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch
Yeah, ‘cause maybe then you’d want me just as much
I got a girl crush, I got a girl crush"

I think this annoys me because a lot of the time, people like to assume that being bisexual/pansexual is just a phase. It's just indecision. You're just idealizing someone else for the wrong reasons. So many things and that's another post for another day. Back to this. This song just annoys me because this isn't about a girl having a crush on another girl. This isn't what a crush is for anyone. An obsession over someone because you're envious of them and want the person that wants them instead of you is not a crush. It is creepy and pretty unhealthy. I might end up writing a longer post on this one day considering I posted a shorter version of this rant on Twitter yesterday and actually had two people angry at me. One lead to a positive discussion, the other not so much. We'll see.

That's all I've got for today. 

Happy Friday!

Death and Life

June is an odd month for me. There's a lot to celebrate as it's one of my younger brother's birthday month, my birthday month, my boyfriend and his sister's birthday month and Father's Day. There's a lot of joy in there but then there are things that were life changing events that make it a harder month to get through emotionally and mentally.

June 9th is one of my younger brother's birthday. It also unfortunately is the day our grandfather passed away. Yesterday was the 4th year since he passed and my brother's 29th birthday. 

The last several years of my brother's life, I've always felt a little guilty because I want my brother to have an amazing day on his birthday, as people should. But I also still get so sad on that day because I miss my grandfather a lot. And I know it's something that weighs on him as well and that sucks. I also understand how much it sucks to lose someone you care for on a day that's supposed to be a damn good one to celebrate life and love and the people in your life. I digress. 

I was lucky to have someone so great that's worth missing so much be such a big part of my life because not everyone's fortunate to have a pair of kick ass grandparents. At the same time, it makes it hurt that much more because losing someone you have a close relationship with sucks. Even if you're a little happy to see them go because you know their pain and suffering is now over and who doesn't want that for a person they love?

Last year on June 13th, my friend Amanda committed suicide. June 15th is my birthday and that also happens to be the day we found out that she had committed suicide. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. In part, because it's hard not to think about it considering my birthday celebration last year ended with me laying in bed only to find she'd been found dead in her ex's kitchen shortly after I'd laid down. Also because it's coming up on that one year and people have been posting things to her Facebook wall. Poems, art, random thoughts, prayers and various other things. All things she'll never see or read but things that make the person posting them feel connected still, in some way. Or maybe it just makes them feel better in another way. I don't judge because I can't bring myself to delete messages from her and can't remove her from my Facebook feed even though I'll never be able to talk to her again. 

Her death was, in several ways, harder to deal with. My grandfather had Alzheimer's (which is what got me into doing the Alzheimer's Walks and fundraising for the Alz Association) and he was sick for quite a while before he finally couldn't fight anymore. Amanda, I didn't see that coming because you rarely ever see suicide coming. I had plans to see her and hang out the following weekend. I went to her funeral that day instead, which wasn't the way I wanted to spend time with her.

It wasn't the first friend I'd lost like this but it's not something that gets easier. It's hard and you go through so many emotions. I still occasionally get so goddamn mad at her for being gone and then a few minutes later I'm crying because I just miss her and wish I could split fajitas and some margaritas. I know it won't be as bad this year as it was last year, though. I won't be shocked and devastated because she's already gone. And as hard as it is to cope with death, it does get easier the more time passes by.

My grandfather's death was the first death I'd gone through that was someone I was truly close to. I feel guilty saying that because I'd lost other friends and relatives that I honestly didn't know that well before him. Those deaths sucked in different ways but his was the first one that was heartbreaking and devastating for me. I kept having people telling me it would get easier the more time that went by and after that first year, I really understood that nothing would be as awful as the first year of adjusting to the fact that he was gone. There were so many things that I didn't realize would hurt that did. Not needing birthday cards or father's day cards for him anymore. Not needing to buy a present for him at the holidays. Addressing Christmas cards solely to my grandmother and not to both of them. Changing the name in my cell phone from "Grandpa & Grandma" to just "Grandma." Watching a basketball game and remembering the reason I even like watching basketball is because I used to watch it with him and got into it because of him. Tons of little things that never even crossed my mind but felt like punches right to the gut. Now, after several years, moments like that happen few and very far in between.

With both of them, I think I thought it would stop hurting much more immediately than it did despite really knowing better. Maybe I naively hoped I could get passed it and be okay faster than I really did.  Like it couldn't possibly keep being painful year after X amount of time because at some point, you're obviously going to realize you've cried all your tears and had all of your sad moments. Then you could just think fondly of them and remember happy times and feel gratitude at the time you had with them and nothing will hurt anymore because it's been long enough. That's a really nice thought but it's not realistic and that realization sucks. There isn't a "long enough" and another realization that this one brought on is that that's okay, too. It's okay to cry and miss them and hurt. As long as you're not dwelling there and do remember all the good, it's okay to not be okay after you lose someone you love. It's okay to not be okay sometimes even after it's been a while. There's no time limit and no reason to feel guilty or ashamed over how you feel.

Cartoons don't make you gay, Alzheimer's, water balloons, Rainbow Dash & more.

Co-worker: "Does it make me gay that I like watching that Powerpuff Girls cartoon?"

Me: "Are you gay?"

Co-worker: "Nope."

Me: "Then no because the only thing that makes you gay is fucking being gay. Not a cartoon. Not a band. Not a style of dress. Not the way you might want to do your hair. Not something you saw on tv. Not a love for musicals. Not any other stereotypical thing you can think of. Not even a gay man giving you a high five and passing it on. Nothing will turn you gay."

This lead to a rather short debate followed by my co-worker stomping off calling me a "fucking poophead" because he's 26 and that's just the way an adult should behave.

Also, the whole thinking that if a masculine human likes something perceived as being girlie that makes them some degree of gay? Drives me insane but that's another rant for another day.
---------------------------

Just because I don't want children doesn't mean I hate children. I don't think you should ship yours off to Siberia. I won't stop hanging out with you if you have kids. I'm not judging you negatively for having children and I'd never go off on a rant to a parent about the benefits of not having children. So why so many people with kids feel a need to get defensive and tell me why my decision and feelings on the subject are all wrong just because they don't agree or understand, I will never fully comprehend. It's nothing personal against you or your kids so cool it.

---------------------------

I told one person at work that I dig My Little Pony. Anyone that knows me really shouldn't be too surprised by that honestly. So for my birthday (one month ago today) several of my co-workers got me various MLP toys. Which didn't suck because most of it was Rainbow Dash and of course, that's my favorite little pony. Brave, bold, loyal, tomboyish, goofy and kind hearted with a pet tortoise and badass rainbow mane? Heck yeah.

---------------------------

I love going to festivals but why must there be so many in July and August that I want to go to? Festivals are more fun when it's not 103 degrees or more and humid on top of it. It's a scientific fact. Well, not really. It's more like common sense that you'll have more fun at an outdoor event if you're not worried about dying or melting or heat stroke or walking around in a puddle of sweat. Damn you, Texas. (Love you anyway.)

---------------------------

I'm doing the Walk To End Alzheimer's again this year. If you feel so inclined and would like to support me in the walk with a donation, my page is here. Even $5 helps and the money goes toward Alzheimer's care, support and research.

---------------------------

I'm having a water balloon fight on Saturday in the park with some friends. We're going to play baseball first then have the water balloon fight. Another friend not involved with this said he felt like my life mantra must be, "growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional." I don't have this "life mantra" that he speaks of but if I ever did, that one seems pretty fitting. Or that was his passive aggressive way of calling me immature. I'm fine with it either way. ;)

Happy Tuesday!

Blah blah blah.

• I talked in my last post about participating in the Walk To End Alzheimer's walk at the end of last month. I ended up raising a total of $850 and had a nice time at the actual walk. It was an interesting experience and I'm looking forward to participating again next year.

•   NHL hockey season is back in the swing of things and that's always awesome. The Stars home opener was meh but the next game on that Saturday against Washington was awesome. Being back in the arena to watch the Stars always bring me joy.  Speaking of joy through hockey.... My youngest brother plays hockey pretty much all year with minimal breaks in between seasons so I'm watching him play all year. This year he made Junior Varsity for his highschool team and will also be playing a few Varsity games as well. He's also playing in another house league that his JV coach also happens to coach. He tried out and there was only one slot open and he's the one who made it. It's been fantastic watching him improve and move forward and I'm so proud of him.

• Working in a bakery is seriously maddening at times. I wish my boss would tell people during interviews that it's not going to be anything like what they see on reality TV baking shows. We hire so many people who don't realize how much work it actually is and the majority of them always mention they watched this show or that show and didn't realize it was hectic, stressful and a lot of work. Which I don't get but the high turnover rate we have because of people not being prepared to actually face a steady stream of tasks suggests it's a difficult concept to people who spend too much time thinking reality TV is exact. Though, I enjoy working with most of the people I work with. They're all a little weird and crazy and it's the first job I've had where I actually fit in and most of my co-workers don't think I'm the "weird one" because, well, we're all weird ones there. Or "quirky" if you listen to the lady who doesn't like to use the word weird because she thinks it implies a very negative feel but I digress. I work with some pretty awesome people and that helps tons when working in a busy, sometimes chaotic, rather stressful environment. 

• I got a slow cooker given to me by my mom and a smaller one given to me by my grandmother. I've used the slow cooker a couple times in the many months I've had them. I really just don't know what to put in there and I don't mind cooking dinner after work most days. Though, as soon as the weather gets cool enough, I can see how it'll get more use for soups and stews. Though it's still feeling like Summer here so that won't be for another couple months maybe. Hopefully less. I just can't get excited about stew or a bowl of soup when it's still almost 90 degrees outside. 

That's all I've got for now. I was going to write some deep and personal stuff but then I decided I'd rather keep that stuff to myself for a little bit longer. Or a lot longer. Or forever. So, boring life update instead since I decided to keep the personal stuff unwritten.

Random Thoughts...

Whenever I feel like I have way too much going on in my head (which is often) I tend to write about a thing or two that's taking up a lot of real estate or I just write a bunch of random stuff down. Today will be a bunch of random stuff. I know, you're so stoked now. Take a deep breath to calm yourself down then proceed.

Random Thoughts:

• I'm really grateful at times for the shitty people I've known in life. And for the not so shitty people who have done shitty things. (Who isn't guilty of that at least once?) For those people and instances, I've learned a lot of different things. The biggest thing being realizing the kind of person I never want to be. There are life lessons I still haven't learned and sometimes it takes a bad situation or a crappy person to teach that lesson to me. It sucks at the time but I appreciate what I end up taking away from it.

• Turn signals must be really hard to use in some cars. Or maybe they don't come in every car. Maybe there are some crazy cars out there that charge extra for those. It can't be that people are literally too lazy or too preoccupied to be bothered with flipping a lever or a button to activate a signal that lets other drivers know you're about to switch lanes. Nah, couldn't be that at all. 

•  I cut off 4.5" inches off hair a couple weeks ago. I work in a bakery. It's hot as hell in there. I live in Texas. It's Summer. It's hot as hell. My hair was well passed my shoulder blades and between work and Texas being Texas, the long hair had to go so I could keep a smidge cooler. I felt so much lighter and all around better after I left the salon.

•  I get anxious about letting someone else cut my hair. I hate it actually. However, I love letting someone else massage my scalp and wash/rinse my hair. That's the only part of the actual salon visit I actually enjoy. It's one of the most relaxing things in the world.

• Soft pretzels are awesome. If they were healthy for you, I'd eat them every single day.

• I'm doing my first Walk to end Alzheimer's at the end of September and I'm really looking forward to it. Raising money for my walk team is great because all the donations go to the Alzheimer's Association to help raise funds for Alzheimer research, care and support. Which is a cause I care deeply about since Alzheimer's is what my grandfather died from two years ago. I still miss him dearly and I'm sure I always will. In doing this, I've already met some other people who understand what it's like to watch someone go through this disease. Also, it's great to meet other people who are passionate about a cause you really care about and I think it'll make me feel better to do more than just donate money to something.
   
• After a discussion with some co-workers yesterday, I realized it might not be as common as I thought it was to mix two cereals together when eating a bowl of cereal. Which is weird because it's delicious and cereal is awesome. Eating two kinds of cereal at once is even more awesome.

• A baby dragon would be one of the coolest pets ever. As long as it got older but didn't get any bigger.

I'm done now. 
Thanks for reading. ;)

Happy Tuesday.